You Gotta Be Kidding Me 1.02

The mercury was just creeping up over 2-degrees this morning when I rolled into work-- coldest temperature in St. Louis in over 10-years. As I turned the corner past the receptionist and down the main hallway toward my work station, I was unwrapping myself from the several layers of scarves, coats and hoodies, when I stopped, face-to-face, with a young man coming out of the break room with his cup of warm beverage of some kind.

I was certain to pardon myself as I did not want him to spill on himself, the floor or, most importantly me, and quickly went on about my way. As far as I was concerned, a long, drawn-out conversation was not needed because, although this guy had worked in our office of about 100 employees for a little over a year, I knew his name and said, "Hi, how you doin'?" in passing before, we didn't really work together or socialize, we had nothing in common, I was running a little late due to a stalled car on the highway and I am not big on the small talk, anyway.

He just couldn't leave well enough alone, however, and had to come back with the witty, "Cold enough for you?" I stammered for something to say, not expecting to be presented with such a deep question at 8:02 A.M... "No, I was hoping we would get to see negative numbers today"... "It's not the cold, but the humidity, that will get you"... "You know that is 14-degrees in dog-temperature"... didn't come to me until later. All I could think of at the time was, "Yeah, Buddy!" followed by a, "you, tool"... under my breath.

Why can't anyone just go about there business and not say anything when you don't have to? Why is it that, when found in an uncomfortable situation, we often have the need to just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind? Has the phrase Silence is Golden lost it's impact with the falling prices of precious metals?

I had only been working-out at the YMCA for about a week when I realized that there was an unwritten routine and an etiquette that one needs to follow. Among other things, certain people are in certain places and doing certain things at certain times-- like clockwork. It didn't take too many dirty looks before I figured out that, at 6:05, treadmills #4, 5 and 9, and elliptical machines #1 and 6 are available, but by 6:15 all of the ellipticals are being used, however, treadmill #5 is still open and #6 and 7 have opened up, too.

It took a little longer to grasp the pecking order in the locker room. Grown men can be pretty territorial when it comes to changing spaces. It is best to search for a spot without padlocks on, at least, four adjacent lockers, in each direction. In addition, you should try to keep to yourself and never speak unless first spoken to. You may, however, give a head-nod or hand-raise, accompanied by a low-volume and -tone grunt or an inaudible, questioning mumble as a salutation upon coming or going.

After two-and-a-half months of-- over-an-hour-long workouts, five-days-a-week-- not talking to a single soul, I really thought that I had become invisible or something. Perhaps, since it was early, I had morning breath, but I never opened my mouth enough for anyone to get a whiff. Can people really go for months without interacting with anyone? Maybe it just takes a while for individuals to warm-up to each other and feel comfortable sharing conversation? It could just be me, though, because I have actually seen people in the gym talking to each other, and on one occasion I could even hear words coming out of their mouths and smiles on their faces!

In fact, there is one guy that must have been a member for many years as there has been more than one occurrence that I have seen him talking with more than one person. For weeks, I would see him make his rounds and say, "good morning", to other members, but not a word to me... until that faithful day just after Christmas...

With the holiday upon us, the Y was going to take care of some maintenance issues while they were less busy between Christmas and New Years. Among the things on their "to-do" list was replace the shower heads in the men's locker room, so they shut down half of the plumbing at a time to make repairs. Although there were, definitely, less people working out during the holiday, it was still a bit crowded in the very early morning and with some of the facilities unavailable, the guys were cramped in the tight quarters. Instead of leaving one or two stations between bathers, some were forced to do the normally unthinkable, and shower right next to another man.

I wasn't too very freaked out about this as, since I was exposed to a lot of new experiences when I had the stroke, I had become much less inhibited. I couldn't help but feel a little uneasy, though, when the dude that was always friendly to everyone else but me, pulled up to the shower-station next to me and said, "How you doing? I'm John." 

In my shock and embarrassment, I was unsure if he stuck out his hand and I was too afraid to look so I just squeaked out out a quick, "Good. Scott." and went on about my business. Is it considered rude to not shake the hand of a naked man? It has been awkward and we haven't said a word since-- just the occasional head-nod and grunt in passing.

I'm not sure if you understand or not. There are rules! Men do not visit the bathroom in pairs like women. They do not speak to each other or look anywhere but straight ahead when they are using a urinal so I would assume that the same would also apply to public showers. Maybe he was from a different Country or something?

About a year ago, I was still in therapy but progressing very well so they put me in a group psychology session that met every Friday at lunch-time. The group consisted of usually 6-10 other patients that had suffered brain injuries of some kind and were getting ready to get back into their everyday routine in the real world so there was a variety of people attending in the eight-weeks or so that I participated.

On this particular Friday, I was dropped-off by my driver a bit early which was both unusual and advantageous because I really had to use the restroom. I did my best to limp past the meeting room down the hall towards the lavatory as quickly as possible when I approached a guy that I recognized as being part of the group but he had not been there in several weeks. I gave him a head-nod and a "how-ya-doin'" as I hobbled past him and he mumbled something back that I didn't pay attention to as I reached my goal and turned into the bathroom.

I entered the middle of three stalls with a big sigh of relief that I held back as I heard the door squeak open and someone else come in. I sat quietly and, through the space between the door and the frame, saw the gentleman, slowly passed my stall and occupy the one right next to me-- serves me right for picking the middle one. I now tried to delay my business as I didn't want to draw attention to myself with someone sitting right next to me.

And then he said, "Hey, how you doing?"

Stunned I replied, "Pretty good... How are you?" not thinking that the conversation would go any further... but it did... "Alright. So what are you up to?"

OK, so this is really freaking me out and I thinking, "Don't answer. This is nuts. Don't answer."

But I say, "Well, I have a group psych session and had a few minutes to kill so I thought that I would come in here and take care of my busin..."

But he cut me off with, "What time are you going to be there?" and at this point I'm thinking, "Yeah this is crazy that we are having a conversation in the stalls in the men's room, but you started it and now your cutting me off? That is just rude, but again, I answer, "Well, group starts at noon, but they usually run a little late so I've got..." and this time I stop, myself as I hear him say,

"Hey, I'm going to have to let you go because there some moron in the stall next to me that thinks I'm talking to him.

I didn't even finish what I started and left as quick as I could without making another sound. I was glad that none of my group partners were there to see me make a fool of myself. As we were getting ready to start, the guy that I saw in the hallway came in, plopped himself down in the chair next to me and said, in a very familiar voice, "Hey, how you doing?"

We had a good laugh about it after the session and then I never saw (or heard) him again.

I know this story is so good that it sounds like a joke. In fact, someone emailed me a similar story, shortly after the event occurred. The only proof that I have that it really happened is that guy that was there-- maybe he started the email about me.

Sometimes it's just better to say nothing.

Read This. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

Monday Morning Quarterback 1.15

Happy New Year! What is today-- the 5th already? It is real easy to lose track of time on these four-day-weekends. I never feel that I get enough done or have enough fun during that time, either. We were awfully busy, though, so here are the notes from the week:

• Working in a city like St. Louis, with a large percentage of African-Americans, Catholics and Americans, you would think that we would be off for Dr. Martin Luther King Day, Good Friday or President's Day but we don't have another holiday until Memorial Day. 

• I would be interested to know if the rate of heart attack is higher in the first week of the New Year because out-of-shape individuals try to fulfill their year-long resolutions to get fit in four-days. There must have been three times the regular number of people at the gym this morning and, from the looks of things, a few of them were not going to make it through to Wednesday. I didn't have to perform mouth-to-mouth on anyone but it may have been a different story if one guy didn't pull a hammy or that lady didn't blow out her knee.

• You can partially blame seasonal depression on lack of sunlight but, I believe, more of it has to do with transitioning from the joyous, active, event-filled, holiday season to January and February, when the best thing you have to hope for is... March.

• We have not had that bad of a Winter, yet, here in the Mid-West. If you are looking for snow you will have to wait until four-six-hours before MLW goes into labor for the really deep stuff-- with a 46-mile trip to the hospital... you can count on it.

• The one good thing about this time of year is that it is Trivia Night Season. If you are as excited as I am visit How to Win a Trivia Night and give add your input.

• Wii is just what it Nintendo markets it as-- a really good way for families to play games together... even for the kids and Mom. The motion sensing remotes are pretty cool, but for serious gamers I still recommend Xbox360.

• The cymbals for the RockBand drum kit are pretty much just for show as they just replace the corresponding drum pad, but they are fun to crash. What I really want to try is the mufflers that reduce the amount of sound produced when you hit the pads with the stick. If they work, why don't they just modify the drum set that comes with the game to include them as standard? It would inexpensively improve the quality of the game greatly.

• The over/under of when I will last write 2008 when I mean to write 2009 is May 11.

• The first time that I will have to choose between MLW and M3S is coming up this Summer. My Son asked, yesterday, if he could have his next Birthday Party at the place that his cousin had his and my Wife has his and his unborn brother's parties planned until they are 14. There is nothing in those plans about going to the "jumpy place".

• I have been trying to prepare M3S's room for when the new baby will take over the nursery and had the bright idea on Saturday to build him a new bed. It told me right on the Website that I could do it, and I believed it. My Dad built my brother and I a circus cage bunk bed when we were little with bars and everything so I have asked for his help. I will give updates on how the project is going and post pictures when/if it is complete.

• I have realized that I miss a whole lot more than just the company gossip by not smoking anymore. This time of year you come in before dawn and leave after dusk. In a building with no windows, if you don't leave for lunch, it can be days before you see the sun.

• A nice December shopping season has definitely made SkeetzTeez a success! Now that the holidays are over, however, sales have been less than impressive. Except for the occasional interest in my adult designs, almost all of my sales have been the Big Brother or Big Sister shirts. Because, it seems, that there are so many pregnant women that like my designs, I am working on an expanded maternity section with the intent on opening a shop for new baby families only!

• I have gotten a lot of great comments on my blog in recent weeks that I would like to thank my readers for the kind words. I have gone back and re-read some of my older entries and will publish The Best of 2008 later in the week with my favorites. I hope you will enjoy them!

• I love to hear your feed back! (Even if it isn't always, totally, positive.) Please respond to the articles and tell me what you think!

Read This. Buy T-Shirts. Peace.

Monday Morning Quarterback 1.12

Cyber-Monday Morning Quarterback this week. I really don't know what all of the big hub-bub was about though. I haven't seen any increase in sales at SkeetzTeez at all! I'm still hoping that we will see some kind of sales increase before the holidays. If you think  about it, the designs in my shop are going to appeal, mostly, to people that fall into a demographic as mine... impulse buyers that often wait until the last minute. So there is nothing to worry about yet.

I've been off for the last four-days in observance of Thanksgiving and I haven't posted anything in five- or six-days so I have a lot to get caught up on and only a half-hour left on my lunch so let's get to my notes from the weekend:

• Ever notice that the Jewish community usually observes holidays while most others celebrate holidays? It's like one big party when you're thirteen and then no more fun until you get married or die.

• Did you hear of the tragic story of the Wal-Mart employee that was trampled to death by 2,000 Black Friday shoppers? I don't blame the store because they did not do anything different than thousands of other retail outlets across the nation but what does that have to say about our society?

• I went shopping for a short time on Friday and it was enough to turn me off for the entire holiday season. Besides being, literally, run into by a rude, fat man in one of those electric carts and having some DVDs taken out of my cart, I don't think I saw even one act of Christmas spirit in the three stores I was at. I'm doing the rest of my shopping online.

• We've had our first snowfall of the year. It was just a dusting but I'm surprised we've made it through alive. I left 30-minutes early for work this morning and still arrived 30-minutes late. This is surprising as I thought everyone would be at the grocery stores stocking up on milk and bread like they were going to be trapped at home for a week, instead of on the highways freaking out on black ice in the middle of my path downtown.

• More than several years ago a roommate of mine took a loaf of bread from a woman's cart that was stocking up for a big storm. She had a cartload and we just wanted to make a sandwich.

• We may have a new family tradition for Thanksgiving. We avoided the stress of visiting both sides of the family and went to the Holiday Parade and followed it with a family movie matinee (we were the only three in the theater) and an afternoon nap. May be the best Thanksgiving we had since being married because there were no fights!

• We have another tradition on my side of the family that we have been doing for several years now. I don't know who's idea it was but I think it is brilliant. My dad, brother, brother-in-law and I meet in the morning the day or two after Thanksgiving and help each other string up our Christmas lights followed by a leftover feast at Mimi's.

• Although I like white lights on the house, this year we are going green. The new LED lights cost three-times as much but they supposedly use much less electricity. In addition, they are more durable, so we may be able to use them more than one year and they are about 10x as bright. The traditional white lights look like yellow next to them.

• Watch later this week for my Top Ten List of Holiday Movies. I don't know what makes me an authority of the subject but, honestly, what makes anyone else an expert either?

• I noticed on Yahoo that today is World AIDS Day. Remember when we new very little about AIDS and it was all over the news? Now that we have been convinced that it is not a real threat to the average American we rarely think about it but it is still killing millions of people in the third-world.

• Those of you that follow my blog know that I was planning on sharing my post, From the Bottom of My Heart, at a special Thanksgiving service at church. I wasn't sure how I felt about opening up in front of all of those people but I am glad I did and I hope others got as much out of hearing my story as I got out of sharing it.

• Our pastor printed and handed out copies of my blog post on Sunday so my secret may be out and members of NC3 may be regular readers now. If you are... Welcome. I will have to be sure to keep it clean.

• Weighed in today at 186!

• Happy Birthday Asher! Just in case she ever checks in on the blog. I doubt it though since she is a big-shot college student.

• The one year mark of my stroke came and went without much fanfare. I have tried to write about it several times but just can't find the time to gather all of my thoughts into something worthwhile. I will try to get something done on it this week but here is the story summed up in a quick note. Good news: Remarkable recovery of close to 100% and I am probably in the best shape in the last 20-years. Bad news: No one cares to hear that I had a major brain injury except insurance companies and since it has been a year, I promised MLW that I would stop using it as an excuse for my incompetence. I guess I will have to go back to blaming my incompetence on being a male.

• Although many are tired about hearing my story, I am still on a mission to tell everyone I can reach about the risks involved in chiropractic treatment. If you or a loved one put your well-being in the hands of a chiropractor, you must check out my Squidoo lens Sroke-Chiropractor.

Buy T-shirts. Peace.

 

Who's the fat guy talking to Mark?

A good friend posted some pictures of our visit to the pumpkin patch on Facebook. I was going through them looking for shots of my Son in the vast sea of children (most of them hers), not recognizing anyone until I caught a glimpse of her husband in the crowd. My first thought was, "Who's the fat guy talking to Mark?" but on closer inspection I realized it was me... I thought he looked familiar!

I made the mistake of standing, nakee, in front of the mirror on Friday. At home I know where the full-lengths are strategically located and I make it a habit not to get caught in front of one, but we stayed in a hotel this weekend and I wasn't paying attention. I woke up from an afternoon nap and dropped my clothes on the floor before darting into the bathroom for a shower and spun right into a full-frontal. I think it would be safe for me to say that you can ask anyone that knows me and they would say I am anything but vane, however, this was not a pretty sight.

What I saw made me disgusted to think that, not a year earlier, I stood in front of a mirror looking at a body that was mostly crippled on one side, promising myself that, if I regained my strength and coordination, I was not going to fall back into the bad habits that allowed me to get out of shape. I, honestly, don't know what happened. Although, I haven't been a fitness fanatic, I am still eating ten times better than I was before the stroke and working out more often also, yet I have gained more weight in the last 12 months than I have in any period in my life.

I have cut the salt, the fat, and the carbs and, as a result (and with the added help of some really good meds) I have brought down my blood-pressure and my cholesterol to acceptable levels but even with the additional exercise, I am still not losing-- and sometimes even gaining, pounds. My first thought was that the medications could be contributing to my difficulties, but nothing I have read would lead me to believe that any of them would cause a problem.

I tried to blame some of the weight on sympathy gain because my wife is pregnant with our second child. I could believe that was the problem until my sympathy gain exceeded her actual weight gain and M3S exclaimed that Dada was going to have a big baby when he understood that Mama's belly was getting big because it had a baby growing in it.

I know that some people pack on the poundage when they quit smoking but I would have a very hard time using this as an excuse considering I quit overnight with the only ill-effect being that I was tired all of the time. I continued to lose weight for the first three or four months afterward so I don't think the delayed nicotine withdrawal argument is going to fly.

My wife tends to think that it is all because of my age. 43 is not what I would consider old now, though, 25-30 years ago I certainly would. If I can't use my lost youth as a legitimate explanation for the stroke-- I can't use it for a good reason to be lazy and out of shape either.

During my rehabilitation, I fell into some excellent habits. I took my diet and exercise to the extreme-- partly because I was scared to death of dying, but mostly because I wanted to be sure to get a good head-start because it would be hard to keep up that pace and not start slacking. That slacking, however, came back way too quickly once I got back to a semi-normal routine. I went from being bored and looking for things to do with all of the free time I had to being worn-out all the time when I went back to work. In addition, sitting at a desk all day isn't very healthy either-- at least with my nicotine habit, I would get up to go to the smoking area four times a day.

I have always enjoyed working out earlier rather than later and, from what I've heard, this is much better for burning calories. I find it extremely hard to get myself motivated to go to the gym after work-- or even worse, after dinner. There is a group of people at work though that actually workout before they come in but I could just never see myself getting up before the Sun, dragging my butt out of bed, into the car and up to the YMCA, when I could do something much more sensible and enjoyable, like... sleep!

This was before the incident with the mirror, though, and my knee-jerk, paranoia, hypochondriac reaction to get up early the next morning, drag my sorry butt out of bed, down the stairs (instead of the elevator) and into the hotel "fitness center"-- two treadmills and a stationary bike. They weren't the best facilities but I got in an almost 50-minute session before MLW and M3S came down looking for breakfast and the other key to the room.

Later in the afternoon, I commented how it felt good-- mentally and, surprisingly, physically-- to get up and get in that workout early in the morning... and while on vacation to boot. My wife suggested that I should try it when we get home, and reminded me that I usually get up to load our Son in the car for her at 5:30 anyway. I never thought of it like that.

So, this morning, I gave it a shot. MLW, gently, woke me at 5:30 so I could carry 38 pounds of dead weight 50-feet to the garage and load M3S into his car seat and then I dragged my sorry butt into the car and to the Y. I got in a 5-minute warm-up and stretch, 18-minutes on the treadmill, a quick upper-body circuit and 16-minutes on the elliptical machine. I still had time to take a nice hot shower and stop back by the house to pick up a few things that I forgot before I was off to work.

I don't know how I will hold up the rest of the day. It is only lunch time now but I am already feeling a little tired. I hope that I will soon pick up a second wind, though, because I am committed to giving this a shot, at least, through the end of the week. I'm sure it will get easier if I get used to it.

Besides, I weighed in while I was at the YMCA and I'm a little embarrassed to say that I tipped the scales at 191. I'm embarrassed but still willing to post my weight here as well as my goal of 182 by December 31 and 175 by February 19 to better hold myself accountable. There is not a lot of people that are reading this blog but, probably, enough to get on my case if I start slacking again.

I will give periodic updates on my progress in the upcoming weeks. Until then... Read This. Buy T-shirts. Peace.