Friday Morning Quarterback 01.01

I was just looking over my blog posts and I, literally, have seven articles that I have started over the last three weeks that I have not finished. I feel bad that I haven't gotten anything done but, between being sick, things picking up at work and last minute preparations for the coming baby, I just have not had time.

I have a tendency to jot little notes to myself during the week and then put them together in a weekly review of sorts called Monday Morning Quarterback. I keep most of these notes in my back-left pocket but there are so many that they are overflowing to other places and it has been so long that I don't understand what some of the inscriptions mean when I run across them. I have decided that I have to take a few minutes to record these thoughts before I lose them forever. Who knows? I could have a fleeting million dollar idea in here somewhere!

• I have this thing about people getting in my pockets. I won't even let MLW or M3S get in them whether my pants are off or on. I also transfer everything in my pants pockets that I am taking off to the pockets of the pants I am putting on every time.

• Grammy Notes (Boy, it has been a long time since I have written):

- I didn't know more artists than I knew.

- Do you think anyone tells Stevie Wonder how silly he looks with all of his hair pulled back into the back one-third of his head? Is that from so many years of wearing those tight braids?

- Speaking of silly: All of the under-age artists look ridiculous. Just because Disney gives you enough exposure that millions of kids idolize you, does not mean that you have the talent to be able to even carry the amps of the legends that you are being allowed to share the stage with.

- Kanye (Twitty) West looks like he is going to a 1986 prom. What do they call that hairstyle-- a frolet?

- I like to listen to British people speak-- not only because of the accent (although it is cool) but they have a casualness about them that I enjoy.

- Whitney-- say no to crack!

• It is absolutely amazing to me what women will say to you when they understand that your wife is pregnant. When I was single, there is no way that they would ask me anything as personal as they seem to think it is OK to do now!

• I expected the baby to show up today because we have a music trivia to do tonight, but it looks as if he is going to take after his mother's side of the family and show up late.

• The only thing cooler about this time of year than it being trivia season is the fish fries will be starting in a week or two.

• I promise to burn my firewood where I buy it.

• Are three-year-olds supposed to have a vocabulary that includes words like actually and really and are they supposed to understand how to use those words in the right context?

• I have several new designs in the works and have made available a classic T-shirt from the movie, Can't Buy Me Love, starring a pre-McDreamy, young Patrick Dempsey as Ronald Miller.

• This Facebook thing is really cool but I don't know how healthy it is as it can be very addictive. It took me a while to join but now I like Mafia Wars a little too much.

• If I ever start writing regularly again I will have to do a feature on Facebook because I am studying several books on Social Networking and have developed some pretty interesting theories on the whole concept.

Okay, it is now Wednesday. I started writing this post last Friday and am frustrated enough, at this point, that I am just going to publish it as is. The baby is due tomorrow and I feel that we have just hit the pause button on the remote control of life and we are waiting for MLW to go into labor. I have got nothing done in the past week because I am having a terrible time concentrating on anything and this blog story is a perfect example.

I'm going to count this one as done and post it because I have to, as Walt Disney would say, keep moving forward! Read this. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

How to Make A Mix-Tape

They say that music soothes the savage beast. I don't think you can call me a savage-- beast maybe, but not a savage... but I agree that music can be soothing. It can also stir a lot of other emotions and feelings but right now I need it to be soothing. I have had a rough morning so I have put in my ear buds, kicked up my iTunes and I am going to hide under my desk, close my eyes and put everything else out of my mind for a few minutes...

There, that's better. It is pretty amazing how that works. Certain recordings can take you to happy places and better times in the same way that a picture can, or a smell or taste. All of our senses have the ability to affect us physically, mentally and emotionally, but music goes a step further by blocking out other distractions.

As a performer, I have had firsthand experience seeing how music can affect, effect and infect people. For some it may be a rock 'n roll song that "pumps them up", almost to a point of an aggressive frenzy. For others it may be a mellow ballad that makes them cry or a peppy pop tune that brings a smile to their face. Christian music and religious hymns can be very powerful, bringing the listener to their feet in a moment of joy and classical music or other genres can be very spiritual, as well, to some. It is very different for every person, but I think everyone has some degree of instinctual, internal rhythm that is keeping time to a song in their head.

Having dealt with many challenges with anxiety, I have a collection of songs categorized by attitude adjustments that they bring on. Music to help make me happy, relaxed, energized, concentrate or reflective is all grouped in different playlists on my computer. My calming tunes have even been burned to a series of CDs so I can listen to them in the car-- to prevent road rage or at the office-- to prevent work wage. I also have other song sets that I listen to if I want to get in the proper mood to do something like workout, mow the lawn or get romantical.

I love the idea of playlists because it reminds me of the mix-tapes that we used to make before the Internet age and the invention of the CD burner. A mix-tape is a group of songs recorded to cassette tape with the intention of reflecting the producer's chosen theme. Anyone could make them with very minimal equipment and with vinyl, 8-tracks, cassettes or even compact discs but a true mix-tape artist would toil hours-upon-hours to get the best possible reproduction of the perfect, 60-minute, combination of tracks.

Mix-tapes have been around since the early 1970s when compact cassettes were made readily available to the public and hit their peak in the 80s and 90s before fading away in this millennium when consumers were able to record music, as well as data and video to compact disc. The amateur recordings were vaulted into mainstream pop-culture with the release of the 2000 film, High Fidelity, starring John Cusack and based on the novel of the same name by Nick Hornby-- a great flick that I would highly recommend, especially if you, like me, are a big fan of Cusack.

Some would argue that the CD Compilation is the mix-tape of today, but the purist knows that the shiny silver discs could never live up to the small, twin wheels of fragile, thin tape embedded in that smokey, plastic shell and that no one could cue a song with a pencil, blindfolded, with one hand tied behind their back, as well as them.

Today, as with many other days, this went a different direction than I intended. Visit How to Make a Mix-Tape if you would like to read more of what I have to say on the subject. Be sure to check back soon when I will post the article that I was planning or writing about how the music of today and the music of the past is impacting each other.

Until then, Read This. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

Monday Morning Quarterback 1.16

When we weren't busy with other things this weekend we were preparing for the new baby's arrival. The due date is still almost six-weeks out but MLW's cousin, who is also expecting, was sent to the hospital almost three-weeks early. She didn't have the baby, however, she was put on modified bed rest and will probably go this week. 

It's not that we won't be able to get by if our new Son would like to show sometime in the next couple of weeks... I'm not going to be that ready if he shows in July. Mentally, I am about as prepared as I am going to get and I would just like a little more time to get the house ready.

I am almost sure that we now have more baby and toddler clothes than my wife's and my wardrobes combined. As my wife went through and sorted them into piles by size-- 0-3 months, 3 months, 3-6 months, 6 months and so on and so on-- I worked on, finally, converting our home office into M3S's permanent room. We were very lucky that we are having another boy, this time around, as it has made the preparation much easier and much less expensive than if we had to re-decorate, re-organize and re-buy everything for a little girl.

I think my wife and I were pretty satisfied with the progress that we made and that is a rare occasion when we are both happy with such a project. We still need to paint some rooms and build a bed for M3S, but that doesn't need to be done before the stork drops-off our special delivery. I will write in more detail about the anticipation of the new arrival to our family in the coming weeks but, for now, here's the notes from the weekend:

• As my Son and I dug through the tangled mess in his toy-box, we sorted into boxes labeled: GOOD, BABY, DONATE and TRASH. When we were finished we found a place for stuff in the GOOD pile and, neatly, put it away; we sealed up the BABY box and put it in storage until his little brother is old enough to play with it; we gave the DONATE stuff to the "poor kids" and we threw out the TRASH. I was proud of the little guy because he did let me talk him into getting rid of some of his stuff even though I could tell by the look on his face that it was breaking his heart to give most of it up. I had to remember that as we were sorting through my stuff in the office. It made him feel better, though, because my boxes were labeled: GOOD, BUDDY, DONATE, TRASH. It is amazing how some of my old junk can bring joy to a three-year-old's face.

• Baby-proofing a house is very similar to how we used to party-proof a house when we used to have a blow-out when a friend's parents were out of town... except it is much harder on the knees.

• There is never a shortage of good things said about a person at his or her funeral but I have never, in my life, heard so many good things about a man than at the funeral we attended Saturday. For the sake of privacy, I won't mention any names but I would like to say I hope that when I go, I will have half as many people say half as many nice things about me.

• The National Safety Council is trying to get a nation-wide cel-phone ban for automobile drivers because of the evidence that mobile phone use increases the chance of being in an accident four-times. Okay-- you have finally convinced me... Seriously... I agree... Ban them. Okay, now can you do something to ban idiots, morons and asses from driving?

• I have an idea-- onion-free onion-rings-- onion-frings! and I think I have developed a way to make them. This could be my million-dollar idea.

• Three of four of the visiting-dogs won their NFL Playoff games this week-- that's parity for you. The National Football League is the most well-run organization in professional sports, even with the problems that they are having with the officials blowing calls.

• I will be the first to admit that I was a Kurt Warner basher. When he came back to the Rams after his broken finger, I thought he was done and, although he had a few incredible years, I thought he would just fade away after holding the clipboard for some young stud QB, never to be mentioned on SportsCenter again. Not only did I write him off but, I would be willing to bet, a good majority of football fans were with me. How wrong were we? Next Sunday, a bunch of those fans will be sitting in front of TV rooting on Warner as he will try to take the Arizona Cardinals to their first (his third) Superbowl. His is just an amazing story of perseverance that you almost have to root for him! When he came on to the scene, Sports Illustrated, did a cover story on him titled, "Who IS This Guy?" There is going to be a lot of similar questions if he leads his team in a home win against the Eagles next week. I don't usually do this but I am jumping on Warner's bandwagon because I now admire his work... and the Rams suck, Green Bay isn't much better, Favre is done for the season (or for good... or for the season... or for good...) and there is no other team left that I really care for at all.

• After Let's Roll 1.10, I put together a new Squidoo page: How to Tight Roll Your Pants-- check it out! You can create your own Squidoo page on anything you want! It's fun, free and easy!

• I got new shoes of the weekend. I've got two-words for you VEL CRO... Sure I look like I'm 73 instead of 43, (MLW even noticed that in the advertisement for the shoes the guy in the picture isn't even wearing them!) but they are super-comfortable (I wear out before my feet do), convenient (both-- on and off in 7.2 seconds... I timed it) and, most importantly, in these tough economic times, cheap ($11-- no holler)! I'm out.

Read this. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

Let's Roll! 1.10

I wanted to take this opportunity to tease a special story that I will post sometime next week. It is a special follow-up report on my driving series that was published last year. As I was driving home from work on I-70 at 22 miles per hour, I did some quick calculations in my head and was astounded at the amount of time that I spend in my car! I am taking some time to do a little more research and put together a another piece commenting on our commuting habits.

I came down with some kind of stomach bug that has put me out of commission for some time this week, but I still hope to get this post out before Saturday. Because I'm doing a Let's Roll, MLW will not read it anyway but, while doing my research, I have stumbled across several Websites that I wanted to feature today. They include a tool to improve your Squidoo experience and a couple of tributes to the best decade in the history of the world. Let's Roll:

SquidUtils-

Squidoo supplies users with an abundance of tools for use with the application but SquidUtils takes it a few steps further with an extensive list of utilities and very simple explanations of how to use them to work for you. An Advanced Dashboard, as well as tools for lens building and maintenance will allow you to determine the needs of your individual lenses and a directory to make your lenses available to other users with similar interests. There is also a chat room, other plug-in extensions and an interesting little forum where you can buy and sell lenses in an auction-type setting. If you have created lenses on Squidoo, you should have this Site bookmarked.

Stuck in the 80s-

I have to mention my disclaimer again-- I don't like to list other people's blogs because you have no idea what type of person the writer really is. I have read through a good number of entries on this site, however, and not only does it seem fairly family friendly, it is also very entertaining for a child of the 80s, such as myself and the online editor who was kind enough to feature my Shermer High School Bulldogs T-shirt in October. Along with his commentary on all things eighties, there are links to the official Websites of the decades bands and personalities... Totally Rad!

David Lee Roth Running with the Devil Soundboard-

The epitome of a rock 'n' roll front man, Diamond Dave filled the airwaves and concert halls with an loud, arrogant, flambouyant personality. His sound bites were a hard to avoid plastered between music videos at the peak of MTV popularity. (Yes... they used to play videos on MTV.) I can't, possibly, believe that this is really digital sampling of DLR's distinctive vocal stylings, but if it's not, it is certainly a good impression. I like to pull this up when I'm at work and try to use one of the 37 Davisms as a response to all of the stupid questions I am asked during the day.

How to Tight Roll Pants-

I here it is coming back into style and if you have not been properly trained in the technique, you should not try this with you fine denim-wear. 

Short but sweet this week because my Wife doesn't like these. Read this. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

America's Top 40: Christmas

I promised, earlier in the week, that I was going to do a follow-up to my Top Twelve Days of Christmas Specials and List my favorite Christmas songs. I don't really have 40 but I have been working to narrow down the list to 10-12 for several days now and I just can't get there so I am going to go with my Top 14 Christmas Songs...

First the ground rules: All the songs are going to be Christmas songs. I'm as PC as the next guy but I wanted to pick my favorite holiday songs, I would. I celebrate Christmas, though, and I don't think Adam Sandler's, Hanukkah Song, would've broken the top 15, anyway, so I am going to stick with saying, "Merry Christmas". Note: I tried very, very hard to find some way to make the Counting Crow's, A Long December, a Christmas song but couldn't find even a remote reference to anything to do with the Winter Holiday so I had to leave it out which is a real shame because I love that tune.

Other ground rules include that we are not really judging the song, itself, but rather the specific performance of a song. Many of the entries are classic tunes that many artists have covered over the years and I am rating them on a single recorded version. In addition, to get the list down to a reasonable size, I had to eliminate songs that where written for a special Christmas program. Although many of the works have been included in Holiday TV shows or movies so this will eliminate some great classics like I'm Mister Heat Miser, Put One Foot in Front of the Other, and Christmastime Is Here or any of the other pieces composed by the great jazz musician, Vince Guaraldi.

Most of these songs also make this list of The Pop Top 100 Christmas Songs and you can see more detail and more fun stuff about this list at my Squidoo Lens: The Top 14 Pop Christmas Song Performances:

14. Wonderful Christmas Time- Paul McCartney (1979)- John Lennon was right when he said since McCartney went solo all that he does is silly love songs. That is, exactly, what this is but it made the list and Lennon's, Happy Christmas (War Is Over) didn't... What's wrong with that?

13. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)- U2 (1987)- This song was originally done by Darlene Love on the 1963 Album, A Christmas Gift for You from Phil Spector and she provided backing vocals when U2 recorded it for the compilation album A Very Special Christmas. I really never knew it was Bono singing but, when I hear it, I always find myself singing along in a baritone voice... Christmas... Christmas...

12. Sleigh Ride- Ella Fitgerald (1960)- This is the first of a few classic Christmas songs that I could of pick one of many performances as over 65 artist have recorded it including the Spice Girls, the Squirrel Nut Zippers, the Muppets and Clay Aiken. I choose this version because it has gained popularity recently by being featured in the Will Ferrell, soon to be Holiday classic, Elf, and my dad always like Ella.

11. Merry Christmas Baby- Bruce Springsteen (1987)- Originally a Beach Boys release, the more popular Springsteen version was recorded live at an earlier Jersey Holiday Concert and also featured on the A Very Special Christmas album. The boss does it better than the even more popular, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, which I have mentioned before, no grown man should be recording.

10. It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas- Johnny Mathis (1986)- Written in 1951, I thought Mathis did his version way before '86 as I thought I remember hearing it as a kid. My mom loved Johnny Mathis and the Andrew Sisters- who also did this song and I could have just as easily included here but Johnny has an awesome voice. I do remember, however, singing this song and The Holly and the Ivory in a Junior High Choir Competition. I wonder, what ever happened to Ms. Davis?

9. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree- Brenda Lee (1958)- I find it interesting that over 30 artists have recorded this song but, still, the most air-play goes to this original. I remember doing a grade school program to this one! There are some really cool guitar licks in this song.

8. The Christmas Song- Nat King Cole (1946)- Written by Mel Torme, Cole recorded the tune four times between '46 and '61. It has been covered by other artists over 100 times-- none of them me, but it is my favorite classic.

7. Do They Know It's Christmas?- Band Aid (1984)- I think my dad camped out at a record store to get this for me for Christmas. Written by Bob Geldof the song was recorded by 40-some-odd 80s superstars on November 24, 1984 and released by Band Aid four-days later to raise money for the famine in Ethiopia.

6. Christmas Is A Time to Say I Love You- Billy Squire (1982)- MTV was young and rock singer Billy Squier was at his peak of popularity when this cheery holiday song was filmed as sort of an office party singalong. It is just plain fun.

5. Christmas Wrapping- The Waitresses (1981)- One of the best bass lines-- not only in a Christmas song, but in any song. Arguably, the obscure, Kent, Ohio, punk band's biggest hit, along with I Know What Boys Like and Square Pegs the theme song to the TV series of the same name starring a young Sarah Jessica Parker.

4. 2000 Miles- The Pretenders (1983)- This dark, seasonal song was released as a B-side to "Middle of the Road" and was a major hit in the UK. Although Crissie Hynde may be one of the least attractive women in music, she has a beautiful voice that resonates straight to your soul in this song.

3. All I Want for Christmas is You- Mariah Carey (1994)- You may think it a bit odd, with all of the rock-type music in my top-15, that I would include a Mariah Carey tune, consider that this original is the diva's most successful song worldwide and it is in the top ten most downloaded ring-tones of all time. I just like it because it reminds me of the music that the old Motown girl groups used to do.

2. Easier Said Than Done- Jon Anderson (1985)- This was the first and only single released from Yes front-man, Jon Anderson's solo Christmas album, Three Ships. It got a little air-time in the late 80s, but I haven't heard it in years and I have worn out my LP.

1. Celebrate Me Home- Kenny Loggins (1976)- Celebrate Me Home was on Kenny Loggins' debut solo album of the same name. Although not released as a single, it evolved into one of Loggins' better-known songs, especially as it became a popular staple of radio stations' play-lists during the holiday season. I don't know exactly why, but when I hear this song and I am alone, it touches me in a way that I have a heard time holding back my emotions. That is why I rank it as number one.

Have a Merry Christmas or a Happy Holiday. Read this. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

Let's Roll! 1.07

Cafepress revealed the new Website design this week. I was concerned, at first, that the navigation was misdirected because I didn't make a sale for the first two days after the change but then my old standby, Big Brother '09, came through for me last night. Americans must not be too worried about the economy because they are still having babies and there is a lot of maternity and children's stuff that sells on that Site. I would assume that now since Halloween and the election are over the Big Brother and Big Sister along with a few of my designs for expectant mothers will be my top sellers until the holiday season.

Speaking of the holiday season, I guess all of the stores now start pushing Christmas sales in October. They might as well include Halloween with Thanksgiving in the holidays. 

This is my first year being involved as a Internet retailer but, from what I gather from more experienced shopkeepers, it is not uncommon to have sales from November 15 to December 31 that equal all the sales from the rest of the year so I'll be ready. Be sure to keep SkeetzTeez in mind when you are looking over your gift giving lists and check back often to see all of the new designs for the Winter! Let's Roll.

Michael Jackson- Thriller

Yes-- he's a freak but this 13:41 video was the most anticipated release in the history of MTV and is still regarded as one of the best even though it was premiered over 25 years ago. Sure-- it's a little hokey for today's times. The outfits are dated, the acting is overdone, the special effects are antique and even the dance moves, considered cutting-edge in 1982, are punchlines for modern, comments on pop-culture but, back then, even though most people won't admit it, MJ and this video in particular, was the coolest thing around-- right Cox?

64-Voice A' Cappella Thriller

This is too cool and perfect for Halloween. One dude, self-recorded on 64 different tracks. He does all the vocals as well as the instruments and special effects with no assistance from any tools or devices. The guy is a little freaky (I think he's French) with his accent and there is an eerie picture of Michael Jackson in a werewolf getup from his 80s hit video, but this is just too freaking cool to pass up this time of year.

Filipino Prison Thriller Remake

That last one reminded me of this video which has gotten a lot of YouTube hits and been featured on a bunch of nationally syndicated entertainment shows. Again-- kind of freaky but, still, something about it makes you have a hard time not watching it all the way through. Go ahead... try it... See? I guess if you have to be in prison there would be a lot worse ways to spend your time than dancing to 80s hits but the orange jumpsuits look like they would make it hard to get your groove on.

Thriller- Wikipedia

Did you know?

• Thriller was ranked number 20 in Rolling Stone Magazine's list of Top 500 Albums of All-Time in 2003

• Several members of the band Toto were involved in the recording and production of the album

• Thriller was released and immediately went to number one on both the US and UK charts-- the first album to do that

• MTV played the almost 14-minute video twice an hour everyday for several weeks after the release to keep up with demand

Happy Halloweenie. Read This. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

What did the Headless Horseman say to Frankenstein?

I guess I was probably like most kids when I say Halloween was one of my favorite holidays-- and why wouldn't it be? You get to dress up in cool costumes, get a bunch of candy, you don't have to visit relatives house that smell funny (the houses, not the relatives) or church and you are, basically, expected to run all over the neighborhood causing havoc. Times, certainly, have changed in the last 30-some-odd years since I last went trick-or-treating. Gone are the days of dads taking the kids in their homemade outfits door-to-door, where they would be asked to tell a joke or sing a song by the friendly neighbor before receiving a generous reward of sweets while the moms waited at home and handed out candy to all the other children coming to their house.

Changes in the social environment and the society's decline in common values make some of the differences between 2008 and, say, 1979 obvious but I don't think they should make that much of a impact on our decision to deprive our children of the fun, Halloween traditions we enjoyed as kids. I still, to this day, have many fond memories of the Autumn holiday from my childhood but it seems that, as I have grown up, Halloween has become more of a matter for adults to be concerned with all of the rules and restrictions put on everyone.

Having a paranoid, over-anxious, very protective parent we had rules that we had to follow went we went out but nothing like they have today. We were told that we could only visit houses of the neighbors my folks knew so there were maybe two or three houses per block that we had to skip. This was to prevent us from walking up to a situation with a kid-napper or other predator that would hurt us, though I really didn't understand the point because my Dad was waiting for us at the street and wouldn't let us get into any trouble.

Today, communities are passing legislation that requires registered sexual offenders to leave off all the outside lights and post signs stating that there is no candy here. I support this initiative, although I don't believe that there is that many more perverts living in today's society than there was in our day, only that we are more aware of them because of the media and the noble efforts of law enforcement. I still think that my mother's rule about knowing your neighbors, however, is a good one but that could be difficult to do now because parents, in most neighborhoods don't know nearly as many people as ours did.

Parent's are not involved as much, altogether, as they used to be. Mine made all of our costumes every year until we were old enough to make our own. Made is the key word here. Kmart had a few cheap costumes (mainly a hard plastic mask with a elastic string and an apron-like thing that tied in the back) but there were not Halloween dedicated stores that popped-up in vacant strip mall spaces the week after Labor Day. 

There were no fancy, expensive, store-bought, fire-resistant, safety-tested outfits for us-- or most of the other kids at that time either. One of the earliest of years I can remember, I was a Christmas tree and my siblings were presents. Another Halloween I was Oscar the Grouch-- made from an old green rug and a plastic trash can with the bottom cut out. I did a couple of years as a headless horseman and a few others as an old stand-by: vampire, mummy, clown, ghost or hobo-- complete with burnt cork beard.

They were not the best disguises but we had fun and learned a lot by building them with our folks. They weren't fire-proof, in fact, many of them were fire hazards and they were not engineered while keeping in mind that we would be traveling from house-to-house on dark streets so I'm surprised that there weren't more serious accidents as we often couldn't either walk or see well. Bad weather meant that we wore turtlenecks and long-johns underneath the costume or clear plastic bags on top of them which really made my brother mad one year because everyone thought he was a cat when they couldn't see his bat wings.

We started making our own costumes by the time we were 11-12 or so. Most of those were things that we thought were cool which, apparently, was Saturday Night Live at the time because I remember dressing as a wild and crazy guy, King Tut and the Blues Brothers. One of our neatest, though was the Conehead outfits we made by cutting a Nerf football in half and putting it over our head with leg of my Mom's nylons. We went out to Trick-or-Treat-- or at least said we were doing that when we were actually out starting trouble-- every year until we were old enough to drive and went to work in the neighborhood Haunted House. We had at least one parent with us until we were 13. That was the age when you were allowed to go it alone but there were still enough adults that we knew on the streets that we couldn't really get away with that much.

There are municipalities in our area that are limiting Trick-or-Treating to children of certain ages and between certain hours. Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about these restrictions. On one hand, I have answered the door at a time that I thought was a little late even for Halloween to a masked bunch of juveniles six-inches taller and 100-pounds heavier than me silently holding their bag out and thought that scene eerily reminded me of a bank hold-up and wondering if they did say anything if the voice would be more baritone than mine and they would be saying Trick-or-Treat or Stick 'em up. Either way I'm handing over enough candy to surely satisfy the young lady and getting the deadbolt back engaged as quickly as possible.

On the other hand, I think the age that they did set (12 I think in this case) was a little young and really leaves nothing for the younger teens to do but sneak out of the house after 9:00, soap our car windows, tepee our trees and hurl the jack-o-lantern that we worked so hard on into the street. Besides, how are the cops going to enforce this policy anyway? Do the children need to bring two forms of identification and pass-through barricaded roadblocks strategically placed in front of the houses handing out mini-Snickers bars? I would think that the boys in blue would have something better to do and I think we are missing an opportunity to encourage parents to get more involved with their kids' activities instead of just letting the man deal with it.

As an adult and an artist, I got into Halloween for a while. In college I made a great costume for me and G-money that we took on the contest circuit and won some prizes. We were each a giant roll of toilet paper and we had a big air-brushed replica Charmin wrapper that went around the two of us. We did that for a few years and then lost it somewhere. Other years I got a lot of use out of monk, priest and Chippendale outfits and hooked up with friends to do the Village People and Scooby Doo and friends (I was Freddy Jones). I won a contest as Ozzy Ozborne the year after his show premiered on MTV and dressed as Tanya Harding, complete with lead pipe and Rollerblades when she was in the news, but didn't really care for the drag thing (unlike Cox, who seemed to be wearing a wig, lipstick and fake boobs every year). My favorite adult costume, though, would have to be the Hanson Brothers-- it's fairly simple, a little obscure yet most people know who they are and I get to where my blades again.

I have lost some interest in Halloween in recent years. We used to go to parties but they seem to be more about the party and less about the holiday now. The outfits that adults are wearing are all about shock value instead of creativity and that has taken some of the fun out of it. Since I now have M3S, I want to make the focus on him and make it fun again. 

MLW and I have talked about what we are going to do Friday night. Our neighborhood is full of old folks so it is not a good place to go out. By the time I get home from work it will be almost six and, even though daylight savings time is still going on, it will be getting dark and the kids will be heading out. This makes it hard to get out and go anywhere good and since MLW has to work early Saturday morning, we don't want to be out too late either. It may sound horrible but we were almost hoping for rain so we can Trick-or-Treat at the mall but the weather is supposed to be beautiful.

I think it is time to suck it up, put my money where my mouth is, quit trying to make excuses and do exactly what M3S wants to do... eat a taco and watch his TV. I guess we can save worrying about Trick-or-Treating until next year. Maybe then he can remember-- and understand, the punchline to his Halloween riddle...

Bolts! Why didn't I think of that?

Happy Halloweenie! Read this. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

Let's Roll! 1.05

I feel pretty darn stupid. I was supposed to bowl in the league tonight. I have been just terrible since the event but I expected to be better tonight because I have been seeing some improvement in the last few weeks and we were scheduled on lanes one and two tonight. I always bowl better on one and two and the games move along quicker because you only have to yield to the lanes on one side.

I think my excitement got the best of me because on my third practice frame I felt something pop on my approach. I wasn't doing anything weird or strenuous and didn't make any sudden moves or anything. I was just using my normal motion walking up to the line when was hit with a intense, sharp pain in my groin. I went ahead and followed through and, actually, rolled a pretty good ball, but that may have injured it more. I thought that I had it walked off, afterward, and tried to take another shot at it, but I was done for the night-- and maybe a few more weeks. Thanks to Bob for filling in for me.

Now I'm at home, sitting with a bag of frozen green beans in my crotch, watching the two-hour season premier of Survivor. It feels a lot better... as long as I don't move! Never again will I call a ballplayer a wimp for going on the IR with a groin injury. 

I'm a tool-- let's roll.

YearbookYourself

This one is a classic. I have seen similar applications but this one is user-friendly and produces some pretty cool results. Upload a picture of yourself, or a friend, spend a minute or two to make some simple adjustments and in a matter of another few minutes you have an e-album of your own yearbook shots in the style of the pop-high school styles for every couple of years from 1950-2000.

It's all free, however it is sponsored by someone-- I just can't tell exactly who! Anyway, the ads don't interfere with a few minutes or so of fun.

Squidoo: Shermer High School

For anyone that doesn't know about Shermer High School-- you should. Shermer, Illinois is the fictitious community that was the setting for many of, director, John Hughes' films, in the 1980s, including Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Weird Science, and the number one high school movie of all time, The Breakfast Club.

This lens has been getting a tons of visitors in the last few weeks and features a ton of stuff about Shermer, the flicks, John Hughes and the 80s. Anyone that was in their teens at that time is going to be able to relate. Along with custom Shermer Bulldogs gear, you can find YouTube videos, as well as, DVDs and other unique items available for purchase.

Palin Baby Name Generator

I posted this in a column earlier in the week but I find it funny and, with McCain/Palin ticket all over the news lately, I thought it would merit another mention-- besides, I got nothing else and I want to go to bed because my groin hurts.

Sarah Palin has picked an All-American set of names for her children with, Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow and Piper. Ever wonder what your name would be if the Vice Presidential candidate was your mother? Now you can find out with this simple, free name generator.

You can call me Chap Poach Palin as long as you... buy T-shirts. Peace.

Monday Morning Quarterback 1.05

Today is the first day of Autumn. I think I mentioned before that this is probably my favorite time of the year. The weather is cool and crisp so we can turn off the air conditioner and, although it is getting dark earlier, we still have a few more weeks before daylight savings time is over. The only thing I can think of that I don't care for around this time of the year is my allergies that seem to get worse and now and the Spring. I'll get by with a little help from Claritin D even though I will spend a small fortune on it in the next month or two.

I am lucky to live in the Midwest, where we have all four seasons, but I would like it if the moderate climates of Fall and Spring where longer than the extremes of Summer and Winter. They often say, "If you don't like the weather in St. Louis today-- wait until tomorrow." Here's my notes for today:

• We went to do some karaoke for my niece's 22 birthday on Saturday. It wasn't the people in their 40s and 50s singing my song set--it was the darn 20 year olds. Van Morrison, The Rolling Stones, Neil Diamond, Rick Springfield and Journey? Get your own music! Someone said it was because of video games like Guitar Hero and Rock Band and TV and Movies like The Sopranos that use classic music but my theory is that these kids are smart and today's music sucks so they have come to relate with the old stuff.

• The younger generation may be into the music but they no nothing about playing air guitar.

• Jordo got several Compilation CDs as gifts from her friends. It reminded me of mix tapes and the movie High Fidelity and inspired the Squidoo lens, Mix-Tape.

• Week three in the NFL was pretty bizarre with Miami beating the Pats and Indy almost losing again to a weaker opponent but the Rams still may be the worse team in the league and our fantasy team may not be much better.

• Shermer, Illinois High School's mascot is the bulldog. This is just one of the many interesting facts I learned while researching my Shermer High School lens.

• M3S is growing up so fast. He went peepees standing up over the weekend several times. Maybe because that was such a bonding experience between a boy and his Dada or maybe it's because his Mother is going to be having to spend more attention with the new baby, but he is switching from a Mama's boy to his Father's Son in the matter of a couple of weeks.

• All the new TV shows are starting up and I am not, at all, interested in any of them. All I get to watch anyway is Sprout and Noggin.

• Facebook is pretty cool. I have four friends and there are some pretty cool applications associated with the Site. My sister doesn't approve of me joining but I don't approve her pierced nose.

Short but sweet this week. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

Mell This!

A recent Web Poll question asks, "Which of your five senses would you most likely give up for $5 million?" 84.8% of the respondents chose smell. Although I can understand why they feel that way, I can't imagine going through life without any one of my senses, for any amount of money, but I think it would be especially hard to not be able to smell.

I am an visual artist by profession so, I suppose, being blind would be just incredibly tough to deal with. Music is also very important to me as a performing artist so losing my hearing would be very hard too. The sense (and scent) of smell, though, is very powerful. Smells can, among other things, cheer us up, calm us down, wake us, put us asleep, make us hungry, make us sick or trigger emotion or memories.

I have a new found respect for smells having recently quit smoking overnight (http://skeetzteez.blogspot.com/2008/08/how-to-quit-smoking-overnight.html). It was really strange, at first, how smells were so strong. I smelled something burning in my buddy's basement that no one else could find the fire. It was the neighbor's bar-b-que pit... two houses down. The way I found the cafeteria at the hospital was to sniff out, like a bloodhound, the only thing they were cooking at the time-- potatoes... just boiled potatoes. People would tell me for years how bad the stench of my gas I passed was, but I didn't believe them. Now I have a hard time staying in the room with myself when I fart.

Perfume and cologne products have been around since at least 2000 B.C. and are now a multi-billion dollar industry. I wish I had realized how important smell was a long time ago. Apparently there is a reason why the "good stuff" cost $50-$60 or more-- the Chicks dig it! At least a lot more than "the essence of some fragrance you've heard of" offered in the vending machine in gas station men's rooms for 25 cents a squirt.

Not that I ever used that stuff! I was a Polo man. In fact, I'm still a polo man. Not the Polo Sport or Polo Platinum stuff, either. We're talking dark green bottle, gold bulbous lid, smellin' like you just got out of high school gym class and didn't want to take a shower in a public locker room so you'll just throw on a bunch of this, original 1980's Ralph Lauren Polo. MLW hates it so I don't wear it much but I keep a bottle around because the smell reminds me of when I was cool (or at least thought I was cool).

During a recent trip to the mall we got turned-around in a department store and ended up in the middle of the men's' fragrance section. MLW who, by the way, smells everything before she buys it (and I mean everything), went about sticking sample bottles under my snout and asking me what I thought of this scent and that scent. M3S, imitating his mother and I, proceeded to grab the samples that he could reach (and some that he couldn't) and took a sniff himself. I don't know if is in his genetic makeup or if was pure, darn luck when he proudly showed us that green bottle of Polo and exclaimed, "Mell dis, Mama. Dis mells sooooo good! Dada should buy dis pray!" 

That's my boy!

He's only three-years (and has trouble with his consonant blends) but he doesn't get the concept that there is a difference between him and the older kids, or adults for that matter, so I give him a couple of sprays of my fancy cologne when I put it on. It makes him feel big and it makes me feel good that he wants to be like his Daddy.

I almost feel bad, though, that I used this little routine to trick him. M3S doesn't like to take a nap, or should I rephrase that? He doesn't like to sleep anytime! (He thinks he's going to miss something.) Well, he was getting excited when we did this cologne routine and I thought it would be fun to also spray his Teddy Bear (named not Teddy, but Barry). Barry, though, gets his own cologne, which is actually an aromatherapy, pillow spray that is supposed to make you sleepy. Since he takes Barry in the car seat and to bed with him, he has been much easier to get to sleep. Now if I can only find a smell to wake him up and clean the house.

See-- smells are powerful things, and we didn't even touch on the power that it has over your appetite. My mouth will start to water at the first whiff of a food that I really like. I bet you can't tell me that you don't get up from your desk at the office and track down the person that just microwaved a bag of popcorn late in the afternoon. 

Other smells can bring back memories. After my stroke I had the strangest thing occur (besides being able to burp for the first time in my life). My memories were so vivid that I felt that I could really smell them-- almost like a photographic memory with my nose. I could smell mornings after spending the night with my Grandparents when I was very young... bacon and eggs and cigarette smoke, as well as other things like the way my 5th grade teacher smelled of BO, coffee, moth balls and Old Spice. Weird, huh? I told my recovery psychiatrist and that's all he said... "weird, huh?"

There is one smell, though, that I remember from the years in my teens when my friends and I would hang out at Six Flags. It wasn't just the smell of the park itself although it had many distinctive odors like the wooden turnstiles, landscaping mulch and lemonade stand in the humid air in the line to ride Thunder River; the strangely appetizing combination of tasty funnel cakes, popcorn, freshly airbrushed T-shirts, fryer grease and electricity from the bumper cars through the game booths up by the Screaming Eagle; or the strong fragrance of vomit, consisting mostly of-- a powdered sugar donettes and Canadian Mist-- breakfast, behind the Galaga machine in the Pac 'em In Arcade. 

My favorite smell was, simply, the peaceful, clean odor of a strong, late-afternoon thundershower meeting the fresh blacktop that was heated to a comfortable 112º in the unbearable, hot, August sun. Every once in a while I will catch a bit of it drifting across my nostrils and it brings me back to our days and nights in that amusement park when our biggest worry was, "where did we park the car?" and we thought we were cool cause you could smell our Polo from 120 feet away.

No-- if you ask me, I am not going to give up my sense of smell. I'd just as soon cut my nose off. Besides, speaking physiologically, as I understand it, you would automatically lose your sense of taste if you lost your ability to smell. Therefore, you might as well just pick taste. Think of all the weight you would lose!

Buy T-shirts! http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez

When I was your age...

A comment I made in this blog yesterday that I remember when there was no MTV got me thinking about other things that or common today that we only imagined on the Jetsons. I think older folks stating things like, "When I was your age I walked seven miles to school everyday... uphill... both ways" has always happened, and as I get older, myself, I am starting to think the same way. Life gets easier for each generation, therefore each generation gets... softer.

I want to be careful that I don't, directly, say that young people are lazy. I would describe it as more of a sense of entitlement that is driven by the fact that advancements in technology and a, generally, strong economy since the mid-seventies.

MTV was just the tip of the iceberg of things that we gained since 1980-- which besides entertainment, it didn't have any real value. Cable TV though, as a whole, changed things dramatically. Overnight, we went from six channels (two of those had bad reception) to sixty. We used to get three channels of news three times a day, but all of a sudden we were bombarded with 24-hour news stations. Movie channels, history and science channels, food network and home and garden TV, as well as stations showing cartoons, classic TV reruns, religion, government and weather allowed viewers just about any information they had interest in.

Our family got cable later than most of my friends but not compared to when we got our first microwave. It seemed like years that I was amazed when people told me they could cook bacon in a few minutes or heat up leftover pizza for breakfast instead of eating it cold. You mean you can cook a TV dinner in the amount of time it takes me to pre-heat the oven?

Another question for the youth of today. At what age does a child require their own mobile phone? Today's cell phones are a big improvement over my first one, twelve years ago, at the age of 30. Our house had one phone (right in the middle of the, very private, kitchen) with one line when we were growing up. They call dialing a phone "dialing the phone" because it had a dial on it that you had to put your finger in and turn for each digit. If you were trying to win something on a call in radio show you had to start a minute and a half before they gave out the number. And we were lucky! Good friends of mine had a party line (shared with another family) until, at least, 1986.

None of these things, though, made as big an impact on our lives as computers. My dad was a programmer so I was aware of them from an early age but we would never consider having one in our home... because they were bigger than the house! By the time I got out of grade school they had got them down in size a bit and even video games had made it from the arcade to the home with the introduction of Atari. It was nothing like the gaming systems of today but, at the time, they were the coolest thing in the world! 

In high school I used my first personal computer-- a Commodore 64, but when I took my first computer class, during my Senior year, we used punch cards and the BASIC language to program giant machines to do very simple tasks. The cards went away like the metric system in the following few years as the computer technology advanced at the speed of light. I didn't even get a chance to take the only Computer Graphics 101 class in college before I graduated because my Career Counselor said it was a fad but, not a year later, I was working on my first Macintosh system and I haven't been able to keep up with the trend yet.

It took a few more years for Al Gore to invent the Internet, allowing users to do and learn and play even more and, as far as I can tell, unless a super-huge particle accelerator makes a mini-black hole that swallows up the earth and all it's surroundings, the possibilities are endless.

When I had my brain attack last year, the doctors and therapists told me that they have seen more and more strokes in young people recently. Although, I can't blame my inactivity, totally, I do believe that technological advancements leading to less work and more play made me lazy and contributed greatly to the event.

So, readers... I have a simple request. Get up (after you're finished reading this blog-- of course) and do something. You don't have to walk to school seven miles... uphill... both ways, make dinner without use of modern appliances or hire a personal trainer and get a gym membership... just do something: step away from the computer, get up to change one of the 207 TV channels (or even better, turn it off for a while), go for a walk with a friend, chase the kids around a while or your wife, for that matter. Even George Jetson took Astro for a brisk walk every night!

Think about how all of these, and hundreds of other advancements have made our lives so much better. They are all good... but that can be very bad for us.

Editor's Note: This article was supposed today and I had another that was supposed to run yesterday but I am not finished with the SkeetzTeez design to accompany the story. Therefore I am not pitching any specific design today, but don't let that discourage you from browsing: http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez

What I know about fashion.

If the length of this article corresponds with my level of knowledge on this subject, this will be the shortest post in the history of this blog. In fact, I can't think of a single thing that one would call a "do" when it comes to fashion. I have been called, though, on more than one occasion a "walking don't". Several years ago they, actually, had a dress like Skeetz day at work.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear. It's not that I don't care about how I look (I want to look nice for my wife) but, in all fairness, I think people worry way too much about how other people look, and therefore, how they look, themselves. Yes, I do make fun of what someone is wearing or a silly haircut or something but that is all in fun and, unless someone is dirty or stinky or dressed inappropriately for some reason or another, I don't care what they look like.

With that being said, there are some fashion rules that I have learned to live by– whether I want to or not:

• Mullets. On boys or girls, this hair style has not been in fashion since the mid-eighties– and even then, it was ugly. I, of course, had one until the mid-nineties and a modified one into the new millennium (most of that time, with a tail to boot).

• Shoes and belts should match and don't cross your brown and black color pallets. This one I have never really understood. I'm an artist. I have taken classes on what different colors mean and how they work together... and got an A. They can't say that nothing on the brown and black color pallets can go together, but they do and I am tired of fighting it so I follow the rule.

• Wear clean underwear. What if you get in an accident? Who's going to know if you follow this rule? And if you do get in an accident (and you don't crap yourself), do you really think anybody is going to care what condition your drawers are in? The reason I follow this rule is because the answer to the last two questions is: MLW

• Jorts. They're jeans. They're shorts. I should've known that they were bad fashion because I often wear them... but I didn't. Jorts, or jorts being uncool are a, fairly, new phenomenon. Here again jorts haven't been cool since the mid-eighties (if ever) and now they are definitely not. Whether the young, beautiful, cool people like it or not, they are, highly, outnumbered by the old, ugly dorks in the world... and we don't have a problem with them. 

In fact, I have created a Squidoo Lens dedicated to jorts. Visit the page at: http://www.squidoo.com/jortfashion and check out my jort t-shirts at: http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez/5891514

If you don't like these shirt designs (Cubs Fans) leave me a comment on who you think wears jorts and I will produce those designs too!