How to Make A Mix-Tape

They say that music soothes the savage beast. I don't think you can call me a savage-- beast maybe, but not a savage... but I agree that music can be soothing. It can also stir a lot of other emotions and feelings but right now I need it to be soothing. I have had a rough morning so I have put in my ear buds, kicked up my iTunes and I am going to hide under my desk, close my eyes and put everything else out of my mind for a few minutes...

There, that's better. It is pretty amazing how that works. Certain recordings can take you to happy places and better times in the same way that a picture can, or a smell or taste. All of our senses have the ability to affect us physically, mentally and emotionally, but music goes a step further by blocking out other distractions.

As a performer, I have had firsthand experience seeing how music can affect, effect and infect people. For some it may be a rock 'n roll song that "pumps them up", almost to a point of an aggressive frenzy. For others it may be a mellow ballad that makes them cry or a peppy pop tune that brings a smile to their face. Christian music and religious hymns can be very powerful, bringing the listener to their feet in a moment of joy and classical music or other genres can be very spiritual, as well, to some. It is very different for every person, but I think everyone has some degree of instinctual, internal rhythm that is keeping time to a song in their head.

Having dealt with many challenges with anxiety, I have a collection of songs categorized by attitude adjustments that they bring on. Music to help make me happy, relaxed, energized, concentrate or reflective is all grouped in different playlists on my computer. My calming tunes have even been burned to a series of CDs so I can listen to them in the car-- to prevent road rage or at the office-- to prevent work wage. I also have other song sets that I listen to if I want to get in the proper mood to do something like workout, mow the lawn or get romantical.

I love the idea of playlists because it reminds me of the mix-tapes that we used to make before the Internet age and the invention of the CD burner. A mix-tape is a group of songs recorded to cassette tape with the intention of reflecting the producer's chosen theme. Anyone could make them with very minimal equipment and with vinyl, 8-tracks, cassettes or even compact discs but a true mix-tape artist would toil hours-upon-hours to get the best possible reproduction of the perfect, 60-minute, combination of tracks.

Mix-tapes have been around since the early 1970s when compact cassettes were made readily available to the public and hit their peak in the 80s and 90s before fading away in this millennium when consumers were able to record music, as well as data and video to compact disc. The amateur recordings were vaulted into mainstream pop-culture with the release of the 2000 film, High Fidelity, starring John Cusack and based on the novel of the same name by Nick Hornby-- a great flick that I would highly recommend, especially if you, like me, are a big fan of Cusack.

Some would argue that the CD Compilation is the mix-tape of today, but the purist knows that the shiny silver discs could never live up to the small, twin wheels of fragile, thin tape embedded in that smokey, plastic shell and that no one could cue a song with a pencil, blindfolded, with one hand tied behind their back, as well as them.

Today, as with many other days, this went a different direction than I intended. Visit How to Make a Mix-Tape if you would like to read more of what I have to say on the subject. Be sure to check back soon when I will post the article that I was planning or writing about how the music of today and the music of the past is impacting each other.

Until then, Read This. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

You Gotta Be Kidding Me 1.02

The mercury was just creeping up over 2-degrees this morning when I rolled into work-- coldest temperature in St. Louis in over 10-years. As I turned the corner past the receptionist and down the main hallway toward my work station, I was unwrapping myself from the several layers of scarves, coats and hoodies, when I stopped, face-to-face, with a young man coming out of the break room with his cup of warm beverage of some kind.

I was certain to pardon myself as I did not want him to spill on himself, the floor or, most importantly me, and quickly went on about my way. As far as I was concerned, a long, drawn-out conversation was not needed because, although this guy had worked in our office of about 100 employees for a little over a year, I knew his name and said, "Hi, how you doin'?" in passing before, we didn't really work together or socialize, we had nothing in common, I was running a little late due to a stalled car on the highway and I am not big on the small talk, anyway.

He just couldn't leave well enough alone, however, and had to come back with the witty, "Cold enough for you?" I stammered for something to say, not expecting to be presented with such a deep question at 8:02 A.M... "No, I was hoping we would get to see negative numbers today"... "It's not the cold, but the humidity, that will get you"... "You know that is 14-degrees in dog-temperature"... didn't come to me until later. All I could think of at the time was, "Yeah, Buddy!" followed by a, "you, tool"... under my breath.

Why can't anyone just go about there business and not say anything when you don't have to? Why is it that, when found in an uncomfortable situation, we often have the need to just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind? Has the phrase Silence is Golden lost it's impact with the falling prices of precious metals?

I had only been working-out at the YMCA for about a week when I realized that there was an unwritten routine and an etiquette that one needs to follow. Among other things, certain people are in certain places and doing certain things at certain times-- like clockwork. It didn't take too many dirty looks before I figured out that, at 6:05, treadmills #4, 5 and 9, and elliptical machines #1 and 6 are available, but by 6:15 all of the ellipticals are being used, however, treadmill #5 is still open and #6 and 7 have opened up, too.

It took a little longer to grasp the pecking order in the locker room. Grown men can be pretty territorial when it comes to changing spaces. It is best to search for a spot without padlocks on, at least, four adjacent lockers, in each direction. In addition, you should try to keep to yourself and never speak unless first spoken to. You may, however, give a head-nod or hand-raise, accompanied by a low-volume and -tone grunt or an inaudible, questioning mumble as a salutation upon coming or going.

After two-and-a-half months of-- over-an-hour-long workouts, five-days-a-week-- not talking to a single soul, I really thought that I had become invisible or something. Perhaps, since it was early, I had morning breath, but I never opened my mouth enough for anyone to get a whiff. Can people really go for months without interacting with anyone? Maybe it just takes a while for individuals to warm-up to each other and feel comfortable sharing conversation? It could just be me, though, because I have actually seen people in the gym talking to each other, and on one occasion I could even hear words coming out of their mouths and smiles on their faces!

In fact, there is one guy that must have been a member for many years as there has been more than one occurrence that I have seen him talking with more than one person. For weeks, I would see him make his rounds and say, "good morning", to other members, but not a word to me... until that faithful day just after Christmas...

With the holiday upon us, the Y was going to take care of some maintenance issues while they were less busy between Christmas and New Years. Among the things on their "to-do" list was replace the shower heads in the men's locker room, so they shut down half of the plumbing at a time to make repairs. Although there were, definitely, less people working out during the holiday, it was still a bit crowded in the very early morning and with some of the facilities unavailable, the guys were cramped in the tight quarters. Instead of leaving one or two stations between bathers, some were forced to do the normally unthinkable, and shower right next to another man.

I wasn't too very freaked out about this as, since I was exposed to a lot of new experiences when I had the stroke, I had become much less inhibited. I couldn't help but feel a little uneasy, though, when the dude that was always friendly to everyone else but me, pulled up to the shower-station next to me and said, "How you doing? I'm John." 

In my shock and embarrassment, I was unsure if he stuck out his hand and I was too afraid to look so I just squeaked out out a quick, "Good. Scott." and went on about my business. Is it considered rude to not shake the hand of a naked man? It has been awkward and we haven't said a word since-- just the occasional head-nod and grunt in passing.

I'm not sure if you understand or not. There are rules! Men do not visit the bathroom in pairs like women. They do not speak to each other or look anywhere but straight ahead when they are using a urinal so I would assume that the same would also apply to public showers. Maybe he was from a different Country or something?

About a year ago, I was still in therapy but progressing very well so they put me in a group psychology session that met every Friday at lunch-time. The group consisted of usually 6-10 other patients that had suffered brain injuries of some kind and were getting ready to get back into their everyday routine in the real world so there was a variety of people attending in the eight-weeks or so that I participated.

On this particular Friday, I was dropped-off by my driver a bit early which was both unusual and advantageous because I really had to use the restroom. I did my best to limp past the meeting room down the hall towards the lavatory as quickly as possible when I approached a guy that I recognized as being part of the group but he had not been there in several weeks. I gave him a head-nod and a "how-ya-doin'" as I hobbled past him and he mumbled something back that I didn't pay attention to as I reached my goal and turned into the bathroom.

I entered the middle of three stalls with a big sigh of relief that I held back as I heard the door squeak open and someone else come in. I sat quietly and, through the space between the door and the frame, saw the gentleman, slowly passed my stall and occupy the one right next to me-- serves me right for picking the middle one. I now tried to delay my business as I didn't want to draw attention to myself with someone sitting right next to me.

And then he said, "Hey, how you doing?"

Stunned I replied, "Pretty good... How are you?" not thinking that the conversation would go any further... but it did... "Alright. So what are you up to?"

OK, so this is really freaking me out and I thinking, "Don't answer. This is nuts. Don't answer."

But I say, "Well, I have a group psych session and had a few minutes to kill so I thought that I would come in here and take care of my busin..."

But he cut me off with, "What time are you going to be there?" and at this point I'm thinking, "Yeah this is crazy that we are having a conversation in the stalls in the men's room, but you started it and now your cutting me off? That is just rude, but again, I answer, "Well, group starts at noon, but they usually run a little late so I've got..." and this time I stop, myself as I hear him say,

"Hey, I'm going to have to let you go because there some moron in the stall next to me that thinks I'm talking to him.

I didn't even finish what I started and left as quick as I could without making another sound. I was glad that none of my group partners were there to see me make a fool of myself. As we were getting ready to start, the guy that I saw in the hallway came in, plopped himself down in the chair next to me and said, in a very familiar voice, "Hey, how you doing?"

We had a good laugh about it after the session and then I never saw (or heard) him again.

I know this story is so good that it sounds like a joke. In fact, someone emailed me a similar story, shortly after the event occurred. The only proof that I have that it really happened is that guy that was there-- maybe he started the email about me.

Sometimes it's just better to say nothing.

Read This. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

Let's Roll! 1.10

I wanted to take this opportunity to tease a special story that I will post sometime next week. It is a special follow-up report on my driving series that was published last year. As I was driving home from work on I-70 at 22 miles per hour, I did some quick calculations in my head and was astounded at the amount of time that I spend in my car! I am taking some time to do a little more research and put together a another piece commenting on our commuting habits.

I came down with some kind of stomach bug that has put me out of commission for some time this week, but I still hope to get this post out before Saturday. Because I'm doing a Let's Roll, MLW will not read it anyway but, while doing my research, I have stumbled across several Websites that I wanted to feature today. They include a tool to improve your Squidoo experience and a couple of tributes to the best decade in the history of the world. Let's Roll:

SquidUtils-

Squidoo supplies users with an abundance of tools for use with the application but SquidUtils takes it a few steps further with an extensive list of utilities and very simple explanations of how to use them to work for you. An Advanced Dashboard, as well as tools for lens building and maintenance will allow you to determine the needs of your individual lenses and a directory to make your lenses available to other users with similar interests. There is also a chat room, other plug-in extensions and an interesting little forum where you can buy and sell lenses in an auction-type setting. If you have created lenses on Squidoo, you should have this Site bookmarked.

Stuck in the 80s-

I have to mention my disclaimer again-- I don't like to list other people's blogs because you have no idea what type of person the writer really is. I have read through a good number of entries on this site, however, and not only does it seem fairly family friendly, it is also very entertaining for a child of the 80s, such as myself and the online editor who was kind enough to feature my Shermer High School Bulldogs T-shirt in October. Along with his commentary on all things eighties, there are links to the official Websites of the decades bands and personalities... Totally Rad!

David Lee Roth Running with the Devil Soundboard-

The epitome of a rock 'n' roll front man, Diamond Dave filled the airwaves and concert halls with an loud, arrogant, flambouyant personality. His sound bites were a hard to avoid plastered between music videos at the peak of MTV popularity. (Yes... they used to play videos on MTV.) I can't, possibly, believe that this is really digital sampling of DLR's distinctive vocal stylings, but if it's not, it is certainly a good impression. I like to pull this up when I'm at work and try to use one of the 37 Davisms as a response to all of the stupid questions I am asked during the day.

How to Tight Roll Pants-

I here it is coming back into style and if you have not been properly trained in the technique, you should not try this with you fine denim-wear. 

Short but sweet this week because my Wife doesn't like these. Read this. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

Best of 2008

I started writing this blog on July 17 and have since published 90 articles, to date. I wrote a few more that the general public did not see for one reason or another, and have several more in the hopper, for a rainy day, in various stages of completion. For all intent and purposes then, I have written over 100 stories, or about a post in 2 out of every 3 days, for the last six-months.

That's a lot but, when I began, I thought I would write something every day. Less than two-weeks in however, I realized I wasn't going to be able to keep that pace. After all, I do have a life with a day job, a Son and pregnant wife, a bowling league, two gaming systems and a couple of friends that I like to keep up with from time to time. Besides, to try to write more often I would really have to stretch the limits of the topics I am truly interested in and that would quickly get boring for me and the few regular readers that I do have.

No... I am pretty happy with the volume of articles that I have been posting; I am very happy that I am having fun doing this; but what is most surprising to me, is that I'm not too, terribly bad at it either. This is only my humble opinion and, in the past, I would never consider myself a writer but you'll have to admit there is a lot worse stuff out there on the Internet and a lot worse ways for you or me to spend the amount of time it takes to read or write it.

As I was looking back on the year and the postings in this blog, I wanted to do something to review the Best of 2008. I couldn't do a straight Top Ten or something because there are so many different types of entries that I would have a hard time choosing, so I just went through and picked the ones that I thought had some kind of merit and started to list them for what they were worth. 

I don't expect anyone to sit and read through them all but, if you are visiting for the first time, this will give you a good idea of how we roll. If you have been here before, it may highlight something that you missed or something that you like but forgot about. This is what I came up with:

Best Way to Make a Big Announcement... The Big Question

I would have picked How to Announce Your Expecting (A Baby) but absolutely no one was reading my blog at the time except MLW and she already knew she was pregnant so there wasn't much of an impact.

Best Post for a Good Cause... Beat It, Beat It, Beat It

Here again, I could have gone with I Survived A Major Brain Injury... but it was an earlier article that no one read. I think it was a few weeks later that I really hit a good stride and built some rhythm into my stories. A lot of it had to do with opening up and having the courage to write what I really felt instead of just trying to sell a T-shirt. The story about Tocco helped me do that.

Best Idea That Just Didn't Catch On... Jonah's Brothers Tour T-Shirts

I thought this was so clever. Obviously, the world didn't agree with me. An honorable mention goes to All You Need Is Love. It wasn't as good of an idea but just as many people "got it"-- none.

Best Surprise That It Did Catch On... A Trip to the Land of the Lost

I had no idea that anyone ever watched this show and really didn't expect much interest at all but have gotten a ton of visits from the posting. If I didn't have the sleestack design, I could say the same thing about What Did the Headless Horseman Say to Frankenstein, but I do so I can't.

Best Self Help Article... How to Quit Smoking Overnight

I wouldn't recommend it for everyone but if you are really desperate...

Best Instructional Post... I'm an Excellent Driver

Ohh... please don't get me started!

Best Political Comment... What Is A Bellwether State?

Thank God we don't have to deal with that again for another four or eight years.

Best Spiritual Story... From the Bottom of My Heart

I planned on reading this during the Thanksgiving Sharing Service at church but was almost sure I would chicken out at the last minute. Somehow I worked up the courage to do it in front of the whole congregation. It went over pretty well and I felt great afterward-- Who would've thought? 

Best List... The Twelve Days of Christmas Specials

I'm starting to like this list format. This was the first one I did and I like it but wish I would've included links to each one as I did in America's Top 40: Christmas.

Best Use of Sarcasm... When I Was Your Age...

There is not enough sarcasm in the world today.

Best Post That Required A Lot of Research... What's In Your Name?

Took me a few days to put this one together-- last time I'll do that.

Best "Let's Roll"... 1.07

MLW hates these but, even she will admit, the Halloween Edition was a real Thriller!

Best "You Gotta Be Kidding Me"... 1.01

This one still freaks me out every time I hear it and they are still claiming it's true!

Best Response... Things That I Learned in 2008

MLW liked this article so much that she forwarded it to everyone in her address book. I think we, directly or indirectly, heard comments from every one of those kind folks. Thanks.

Best Issue That I Would Most Like to See Go Viral... It Only Seems Fair

You can help! Read this and forward to anyone you know that visits a chiropractor, anyone who knows someone in chiropractic treatment or anyone else who may be interested in joining the cause.

Best Post... Memories of "The Lot"

It's just my opinion but, then again, the whole thing is my opinion so if I say it is the best... it's the best.

That's the best I can narrow it down. I can't imagine how tough it will be to do this next year when there is a whole year's posts to consider. I think the articles are getting better as I go so as long as I can keep coming up with decent subject matter, 2009 should be looking good.

Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for reading. Buy T-Shirts. Peace.

Designs We Like 1.02

The December blog exchange features The Copy Editor-- All About Style. To be completely honest, I have never been overly fond of Copy Editors in my professional life. I have always thought that they thought to much of words while, as an artist, I know that the picture was more important.

The same holds true for this cafepress shop but, although the designs offered here are lacking in the graphics department, it more than makes up for it with some of the funniest stuff I have seen on the Internet. The category named headline bloopers features product with real headlines found in national or international newspapers. It may sound simple, but with double entendres such as Police: Crack Found in Man's Buttocks, One-Arm Man Applauds the Kindness of Strangers and Iraqi Head Seeks Arms as well as over a dozen other hilarious clunkers you have to wonder if these headline writers didn't know exactly what they were doing.

This shop is full of other fun stuff in categories like Language at Large, Unsung Heroes, Journos, The Copy Desk and Dept. of Corrections with lots of cool products to choose from including T-shirts, bags, caps and desk accessories, as well as a large selection of value Tees. Overall... a lot of neat designs that you should make it a point to check out as soon as possible.

Now, to get this published, all I have to do is run it past my copy editor. Wish me luck!

This blog is part of a crossover blog. Other Participants in this crossover blog are:

http://ateasetees.wordpress.com/

http://getyergoat-goatgifts.blogspot.com

http://www.nanwrightart.com

http://randomshirts.blogspot.com/

http://skeetzteez.blogspot.com/

http://idesignbrian.wordpress.com/

http://www.shopkeeperdesigns.com

http://autismshowucare.blogspot.com

http://www.gocamelphotos.blogspot.com/

http://einselgaenger.blogspot.com/

http://beflip.blogspot.com/

Read this. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

The Twelve Days of Christmas Specials

I haven't gone the way of Top 10 Lists of Whatever on this blog because I think it is way overdone. I don't know what makes those people who do post such lists an authority on the subject-- including even the "professional" critics who claim to be an authority so they can make a living from their lists of the best or worst, giving something a certain number of stars or a thumbs-up or or thumbs-down. I figure that I have been around for a pretty long time now, seen enough movies multiple times to make a fair judgement to give my opinion about them and have this blog as my vehicle to deliver my message. Besides, I couldn't think of anything else to write about.

Let me go over the ground rules. I only included Christmas movies and made-for-television programs in my list. Films that were set during the holidays but did not focus on Christmas were not included. This eliminated some decent flicks including Edward Scissorhands, Trading Places, Gremlins, Die Hard and Planes, Trains and Automobiles not to mention Home Alone, which was a huge hit but wouldn't be on my list anyway. 

It is a shame that I am not going to include any Music or Variety Specials on my list either because the Saturday Night Live skit featuring Alec Baldwin as Pete Schweddy and his Holiday Schweddy Balls would be near the top.  We'll have to save it for another list or two in the future.

Oh, and one more thing-- all of these specials have been on TV and are scheduled to be featured on TV this holiday season. If you would like details of when to catch your favorite Christmas Special, there is a pretty comprehensive list available on Wikipedia.

So without further ado, here is my list of the Top Twelve Christmas Specials:

12. Polar Express (2004)- Although the story's message is about how the wonder of life never fades for those who believe and the imagery of the train trip to the North Pole is remarkable, there were many parts of this film that reminded me of a nightmare-- dark and spooky. The computer generated animation techniques developed for this production are innovative, even by today's standards, and the way the digital characters movement and emotions are driven by real actors, mainly Tom Hanks, is pretty amazing in itself.

11. A Christmas Carol (1951)- Talk about Spooky? There are several dozen film adaptations of Charles Dickens' novel including everything from musicals to Muppets but the black-and-white English production with Alastair Sim playing Ebeneezer Scrooge is considered the definitive movie version. We pulled off a much smaller scaled translation for the CYC Christmas show in High School that wasn't too, too bad. I played Bob Cratchit and my sister was Tiny Tim because, if I remember correctly, she was on crutches at the time for a real injury. Brian Leriche beat me out of the part of Scrooge but he did a great job.

10. Scrooged (1988)- Based on the same story but different enough to earn it's own spot on the list. Bill Murray is Frank cross, the wealthy, cold-hearted TV executive Scrooge-like character in this modern-day edition. It delivers the same feel-good message, but the ghosts are not as scary as in the original and, although it's no Caddyshack, it's still pretty funny, so it settles one place higher on my list.

9. Santa Claus is Coming to Town (1970)- This is one of my earliest Christmas memories-- watching this claymation classic on our plaid vinyl couch in our new 70s add-on family room. This special was way before it's time as it took the format of a psychedelic, Behind the Music 25-years before VH-1... if Santa was in a band. Love the story... hate the song. Why do grown musicians still try to record this thing?

8. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)- Were all the kids-film-makers from the 60s and 70s on dope? All of the fine Dr. Seuss' stuff seems that way. Boris Karloff as the narrator gives this show a tone that no other voice man could ever pull off. You want to do something crazy? Wait until the hottest day of the year and pop this DVD in. I bet you shiver before you reach the halfway mark.

What? What's that you say? Jim Carrey who? Message to all directors and producers in Hollywood. Stop trying to re-make Dr. Suess movies!

7. Miracle on 34th Street (1947, 1994)- Unlike with A Christmas Carol, I am going to list both versions of this film together because they are basically the same but they have some merit of their own. The original, starring Maureen O'Hara, Edmund Gwenn and Natalie Wood was awarded three Oscars and the latter, with Elizabeth Perkins, Richard Attenborrough and Mara Wilson was just as charming. Out of all the feel-goods on my list, this is the one that oozes the most Christmas cheer.

6. The Year Without A Santa Claus (1974)- The second Rankin/Bass production on my list could have just about a dozen other similar animated specials including Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer or a Very Brady Christmas except for four-words that put this one over the top... I'm Mister Heat Miser...

OK, It's been easy up to this point but, to tell you the truth, I am having a hard time with the top five as any one of them could have been number one. Who decided that I should do this, anyway?

5. A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)- What can I really say about this holiday standard? If The Polar Express is on the top of the technical effects pile Charlie Brown Christmas would be buried deep on the bottom. The first Peanuts program to make it to TV was done on a shoestring budget which resulted in a primitive, choppy animation style, poor sound quality and editing blunders but it has aired, unchanged, annually, every year since and, more recently several times a year. The first airing was a critical and commercial hit with half of all the TVs in the nation tuned in and it was honored with both an Emmy and Peabody award. The season was not quite complete for me as a kid until we plopped down in front of the tube to watch the Dolly Madison sponsored classic with the smooth jazz composition of Vince Guaraldi and Linus' reading of the Gospel of Luke 2:8-14 exclaiming the true meaning of Christmas to the gang.

4. A Christmas Story (1983)- This film makes it to number one on a lot of the lists that I have seen but, maybe because of overexposure, can only top out at four on my list. The low-budget flick, set in 1940 in a fictional Indiana town, follows nine-year-old Ralphie Parker and his family on his quest for the one thing he wants for Christmas-- an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle BB gun. Although it takes you back to a simpler time when Dad was "the Old Man", having your mouth washed out with soap and no red-blooded American Boy would turn down a Double-Dirty-Dog-Dare, it is really timeless in that I could relate to many of the characters and situations in the plot and multiple sub-plots. Overall a really fun and enjoyable way to spend 94-minutes during the holidays. I like to catch it as I help Santa assemble all the gifts during the 24-hour marathon on TNT.

3. It's A Wonderful Life (1946)- From a film set in the 40s to one that was made then. Frank Cappra's masterpiece based on the short story, The Greatest Gift, takes place in a fictional town called Bedford Falls shortly after WWII and features Jimmy Stewart as George Bailey, a man who is about to commit suicide when he is visited by his guardian angel, Clarence, shows him what the town, and all the people in it would be like without him. Feel-good, almost to the point of sappy, the film, because of production expense and competition at the box office, was originally considered a flop. It was nominated for five Academy Awards but won none, however it has been named as The American Film Institute's List of Top 100 movies at number 11 and AFI's List of Top 100 Inspirational Movies at number 1, as well as many other honors over the last 60-years. If you haven't seen any movies on the list, this is the one to rent this month.

2. Elf (2003)- I know! I didn't think that I could include this one but it cleared the ground rules. Then I thought I shouldn't include it because it was your traditional "classic" Christmas flick, but I think it is quickly becoming one. My wife and I happened to see this movie on opening night and, even with a broken nose that I got when she tried to pull a quick move and get her arm around me for some PDA and a sore neck because we arrived late and had to sit in the front row, we had the best time with this fun little film. Will Ferrell can make almost anything he does fun but his over-the-top, child-like, clumsy comedy is perfect for the part of Buddy-- the human raised by Santa's elves who travels from the North Pole, through the candy cane forest... to New York to find his Dad and gets into all kinds of hilarious mischief. All-in-all just good clean fun! Anyone that sincerely cannot say they had a good time watching this, must be a Cotton-Headed Ninny-Muggin!

1. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)- Second best in the vacation series and this is no Caddyshack either, but still enough to pull off the top spot on my list. Chevy Chase, as Clark, and the rest of the Griswald clan hit way to close to home when they explore the best and worst part of the holiday season-- the family gathering. Although there are better feel-gooders on the list, bigger productions on the list and funnier scripts on the list, Christmas Vacation is a good mix of all of all of those things and everyone can relate with the situations that come up when we celebrate with loved ones.

That's my list of The Twelve Days of Christmas Specials. We'll have to review again next year because I'm sure it will change by then. In the mean time... Merry Christmas. Read this. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

15-Minutes of Fame

In Entertainment News from Reality TV World:

Paula Goodspeed, a 30-year-old former American Idol auditioneer and Paula Abdul fan, was found dead in her car nearby the Entertainer's house on Tuesday evening. According to the LAPD, the death was an apparent suicide caused by a drug overdose.

Goodspeed had been featured during one of American Idol's fifth-season tryout shows. Her audition was expanded into a featurette that ran nearly four minutes and portrayed her obsession with Abdul during an interview with host Ryan Seacrest.

Forget, for a moment, of how producers of the show went about exploiting this poor, obviously mentally ill (or, at the very least, unstable) young lady and thousands of other individuals, and tell me how, even if they are somewhat deranged or delusional, these kids with absolutely no vocal talent, either believe that they will not humiliate themselves or realize it and allow it to happen for a few moments in the national spotlight?

There are three types of people that try out for a show like this. Some have real talent and they usually know it. If they are lucky enough and things go their way, these are the ones featured, prominantly, in the final 20 or so. For every one of those 20, however, I bet there are 20 more with just as much talent that didn't audition or did and didn't make it that far for one reason or another.

The next group of makes up probably 90% of the individuals that audition. They are people like me 20-years ago. Some have training or experience singing in a band or in the choir at church. Others have fantastic voices but are lacking the training or experience. Generally, though, they all have some talent, can find a key and have enough balls to get out there and try. 

Although, I'm sure, this is the biggest group, I'm sure you see less of these people on TV than any of the others because they are, frankly, the least interesting to watch. You may see a few of them if they happen to have a gimmick, a personality or the right look and some will even get a ticket to Hollywood but, for the most part, the kids you're going to see on TV are the ones from the first group and the last one.

The auditioneers in the last group may have a gimmick or an interesting personality or look, in fact, many of them excel in these areas but they are missing a valuable trait that would prevent them from becoming your next American Idol... talent. I still think a few of them realize that they have no reason being there and just hope to be eccentric enough to have their 15-minutes of fame but so many of them seem so sincere that they would have to be the best actors in the world to play the part of a pathetic loony through the entire show.

There is no doubt that the producers of the show have some part in making the viewer see (and therefore believe) whatever they want them to just by, simply, editing out whatever they want but, like everything else in today's society, we want the drama and the tragedy. Similarly to the way we all slow down and try to get a glimpse of the automobile accident on the other side of the highway, the average American would rather watch the freaks trying to sing in the auditions the first few weeks of the series than see the final seven contestants' interpretations of Barry Manilow tunes from the decade that they were born.

I guess the formula works, though, because so many people are glued to the tube for all of the Reality Shows that fill up the prime time airwaves. The viewers get what they want, the makers of the shows are making money and the contestants... well what about the contestants? The winners have to appreciate all the hard work they put in as championship money on these shows start in the six-digit range and most are paying seven-digits to, at least, the champions of a season-long contest.

I don't here many complaints about the way losers were treated, either because, most of the time, they get what they are looking for too-- their 15-minutes. Some, like William Hung, in exchange for a little national humiliation get a bit more time and some can drag enough out of it to make a few bucks. There are some members of the early Real World episodes that have been cashing in on Reunion Shows and Follow-up Challenges for more than 15-years.

Maybe we can blame the whole politically-correct, everybody-gets-a-trophy, sense-of-entitlement, society that Paula Goodspeed was never told that she didn't have what it takes to be the next American Idol-- or maybe she knew and that really wasn't her goal. A posting on her MySpace page yesterday stated, "Rest in peace, the world knows your name."

That's a pretty big price to pay for your 15-minutes of fame...

Read this. Buy T-shirts. Peace. 

Who's the fat guy talking to Mark?

A good friend posted some pictures of our visit to the pumpkin patch on Facebook. I was going through them looking for shots of my Son in the vast sea of children (most of them hers), not recognizing anyone until I caught a glimpse of her husband in the crowd. My first thought was, "Who's the fat guy talking to Mark?" but on closer inspection I realized it was me... I thought he looked familiar!

I made the mistake of standing, nakee, in front of the mirror on Friday. At home I know where the full-lengths are strategically located and I make it a habit not to get caught in front of one, but we stayed in a hotel this weekend and I wasn't paying attention. I woke up from an afternoon nap and dropped my clothes on the floor before darting into the bathroom for a shower and spun right into a full-frontal. I think it would be safe for me to say that you can ask anyone that knows me and they would say I am anything but vane, however, this was not a pretty sight.

What I saw made me disgusted to think that, not a year earlier, I stood in front of a mirror looking at a body that was mostly crippled on one side, promising myself that, if I regained my strength and coordination, I was not going to fall back into the bad habits that allowed me to get out of shape. I, honestly, don't know what happened. Although, I haven't been a fitness fanatic, I am still eating ten times better than I was before the stroke and working out more often also, yet I have gained more weight in the last 12 months than I have in any period in my life.

I have cut the salt, the fat, and the carbs and, as a result (and with the added help of some really good meds) I have brought down my blood-pressure and my cholesterol to acceptable levels but even with the additional exercise, I am still not losing-- and sometimes even gaining, pounds. My first thought was that the medications could be contributing to my difficulties, but nothing I have read would lead me to believe that any of them would cause a problem.

I tried to blame some of the weight on sympathy gain because my wife is pregnant with our second child. I could believe that was the problem until my sympathy gain exceeded her actual weight gain and M3S exclaimed that Dada was going to have a big baby when he understood that Mama's belly was getting big because it had a baby growing in it.

I know that some people pack on the poundage when they quit smoking but I would have a very hard time using this as an excuse considering I quit overnight with the only ill-effect being that I was tired all of the time. I continued to lose weight for the first three or four months afterward so I don't think the delayed nicotine withdrawal argument is going to fly.

My wife tends to think that it is all because of my age. 43 is not what I would consider old now, though, 25-30 years ago I certainly would. If I can't use my lost youth as a legitimate explanation for the stroke-- I can't use it for a good reason to be lazy and out of shape either.

During my rehabilitation, I fell into some excellent habits. I took my diet and exercise to the extreme-- partly because I was scared to death of dying, but mostly because I wanted to be sure to get a good head-start because it would be hard to keep up that pace and not start slacking. That slacking, however, came back way too quickly once I got back to a semi-normal routine. I went from being bored and looking for things to do with all of the free time I had to being worn-out all the time when I went back to work. In addition, sitting at a desk all day isn't very healthy either-- at least with my nicotine habit, I would get up to go to the smoking area four times a day.

I have always enjoyed working out earlier rather than later and, from what I've heard, this is much better for burning calories. I find it extremely hard to get myself motivated to go to the gym after work-- or even worse, after dinner. There is a group of people at work though that actually workout before they come in but I could just never see myself getting up before the Sun, dragging my butt out of bed, into the car and up to the YMCA, when I could do something much more sensible and enjoyable, like... sleep!

This was before the incident with the mirror, though, and my knee-jerk, paranoia, hypochondriac reaction to get up early the next morning, drag my sorry butt out of bed, down the stairs (instead of the elevator) and into the hotel "fitness center"-- two treadmills and a stationary bike. They weren't the best facilities but I got in an almost 50-minute session before MLW and M3S came down looking for breakfast and the other key to the room.

Later in the afternoon, I commented how it felt good-- mentally and, surprisingly, physically-- to get up and get in that workout early in the morning... and while on vacation to boot. My wife suggested that I should try it when we get home, and reminded me that I usually get up to load our Son in the car for her at 5:30 anyway. I never thought of it like that.

So, this morning, I gave it a shot. MLW, gently, woke me at 5:30 so I could carry 38 pounds of dead weight 50-feet to the garage and load M3S into his car seat and then I dragged my sorry butt into the car and to the Y. I got in a 5-minute warm-up and stretch, 18-minutes on the treadmill, a quick upper-body circuit and 16-minutes on the elliptical machine. I still had time to take a nice hot shower and stop back by the house to pick up a few things that I forgot before I was off to work.

I don't know how I will hold up the rest of the day. It is only lunch time now but I am already feeling a little tired. I hope that I will soon pick up a second wind, though, because I am committed to giving this a shot, at least, through the end of the week. I'm sure it will get easier if I get used to it.

Besides, I weighed in while I was at the YMCA and I'm a little embarrassed to say that I tipped the scales at 191. I'm embarrassed but still willing to post my weight here as well as my goal of 182 by December 31 and 175 by February 19 to better hold myself accountable. There is not a lot of people that are reading this blog but, probably, enough to get on my case if I start slacking again.

I will give periodic updates on my progress in the upcoming weeks. Until then... Read This. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

What did the Headless Horseman say to Frankenstein?

I guess I was probably like most kids when I say Halloween was one of my favorite holidays-- and why wouldn't it be? You get to dress up in cool costumes, get a bunch of candy, you don't have to visit relatives house that smell funny (the houses, not the relatives) or church and you are, basically, expected to run all over the neighborhood causing havoc. Times, certainly, have changed in the last 30-some-odd years since I last went trick-or-treating. Gone are the days of dads taking the kids in their homemade outfits door-to-door, where they would be asked to tell a joke or sing a song by the friendly neighbor before receiving a generous reward of sweets while the moms waited at home and handed out candy to all the other children coming to their house.

Changes in the social environment and the society's decline in common values make some of the differences between 2008 and, say, 1979 obvious but I don't think they should make that much of a impact on our decision to deprive our children of the fun, Halloween traditions we enjoyed as kids. I still, to this day, have many fond memories of the Autumn holiday from my childhood but it seems that, as I have grown up, Halloween has become more of a matter for adults to be concerned with all of the rules and restrictions put on everyone.

Having a paranoid, over-anxious, very protective parent we had rules that we had to follow went we went out but nothing like they have today. We were told that we could only visit houses of the neighbors my folks knew so there were maybe two or three houses per block that we had to skip. This was to prevent us from walking up to a situation with a kid-napper or other predator that would hurt us, though I really didn't understand the point because my Dad was waiting for us at the street and wouldn't let us get into any trouble.

Today, communities are passing legislation that requires registered sexual offenders to leave off all the outside lights and post signs stating that there is no candy here. I support this initiative, although I don't believe that there is that many more perverts living in today's society than there was in our day, only that we are more aware of them because of the media and the noble efforts of law enforcement. I still think that my mother's rule about knowing your neighbors, however, is a good one but that could be difficult to do now because parents, in most neighborhoods don't know nearly as many people as ours did.

Parent's are not involved as much, altogether, as they used to be. Mine made all of our costumes every year until we were old enough to make our own. Made is the key word here. Kmart had a few cheap costumes (mainly a hard plastic mask with a elastic string and an apron-like thing that tied in the back) but there were not Halloween dedicated stores that popped-up in vacant strip mall spaces the week after Labor Day. 

There were no fancy, expensive, store-bought, fire-resistant, safety-tested outfits for us-- or most of the other kids at that time either. One of the earliest of years I can remember, I was a Christmas tree and my siblings were presents. Another Halloween I was Oscar the Grouch-- made from an old green rug and a plastic trash can with the bottom cut out. I did a couple of years as a headless horseman and a few others as an old stand-by: vampire, mummy, clown, ghost or hobo-- complete with burnt cork beard.

They were not the best disguises but we had fun and learned a lot by building them with our folks. They weren't fire-proof, in fact, many of them were fire hazards and they were not engineered while keeping in mind that we would be traveling from house-to-house on dark streets so I'm surprised that there weren't more serious accidents as we often couldn't either walk or see well. Bad weather meant that we wore turtlenecks and long-johns underneath the costume or clear plastic bags on top of them which really made my brother mad one year because everyone thought he was a cat when they couldn't see his bat wings.

We started making our own costumes by the time we were 11-12 or so. Most of those were things that we thought were cool which, apparently, was Saturday Night Live at the time because I remember dressing as a wild and crazy guy, King Tut and the Blues Brothers. One of our neatest, though was the Conehead outfits we made by cutting a Nerf football in half and putting it over our head with leg of my Mom's nylons. We went out to Trick-or-Treat-- or at least said we were doing that when we were actually out starting trouble-- every year until we were old enough to drive and went to work in the neighborhood Haunted House. We had at least one parent with us until we were 13. That was the age when you were allowed to go it alone but there were still enough adults that we knew on the streets that we couldn't really get away with that much.

There are municipalities in our area that are limiting Trick-or-Treating to children of certain ages and between certain hours. Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about these restrictions. On one hand, I have answered the door at a time that I thought was a little late even for Halloween to a masked bunch of juveniles six-inches taller and 100-pounds heavier than me silently holding their bag out and thought that scene eerily reminded me of a bank hold-up and wondering if they did say anything if the voice would be more baritone than mine and they would be saying Trick-or-Treat or Stick 'em up. Either way I'm handing over enough candy to surely satisfy the young lady and getting the deadbolt back engaged as quickly as possible.

On the other hand, I think the age that they did set (12 I think in this case) was a little young and really leaves nothing for the younger teens to do but sneak out of the house after 9:00, soap our car windows, tepee our trees and hurl the jack-o-lantern that we worked so hard on into the street. Besides, how are the cops going to enforce this policy anyway? Do the children need to bring two forms of identification and pass-through barricaded roadblocks strategically placed in front of the houses handing out mini-Snickers bars? I would think that the boys in blue would have something better to do and I think we are missing an opportunity to encourage parents to get more involved with their kids' activities instead of just letting the man deal with it.

As an adult and an artist, I got into Halloween for a while. In college I made a great costume for me and G-money that we took on the contest circuit and won some prizes. We were each a giant roll of toilet paper and we had a big air-brushed replica Charmin wrapper that went around the two of us. We did that for a few years and then lost it somewhere. Other years I got a lot of use out of monk, priest and Chippendale outfits and hooked up with friends to do the Village People and Scooby Doo and friends (I was Freddy Jones). I won a contest as Ozzy Ozborne the year after his show premiered on MTV and dressed as Tanya Harding, complete with lead pipe and Rollerblades when she was in the news, but didn't really care for the drag thing (unlike Cox, who seemed to be wearing a wig, lipstick and fake boobs every year). My favorite adult costume, though, would have to be the Hanson Brothers-- it's fairly simple, a little obscure yet most people know who they are and I get to where my blades again.

I have lost some interest in Halloween in recent years. We used to go to parties but they seem to be more about the party and less about the holiday now. The outfits that adults are wearing are all about shock value instead of creativity and that has taken some of the fun out of it. Since I now have M3S, I want to make the focus on him and make it fun again. 

MLW and I have talked about what we are going to do Friday night. Our neighborhood is full of old folks so it is not a good place to go out. By the time I get home from work it will be almost six and, even though daylight savings time is still going on, it will be getting dark and the kids will be heading out. This makes it hard to get out and go anywhere good and since MLW has to work early Saturday morning, we don't want to be out too late either. It may sound horrible but we were almost hoping for rain so we can Trick-or-Treat at the mall but the weather is supposed to be beautiful.

I think it is time to suck it up, put my money where my mouth is, quit trying to make excuses and do exactly what M3S wants to do... eat a taco and watch his TV. I guess we can save worrying about Trick-or-Treating until next year. Maybe then he can remember-- and understand, the punchline to his Halloween riddle...

Bolts! Why didn't I think of that?

Happy Halloweenie! Read this. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

Drive Time

My morning drive to work takes me 23-minutes and 52-seconds on a good day. Considering, however, that there are almost no good days, I'm lucky to make the trip in less than a half-hour or 45-minutes most of the time. I have become wiser in my old age and have just come to accept that there is nothing I can do to reduce the amount of time that I spend on the road and I must try to make the most of the situation.

I take advantage of the opportunity to prepare, mentally, for the day ahead of me. I want to be sure to not be distracted when driving but, because there is less driving and more crawling, very slowly along the highway, I can get away with some minor brain-activity like practicing a speech, memorizing multiplication tables or analyzing the previous night's reality show episode and trying to handicap the odds of each contestant being eliminated off the island, dance floor or stage the next week. On days when the sun is out or when it is raining I can catch up on some reading or get in a game of Texas Hold 'em on my cel phone. If I am lucky enough that there is a fender-bender going the other way, I actually have enough time to do some laps around adjacent cars or take a quick nap before a fellow commuter notices I have dozed off and politely reminds me what we are here for with a friendly toot of his or her horn.

All kidding aside, as seen in yesterday's post, I'm an Excellent Driver, I am a big proponent of eliminating the distractions we all face while trying to operate a motor vehicle. I am also a believer that, although cel phones have received most of the attention, something as simple as glancing away to change the radio station or adjust the climate controls can be distracting enough to cause an accident. 

I am fortunate, though, to own a 2006 Toyota Prius that, for safety's sake more than comfort, has most controls for every system in the car, literally, right at your fingertips. Besides the usual turn signals, lights, windshield wipers and cruise control levers mounted on the steering column, the automakers embedded controls for the heater/air conditioner and, most importantly, the audio system, right on the steering wheel. With the additional features of a LED instrument panel on top of the dashboard, up at the windshield instead of lower on the dash, I rarely have to take my eyes off of front and center, much less, my hands off the wheel.

The radio in the car is important to me because I think I would be more distracted by it not being there. Let me try to explain... when I am by myself, without some kind to mental stimulation, my mind starts to wander. Having a creative imagination, this isn't usually a concern unless, of course, I start to wander into a thought that makes me anxious because, no matter how ridiculous the concept may sound, if my anxiety takes over, it very quickly becomes real to me and I start obsessing about all the negative possibilities until I become overwhelmed with what is going on in my mind and forget about everything else that is going on around me.

So... I listen to the stereo when I drive to work. I often listen to one of three AM talk stations-- one news, one sports and one variety. I'm not sure if my reasons for doing so are because it is just a natural instinct thing that one starts listening to talk radio when they start getting old or if it is a security thing that I know what I am going to get when I listen to these stations: news- mostly bad in this day and age, but they try (mostly unsuccessfully) to put a positive spin on things; sports- mostly bad in this town, but they try (mostly unsuccessfully) to be funny and entertaining; and variety- is a little less predictable depending on the guest and subject of the day could be anything from gossip or fortunetellers to current events and interviews with entertainers or political leaders.

You would think that music stations would be a little more predictable, but I have found that is not the case-- especially during morning drive time. I have a total of 12-pre-set stations that I have programmed on the car stereo. Because I like a very wide variety of music, so I basically have each of those pre-sets on a different genre station-- classic rock, pop, easy listening, R&B, jazz, etc. I even have Christian music and Hip Hop stations programmed in for when MLW is in the car and the Disney Station set for when M3S is with me.

Monday morning, for a change of pace, I felt like listening to one of the twelve music stations instead of the three talk stations, mainly because even the sports guys were discussing the upcoming presidential election. I have heard about enough discussion of our two candidates to last until the 2016 campaign that I would be willing, at this point, to commit my vote to the guy that promises to pull all of the negative advertisements, honestly give their position on the real issues and then shut their trap. But I digress...

In the first 2o-minutes of my commute, I was surprised to find nothing worth listening to. An almost constant cycle through eleven (I just couldn't bring myself to try the Hip-Hop that early in the morning) music channels and I could find no music! I would have even resorted to Worship music or gospel hymns on my wife's or the Jonas Brothers on the kid's favorites, but even they were broadcasting talk-- or should I say static and talk (neither has a very strong signal). Some of the others run big production, syndicated, super-crazy morning shows that you expect a lot of teams of hosts and their wild shenanigans, but a just couldn't believe that no one was playing any thing close to music for such a long period of time.

Granted that I was flipping through all of those channels and about three-quarters of the way through my trip I was frustrated enough to try the scan button to see if I could find anything anywhere else (nothing but the end of a classical tune and something that I think was a Hindu love song) so I could have missed a very, very short song, but it would have had to be timed just perfectly-- nothing else but politics, commercials and political commercials. 

Oh... and Christmas music, of all things! There is a station in this town that has gone to all Holiday music... in October. I expect they will continue with that format through December but, if they are doing it now, they might as well play it all year long!

I was about to give up because it had been a good traffic day and I was almost to work when I came upon the sweet sound of a ringing acoustic guitar chord. It only took a few seconds to recognize the harmonized vocals of Extreme with their 1990 chart-topping hit "No More Words"-- I love that song!

As I pulled into my parking spot on the side of the building, the rock ballad was coming to it's end. I sat there for a few seconds to soak in the last little bit and see if the station would follow that classic with another cool tune. Imagine my astonishment when they went with... an Extreme Two-for! Hole Hearted! Sweet! The only thing that was going to beat that on a Monday A.M. is to get to hear some other obscure one-or-two-hit wonder like Nelson or Zebra!

My morning had gone from worst-to-first and now I could go in and start my work day with a song in my head and a smile on my face. After all of that searching and searching, I stumbled onto a little piece of heaven right here on... the Oldies station? There must be some mistake! If music on the charts when I was old enough to vote is being played on the Oldies Station-- there can be no doubt that I am definitely getting old.

Don't get old. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

I'm an Excellent Driver

Does everyone think to themselves, "I'm an excellent driver?" And if they do, do you think they say it in a voice like Dustin Hoffman in Rainman?  

I've been behind the wheel for 25 years now (for what I figured out to be about 550,000 miles) and I tend to believe I one of the best drivers I have met. If you ask MLW, however, she would say that I drive too fast and aggressively and, I guess, the couple of accidents I have had and several-- okay, more than several-- tickets I have gotten, would go far to back her claim.

I still believe, however, though I may be lacking the patience to score a perfect 100 on my driving test again (written and roadway), my experience and skills are far better than your average individual on the road today. I am not, by any means, trying to instruct anyone how to safely and lawfully operate a motor vehicle, but I will offer up these friendly driving tips that I have picked-up over the years to help you avoid being cursed at by other drivers:

• Wear sunglasses- I don't mean you should need a pair of fancy Blueblockers or anything. We are not, after all, concern about the health and welfare of your eyes, we just want you to stop squinting and traveling along at a snail's pace. You can still get a pair of cheap sunglasses at the Dollar Store-- and yes... they are only a dollar. This will shield your eyes enough to pick up the pace a little bit without worrying too much about rear-ending the moron in front of you without sunglasses. Note: When the traffic guy on the radio says your driving into the Sun, he doesn't mean your going to drive into the Sun!
• Use your visor- Similar to the sunglasses, but you don't even have to go out and buy these separately. Most, if not all, cars made in the world after 1963 are equipped with sun visors in both the driver and passenger positions. Other "useful" accessories including mirrors, lights and pockets to hold various other things that you don't need in a car, are sometimes added-on to the visors, but the primary intent of these devices is to shade your eyes from the Sun so you can use both hands to do more important things while you drive-- like driving.
• Use your blinkers- Does anybody call them directional signals? They're just blinkers, right? Before this invention, sometime before I was born, drivers had to stick their arms out the window and point which way they were going. Pretty silly, huh? Mainly for safety's sake, automakers came up with the bright idea to put a lever on the steering wheel that would flash lights on the car to inform other drivers that you are about to cut them off or "you might want to go around me because I'm trying to make a left onto this busy street and I might be here a while because I can't find a place to squeeze my giant, gas-guzzling minivan in". All it takes is a flick of the pinky but I'm amazed at the number of drivers that are not courteous enough to use the signal.
• Use of Turn Lanes- Best traffic discovery in the last twenty years-- the "odd" turn lane. You know, if you have a four-lane road (two in each direction) they add that fifth, middle lane to allow cars making a left to get out of the main flow of traffic. Whatever engineer first came up with this idea was brilliant! Dull individuals, however, that use the lane to make the left turn onto the road and then sit there until they are able to merge in, spoil the whole concept by blocking the lane and screwing up traffic in both directions.
• Drive in the correct lane- While we are on the subject of lane changes... we were on the subject of lane changes, right? I have to be careful with this one because this is where my natural, male aggression shows it's ugly head. There are so many cars on the road now that it is hard to find a two-laner anywhere. Almost all highways (or bi-ways or freeways or interstates or whatever you call them in your part of the world) have, at least three lanes in each direction. I was taught in tenth-grade DE class that each lane on a multi-lane road, had a specific purpose-- the right lane was for entering and exiting the highway; the left lane was for passing; and the middle lane was for regular through travel. It has been a long time and with budget cuts and liability issues most school districts have eliminated Driver Education programs but, it seems to me, that no one is following these guidelines anymore. It seems simple enough: enter the freeway and move to the middle lane until you come to a car moving slower than you, at which time you move one lane left, pass the car and move back to the middle lane. What is so hard about that? A lot of highways I travel on have four or five lanes in each direction which should make it easier and more uniform but, in reality, it just turns into a free-for-all with the faster drivers weaving in-and-out of the slower ones. Someone is going to get hurt.
• Limit distractions- This is hard and I, sometimes, have trouble with it. Cel phones are a great tool to have but they are one of the biggest causes of traffic problems on the road and studies show that people using them cause more accidents. How many times have you seen a person on their phone distracted enough to have trouble steering or controlling their speed? Believe it or not, if you are trying to talk on the phone and drive at the same time, it is very probable that you are doing the same. Although, cellular phones get most of the press there are many other things that can cause distractions too. Limit eating, shaving, sightseeing, smoking, putting on make-up, doing your hair, scolding the children, changing the radio station, looking for something, talking with passengers or anything else that may distract you from driving and... drive.
• If you can't drive well... don't drive- This may be the most important thing to keep in mind, but is probably the hardest problem to correct. There are many reasons why an individual would not have the ability to drive well. There is so much discussion about the ability of the elderly and young people to drive that many states are considering legislation to restrict, limit or require addition testing for these drivers. In addition to the obvious person under the influence of drugs or alcohol, we must also look at other conditions like being sleepy or displaying road rage that impact a driver's abilities. The condition that is often overlooked that can be a major factor in a person's ability to drive is fear. My niece shouldn't have been driving for the first five years that she had her license. She was afraid to drive because she thought that she wasn't good at it-- she wasn't really that bad, but her fear overcame her and made her a poor driver. I don't know how many times I have seen a driver on one of those long, flyway, overpasses that take you up, over, and around the congestion of two intersecting super-highways, creeping along the wide, walled, reinforced roadway like one wrong move would have them plummeting off the face of the earth. You've got to respect the road but you can't be afraid of it. 

Once again, I meant this post to go another way and I am running short on time so I will have to get back to the subject another time. Until then... drive safe... and buy T-shirts... or license plate frames. Peace.

What's in Your Name: 2

I have written about names and naming children a couple of times since starting to blog so I won't go into too much depth on the subject today. Because I don't think that we can get out of deciding on a name before we are issued a birth certificate, however, it is probably a good idea to start the grueling task of choosing a name for our Son, now that we know it will be a son. It seems a little unfair that the name we pick in the next 18-weeks will be the one he will be stuck with for his whole life.

I haven't really used the polling feature on this blog to this point, but I think this will be a good opportunity to try it out. I have included our "short list" of names-- some suggested by MLW, M3S or myself and some I am not sure where they came from. You may vote for more than one name in the poll, but you can only vote once... so make it count.

If you would like more background information on what to consider when making your choice, read What's in Your Name? Please keep in mind that we, being the child's parents, are in no way obligated to name our Son the winning name in the poll. After all, some of the names suggested by M3S are cartoon characters and some of them I came up with... and I am not good at this.

Your comments are welcomed but be nice as to not hurt anyones' feelings, huh?

Thanks and buy T-shirts. Peace.

Monday Morning Quarterback 1.07

I was just too darn busy last week to get to the Let's Roll article where I usually post the numbers from the previous week. Sales at SkeetzTeez have been sluggish, to say the least, but from what I gather, with the economy the way it has been, I should be lucky to see any kind of traffic.

Top five keywords that resulted in visits to SkeetzTeez or SkeetzTeez Blog:

5. favre

4. jorts

3. urban cougars

2. cubs

1. suck for a buck

Top five designs sold at SkeetzTeez

5. Suck It Trebeck

4. Sweet Sixteen

3. McCain/Palin (McMaverick/Sarahcuda)

2. Slapshot- Charlestown Chiefs

1. Big Brother (Sister)

Here's my notes for the week:

• Too bad the Cubs Fans Wear Jorts T-shirts didn't catch on any quicker. They were bounced so quickly from the payoffs that no one had time to hate them. Oh well-- there's always next year.

• The Urban Cougar lens is getting so much traffic that it past my foundational lens SkeetzTeez in the Squidoo rankings. It is mostly perverts looking for porn but the site is rated G (but may lean towards PG).

• Hey-- the Rams didn't lose this week! I wish our fantasy league would have buys so we could say the same.

• October 2- First sighting of this year's Christmas stuff at the stores (Walgreen's).

• I actually cleared $1.35 from my Squidoo lenses in August-- after contributing to my charity, StrokeNet! I didn't realize I was doing anything to make a dime!

• Now that the economic bailout package has been passed, let's get things fixed with the market and such. It's hard to get anything done with the whole nation in a panic.

• Isn't it bazaar how all QTs are almost exactly alike? From the pattern of taquitos on the little rolly things to the general appearance of the uptight clerks trying not to look uptight is all spookily the same. I sometimes forget which location we are at when I come out from one of the 8-10 weekly trips and have to check the GPS before we get on our way.

• QT does have the best beverages available and the bathrooms are fairly, acceptably clean and easy to find (very important when M3S decides that he does have to go potty even though he was sure that he didn't have to the 17 times I asked him in the half-hour prior to leaving his Mimi's house.)

• Along with thinking about names, I never thought I would be so concerned about poop in my adult life either-- and nobody wants to hear about it so I will stop there. Except...

• Funny: Schwa said he had a poop like sand. (I don't know how that can be so hilarious to me and, at the same time, scar MLW for life.)

• I'm a little worried about my brother. He's turning 40 this week and I'm not sure, but it seems like it is affecting him more than it did the other guys. I sent him a Dr. Porkenheimer's Bonerjuice T-shirt from the shop. I hope it cheers him up! Happy Birthday C-Bear!

Hope everyone has a good week. I am still real busy but plan on having several blog entries after my weekend with my best buddy, including a story on Why I like Mondays, my thoughts on another birthday coming up and the ultrasound where we find out the gender of the baby next week. Buy T-shirts. Peace.