Monday Morning Quarterback 1.17

Although I spend about three-times as much time on the other articles, these quickie little Monday Morning Quarterback postings are getting all of the attention. The 17 collections of thoughts that I usually throw together during my Monday lunch hour have had more readers than the other 70 stories collectively, that sometimes take me many hours over several days to complete. This doesn't bother me because I enjoy either one as much as I do the other and I have learned, over the years, that a client (or your boss,or the public, or any end-user) doesn't care how much time you put into something. They are only concerned with the end product and if they like it or not. In fact, I will put as much effort into a project as is needed, but I usually start with a "less is more" philosophy because if the end product is the same no matter how much  you put into it you might as well save that extra energy.

Note to all you men out there however: you can throw this whole concept out the window if your wife is the person making the request. Here are my notes from the week:

• Being from St. Louis and a Rams season ticket holder, I have seen a lot of mixed emotions in this town about the Superbowl this year. Most people love Kurt Warner on one hand and, I think, most dislike the Cardinals and their ownership on the other. Either way, it is really a great story and, I hope, it will be a great game.

• A couple of times, while hearing reports on the plane crash landing in the Hudson River last week, I heard correspondents corrected when they said Canadian Geese. Apparently, the proper name of the bird is Canada Geese. I'm not sure if it was the Canadians or the geese, but one of the groups was upset (I guess they didn't want to be blamed for bringing down that plane) and was sure to make a point of it.

• In similar news, in order to be certain to not accuse any other countries of involvement in accidents with non-resident subjects, we will refer to so-called subjects in the non-possessive vernacular. For instance: France Toast, Germany Potato Salad, India Giver, Brazil Wax and Poland Sausage. 

• Just to remind me of how soon our little baby boy will be here, MLW's cousin went into labor two-weeks early on Saturday. Welcome Olivia Joy. On our way to visit baby and Mom, my wife mentioned that M3S and she could marry because they are forth-cousins but I quickly convinced her that these families are already screwed-up enough to start messing with the gene pool any more than we already have.

• Talk around the Sunday Dinner table last night (after we were finished eating) turned to babies and deliveries and C-sections and stuff. The only one at the table that had not been through a birth but was still able to understand what we were discussing was my 22-year-old niece, who commented, "I wish we could just throw them up!" As freaky of an experience natural birth was-- and I wasn't even the one having the baby-- her idea may be even more bizarre.

• My Mom thinks I should write a book called Sunday Dinner. I explained to her that I am basically doing that by writing in this blog. I think she would enjoy reading it but she refuses to own a computer... or fly in a plane.

• Barrack Obama's Inauguration price-tag is somewhere around $150 million for four-days of events with 1.5 to 3 million attendees. This is more than three-times the amount that was spent for the most recent Bush bash and more than five-times the amount for Clinton's first-term inauguration bill. I don't feel like messing with the math but I think that is a more expensive ticket than the Superbowl... and I would think the taxpayer is taking care of the bill. Where are our priorities?

• I understand that they are re-naming Delmar in our fair city-- Barrack Obama Boulevard. This for a man that has not served a day in the presidential office yet. You would think that the St. Louis planning commission would have learned their lesson from when they named a stretch of I-70-- Mark McGwire Highway, only to have the muscle-bound slugger lay an egg in the Congressional hearings on steroid abuse in baseball.

• Do not try this at home... or anywhere else for that matter... and don't read this one if you have a weak stomach. I recently heard of a disgusting (even by my standards) practice young people have been participating in order to get high. They actually poop in a bag, let it ferment for a while and then snort the fumes produced. What is the world coming to? We did some pretty stupid things as kids for some pretty stupid reasons, but none even close to this stupid! I have a real hard time believing this one because if someone asked me to come up with the most gross, disgusting, stupid thing in the world, I would have a hard time thinking this up. Why can't they use this energy and experimentation with methane gases to develop alternative fuel choices-- if your going to play with poop-- it should at least be for a good cause.

• Similarly, I can't believe that their is a certain frequency that only humans under the age of 18 can hear and that they are making ring tones in these frequencies for the kids' cel phones. I believe that this is a giant conspiracy that has gone mainstream with stories on the national network newscasts. Millions and millions of kids across the globe are laughing at all the big dumb adults behind our backs. It is like a giant 21st-Century snipe hunt.

• I was looking at my niece's friend's and my sister's pierced noses yesterday and noticed something peculiar (I mean something besides the fact that my sister is 41-years old and has her nose pierced)-- their piercings were on opposite sides. I thought this might be another one of those things that I didn't know about because I was old but, because my sister too was old, this may be my opportunity to get an honest answer and I asked what was the significance of the locations. She gave me some long drawn out explanation of how a young girl of Indian descent told her that her mother told her about the meanings in ancient India and it turns out that there is no difference in the meanings of piercings on the left or right side of the nose... they both mean that you're a hussy.

Oh well. Read this. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

Best of 2008

I started writing this blog on July 17 and have since published 90 articles, to date. I wrote a few more that the general public did not see for one reason or another, and have several more in the hopper, for a rainy day, in various stages of completion. For all intent and purposes then, I have written over 100 stories, or about a post in 2 out of every 3 days, for the last six-months.

That's a lot but, when I began, I thought I would write something every day. Less than two-weeks in however, I realized I wasn't going to be able to keep that pace. After all, I do have a life with a day job, a Son and pregnant wife, a bowling league, two gaming systems and a couple of friends that I like to keep up with from time to time. Besides, to try to write more often I would really have to stretch the limits of the topics I am truly interested in and that would quickly get boring for me and the few regular readers that I do have.

No... I am pretty happy with the volume of articles that I have been posting; I am very happy that I am having fun doing this; but what is most surprising to me, is that I'm not too, terribly bad at it either. This is only my humble opinion and, in the past, I would never consider myself a writer but you'll have to admit there is a lot worse stuff out there on the Internet and a lot worse ways for you or me to spend the amount of time it takes to read or write it.

As I was looking back on the year and the postings in this blog, I wanted to do something to review the Best of 2008. I couldn't do a straight Top Ten or something because there are so many different types of entries that I would have a hard time choosing, so I just went through and picked the ones that I thought had some kind of merit and started to list them for what they were worth. 

I don't expect anyone to sit and read through them all but, if you are visiting for the first time, this will give you a good idea of how we roll. If you have been here before, it may highlight something that you missed or something that you like but forgot about. This is what I came up with:

Best Way to Make a Big Announcement... The Big Question

I would have picked How to Announce Your Expecting (A Baby) but absolutely no one was reading my blog at the time except MLW and she already knew she was pregnant so there wasn't much of an impact.

Best Post for a Good Cause... Beat It, Beat It, Beat It

Here again, I could have gone with I Survived A Major Brain Injury... but it was an earlier article that no one read. I think it was a few weeks later that I really hit a good stride and built some rhythm into my stories. A lot of it had to do with opening up and having the courage to write what I really felt instead of just trying to sell a T-shirt. The story about Tocco helped me do that.

Best Idea That Just Didn't Catch On... Jonah's Brothers Tour T-Shirts

I thought this was so clever. Obviously, the world didn't agree with me. An honorable mention goes to All You Need Is Love. It wasn't as good of an idea but just as many people "got it"-- none.

Best Surprise That It Did Catch On... A Trip to the Land of the Lost

I had no idea that anyone ever watched this show and really didn't expect much interest at all but have gotten a ton of visits from the posting. If I didn't have the sleestack design, I could say the same thing about What Did the Headless Horseman Say to Frankenstein, but I do so I can't.

Best Self Help Article... How to Quit Smoking Overnight

I wouldn't recommend it for everyone but if you are really desperate...

Best Instructional Post... I'm an Excellent Driver

Ohh... please don't get me started!

Best Political Comment... What Is A Bellwether State?

Thank God we don't have to deal with that again for another four or eight years.

Best Spiritual Story... From the Bottom of My Heart

I planned on reading this during the Thanksgiving Sharing Service at church but was almost sure I would chicken out at the last minute. Somehow I worked up the courage to do it in front of the whole congregation. It went over pretty well and I felt great afterward-- Who would've thought? 

Best List... The Twelve Days of Christmas Specials

I'm starting to like this list format. This was the first one I did and I like it but wish I would've included links to each one as I did in America's Top 40: Christmas.

Best Use of Sarcasm... When I Was Your Age...

There is not enough sarcasm in the world today.

Best Post That Required A Lot of Research... What's In Your Name?

Took me a few days to put this one together-- last time I'll do that.

Best "Let's Roll"... 1.07

MLW hates these but, even she will admit, the Halloween Edition was a real Thriller!

Best "You Gotta Be Kidding Me"... 1.01

This one still freaks me out every time I hear it and they are still claiming it's true!

Best Response... Things That I Learned in 2008

MLW liked this article so much that she forwarded it to everyone in her address book. I think we, directly or indirectly, heard comments from every one of those kind folks. Thanks.

Best Issue That I Would Most Like to See Go Viral... It Only Seems Fair

You can help! Read this and forward to anyone you know that visits a chiropractor, anyone who knows someone in chiropractic treatment or anyone else who may be interested in joining the cause.

Best Post... Memories of "The Lot"

It's just my opinion but, then again, the whole thing is my opinion so if I say it is the best... it's the best.

That's the best I can narrow it down. I can't imagine how tough it will be to do this next year when there is a whole year's posts to consider. I think the articles are getting better as I go so as long as I can keep coming up with decent subject matter, 2009 should be looking good.

Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for reading. Buy T-Shirts. Peace.

Monday Morning Quarterback 1.15

Happy New Year! What is today-- the 5th already? It is real easy to lose track of time on these four-day-weekends. I never feel that I get enough done or have enough fun during that time, either. We were awfully busy, though, so here are the notes from the week:

• Working in a city like St. Louis, with a large percentage of African-Americans, Catholics and Americans, you would think that we would be off for Dr. Martin Luther King Day, Good Friday or President's Day but we don't have another holiday until Memorial Day. 

• I would be interested to know if the rate of heart attack is higher in the first week of the New Year because out-of-shape individuals try to fulfill their year-long resolutions to get fit in four-days. There must have been three times the regular number of people at the gym this morning and, from the looks of things, a few of them were not going to make it through to Wednesday. I didn't have to perform mouth-to-mouth on anyone but it may have been a different story if one guy didn't pull a hammy or that lady didn't blow out her knee.

• You can partially blame seasonal depression on lack of sunlight but, I believe, more of it has to do with transitioning from the joyous, active, event-filled, holiday season to January and February, when the best thing you have to hope for is... March.

• We have not had that bad of a Winter, yet, here in the Mid-West. If you are looking for snow you will have to wait until four-six-hours before MLW goes into labor for the really deep stuff-- with a 46-mile trip to the hospital... you can count on it.

• The one good thing about this time of year is that it is Trivia Night Season. If you are as excited as I am visit How to Win a Trivia Night and give add your input.

• Wii is just what it Nintendo markets it as-- a really good way for families to play games together... even for the kids and Mom. The motion sensing remotes are pretty cool, but for serious gamers I still recommend Xbox360.

• The cymbals for the RockBand drum kit are pretty much just for show as they just replace the corresponding drum pad, but they are fun to crash. What I really want to try is the mufflers that reduce the amount of sound produced when you hit the pads with the stick. If they work, why don't they just modify the drum set that comes with the game to include them as standard? It would inexpensively improve the quality of the game greatly.

• The over/under of when I will last write 2008 when I mean to write 2009 is May 11.

• The first time that I will have to choose between MLW and M3S is coming up this Summer. My Son asked, yesterday, if he could have his next Birthday Party at the place that his cousin had his and my Wife has his and his unborn brother's parties planned until they are 14. There is nothing in those plans about going to the "jumpy place".

• I have been trying to prepare M3S's room for when the new baby will take over the nursery and had the bright idea on Saturday to build him a new bed. It told me right on the Website that I could do it, and I believed it. My Dad built my brother and I a circus cage bunk bed when we were little with bars and everything so I have asked for his help. I will give updates on how the project is going and post pictures when/if it is complete.

• I have realized that I miss a whole lot more than just the company gossip by not smoking anymore. This time of year you come in before dawn and leave after dusk. In a building with no windows, if you don't leave for lunch, it can be days before you see the sun.

• A nice December shopping season has definitely made SkeetzTeez a success! Now that the holidays are over, however, sales have been less than impressive. Except for the occasional interest in my adult designs, almost all of my sales have been the Big Brother or Big Sister shirts. Because, it seems, that there are so many pregnant women that like my designs, I am working on an expanded maternity section with the intent on opening a shop for new baby families only!

• I have gotten a lot of great comments on my blog in recent weeks that I would like to thank my readers for the kind words. I have gone back and re-read some of my older entries and will publish The Best of 2008 later in the week with my favorites. I hope you will enjoy them!

• I love to hear your feed back! (Even if it isn't always, totally, positive.) Please respond to the articles and tell me what you think!

Read This. Buy T-Shirts. Peace.

What A Long, Strange Trip: 2008

I suppose, now that I have a blog, I am not going to be able to get through 2008 without doing some kind of Year In Review type of article. I thought I would be excited to put this one together but, for some reason, I can't seem to get in the right mood. I have started writing several times only to abandon the story partially done or scrapping the whole thing and starting over.

Most of the reason that I don't want to write a 2008 Review is that everybody does one-- not only bloggers but all kinds of Internet, print and broadcast sources will produce their lists of the most, least, best, worst and biggest person, places and things of the year. In addition, I want my articles to be real... but not too real. Not that I am lying to anyone out there but I don't feel the need to tell complete strangers (and some other acquaintances) my most intimate thoughts and every personal feeling. I am, however, enjoying that I get to write about interesting topics, funny stories and a important cause or two and get a kick out of the fact that, at least some, other people are reading the stuff.

Therefore, I am going to try, again, to do my 2008 Year In Review and, maybe, by Wednesday, I will have something ready that I am comfortable enough sharing with the rest of the world... or the very small number of individuals that find it.

2008 started out at home for us. We are not really a big party-type of family anyway and, with a two-year old running the house, we like to be as close to home as possible most of the time, but especially on amateur night. It was fun! We invited some friends (and their kids) over, played video games, ate munchies and enjoyed each others' company.

Having had a stroke just five-weeks earlier and, basically, being paralyzed on the right half of my body, it was amazing that I was able to do that much. I was in therapy every day I could get it from November 28 through the end of the year. We had to get as many visits in 2007 as possible to submit to the insurance companies and they couldn't work me hard enough as I figured that was the only way I was going to improve. We did see some improvement almost every day! It wasn't always dramatic progress, but it was almost every day.

By Christmas I could walk well enough to get around without the cane or any other aides. I could hold a drumstick with a modified grip on New Years but it was very difficult to keep up with my friends on Rock Band. MLW talked all of our guests into writing down their resolutions so she could mail them as a reminder in six-months but I was just starting to be able to write and it wasn't very legible so I just kept mine to myself.

I had already made a remarkable recovery and wanted my resolution to be a tribute to that. Without going into too much detail, then, I can tell you that I promised myself to do everything I could to be a better man than I was before the stroke. I wanted to work hard to be stronger physically, but it meant much more to me than that. I can get a little more into this later but, for now, let's leave it with... I wanted to be sure that what should be important was more important than what wasn't and I didn't want to waste my time with things that were unimportant.

There was a tremendous amount of progress made in the month of February. My therapists started dropping me, starting with my PT and then, although I was still having a difficult time speaking, my speech therapist. Most of my large motor skills had returned and, while I worked by myself to build strength in them, I still visited my OT for couple of hours a day, several days a week to work on my small motor skills. I was extremely anxious to be released to drive again because, although I was not looking forward to getting back to the daily grind, I had to get out of the house.

The first week in March I finally passed my drivers' test and was able to do exactly that, followed by going back to work at the beginning of the third week. Looking back, this was probably two-to-four weeks early as I was having a very hard time getting back into the swing of things. I did, however, begin to rid myself of some of the worthlessness that I had been feeling in the previous 13-weeks as I was a little less of a burden on my family and friends-- especially my wife, who was incredibly gracious, helpful, merciful, kind and understanding through the whole ordeal.

I made such a remarkable recovery that the doctors said I could only use the stroke as an excuse for a year. I used every last minute of that time but, for the sake of this blog post, we will leave off of it here in April. I think I am still recovering a little bit every day. I notice it most in my speech and endurance-- the two things that are effected most by the severe fatigue I was feeling as my brain shut down all other bodily functions in order to save energy so that it could heal faster. 

I had said from the beginning, part in jest-- part for real, that I only wanted to recover 99% so that I would always have a reminder of the event and the important lessons that I learned from it. I don't really find it odd, therefore, that the only real pain that I ever had was in my pinkie finger, of all things, and if you didn't know that I had a stroke, I'm sure that you couldn't tell, but that finger still hurts like it did the first day. Be careful what you wish for.

In May things started heating up... and I am not talking about the weather. MLW and I celebrated our our forth Anniversary with a date night. I really can't say enough good things about my wife. Before we met, I couldn't imagine me being married and having a family-- now, I can't even start to imagine what my life would be like if I wasn't lucky enough to have her-- but trust me... it would not be pretty. I am saying all of these things right now because she is so kind that she is one of the few people that regularly read my blog even though she doesn't always like it and I don't tell her (or show her) how much she means to me often enough.

This was also the month that I made some decisions about my life, the direction that it was going, and the goals that we wanted to achieve. Here, again, without getting into a lot of detail this is not going to make a lot of sense and I am not going to get into a lot of detail but let me say this... for now-- you have to have goals.

Some of my goals had to do with getting back to my roots-- doing art for arts' sake and because it was fun like I did when I was young. So in June I set out on a quest to find a more creative outlet than the corporate (par-done mi French) crap that I had to knock out at the office every day. I found this outlet in SkeetzTeez-- a cafepress shop featuring T-shirts and other gift items with unique, custom designs imprinted on them. Although this was filling that creative void that I was feeling, at least to some point, there was still something missing but all that would have to wait because...

I don't know if it was the date night or not but on the Forth of July, M2S got to tell all of our family his secret, "Mamma's got a baby in her tummy"! The rest of the world found out shortly after that because I was just so excited that I couldn't keep it a secret. In fact, this was the subject of my second blog post on the 17th of the month. I started the blog to help promote the SkeetzTeez shop and also created several lenses on Squidoo for the same purpose. If you have followed the blog, you already know more detail than I am going to be able to give you in this review but, please, feel free to continue through the rest of the year.

In August, our two-year-old Son became M3S. That kid means so much to me! He really is my best friend, my inspiration for doing everything that I have to do and my joy just to carry on. I don't know if it is just his age, that I got to spend a lot more quality time with him since I was not working, or that I usually have to sleep with him in his bed because Mamma's pregnant, but we have become so much closer this year. Not to get into the stroke thing again but, just to let you know how the recovery was going, at his birthday party, I climbed up on the roof and held up a 35-pound pinata in a pirate costume (me not the pinata) so a bunch of delinquents could beat on it with a Wiffleball bat.

I also wrote about auditioning for the church worship group in this month. Update: I made it! I have been singing at least once a month since then. I really, really like this church because I feel like we are all contributing to the community and we have been accepted into it. There are several changes that are upcoming that, I hope, will make the group stronger rather than weaker in the next year.

Most of September was spent on the Internet trying to learn all of the tricks of the trade to promote T-shirt sales. Overall, I think I did pretty good. In addition to the blog and Squidoo, I got involved with other social networking applications like Twitter and, eventually, Facebook. Besides getting somewhat proficient at most of the programs, I also got involved with and even lead a few groups to cross-promote members' cafepress shops. The way I look at it: if someone is going to buy someone else's stuff over mine, they would have probably done it any way. We might as well team up so every potential customer sees as many different designs as possible. Some shopkeepers agree with that philosophy-- others think I'm nuts.

October was a big month as I celebrated my 43rd Birthday, that I honestly thought that I would never see by learning that our second-(and probably last)born was going to be a son (Gabriel, I think). This brought about mixed feelings, as I wrote about at the time, but in the long run, I am so happy that I could just (par-done mi French, again) dance! This is also about the time that I started my crusade to inform everyone I could about the dangers of chiropractic stroke. I know... your tired of hearing about it, so I won't get into it... just remember... read this!

The presidential election took place in November-- finally! After three-and-a-half years of campaigning with such a disappointing outcome, I'm sick and tired about talking politics. I had more important things to address! With the Anniversary of my brain attack looming, I was reminded by my pinkie, of my resolution. Although, my attention had shifted to the probability of it being caused by chiropractic manipulation, I was still letting myself down by not fulfilling the promises that I made myself. Time to, among other things, get back to the gym and get a better overall attitude.

I have been doing better in December, but there is still much room for improvement and I am looking forward to 2009. I intentionally left my resolution a little vague last year and that is against all of the rules for goal making. I need to be more specific next year. Overall, though, I think this year has been a great one and, more importantly, I have made it through the 2008 Year In Review. Reading back through it, I don't like it but... I'm still going to publish because I took all of this time to write it.

I'm about halfway through with another one from a different angle, however. Maybe tomorrow I will try to finish that one up and post it: Things I Learned in 2008? If not... write to you next year! In the mean time... Happy New Year. Read this. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

Monday Morning Quarterback 1.11

I really should change the name of this weekly post to Tuesday Morning Quarterback or something because I think it has been a month since I published on a Monday. I don't know if it is that I am too busy because of the time of year and all of the stuff that's been going on or if it is that I am getting a little bored and I haven't made it a priority to write when I do have the time.

Spare time is always hard to find around the holidays but this year I'm going to take advantage of the technology and use the internet to handle most of my shopping chores. From the looks of the reports on my Website, many other smart consumers are doing the same.

Top Five keywords that resulted in visits to SkeetzTeez or SkeetzTeez blog:

5. land of the lost

4. stroke-chiropractor

3. suck for a buck

2. trivia

1. schweddy balls

Top five designs sold at SkeetzTeez:

5. Smallville Athletic Department

4. Suck It Trebeck

3. Charlestown Chiefs/Slapshot

2. I'm Cute

1. Big Brother/Big Sister

I have neglected the shop lately, hardly adding any new designs yet I have quite a few concepts started that I need to knock out before Thanksgiving so I can be included in the Holiday gift-giving rush. It is encouraging to see some interest in designs other than the political and baby stuff though. Many of my ideas are a little obscure but I am banking on there being enough interested customers out there, if I can just get the exposure on the shop so they can see what I have to offer.

If you know any of these, so-called, interested customers, forward this blog or tell them about my WebShop or, even better, just buy the gift and give it to them for Christmas! Here's the notes from the weekend:

• When I first opened the shop, I thought that most of my business would be from customers that requested custom designs for one or a few T-shirts but it was awfully easy to just throw a design up on the site and see who would buy it. I did, however, complete my first special order last week for a friend of MLW who is participating in a Walk for Breast Cancer. If you need a special event design-- just drop me a line.

• I'm a poet and don't know it.

• Christmas shopping for M3S has been made very simple this year as he has so eloquently informed me that all he wants is... everything-- every toy he sees on TV, in catalogs, at the mall and in some other kid's dirty little mitts.

• Is it normal for three-year-olds to know the word humungous and use it correctly in a sentence?

• Trivia is still a top keyword that is driving visitors to my Websites. I'm not sure why because I rarely write about trivia, but we have taken home two-firsts and one-second in the last three Trivia Nights we have competed in.

• My 20-year-old nephew's 19-year-old girlfriend said she has cleared upwards of $850 a day waiting tables at Hooters. You have to come up with your own punch line for this because there are just too many ways I can get myself in trouble with this one.

• Just for kicks, I was helping my fourth-grade niece with her Geography homework on Sunday. The first question was, "What is the capital of Washington, D.C.?" Who is checking the teacher's work?

• Unless your going to plan on making a career out of the military or as a travel agent, Geography is pretty much useless-- made that way by easy access to MapQuest and portable GPS units.

• If the feds are going to bailout the big-three automakers now, what's next? You can come up with your own punch line here too. I didn't mean it to be a joke... but it is.

• I can't imagine how one gets poison ivy this late in the year after more than one hard frost when all of the plants should be dead but, somehow, I managed to get a doozy of a batch. Pray that it doesn't get in my nook and crannies.

• It is going to be a tight race and come right down to the wire to determine if the Rams or our Fantasy Football team sucks more this year.

• My 22-year-old niece was finally convinced that I may "have something" with my theory that the stroke was caused by chiropractic treatment after seeing a video of a woman in Canada that had a similar story. Now that I have most (but not yet all) of the family on the bandwagon, I'm coming after you! Read my story, It Only Seems Fair, and then visit my Squidoo page, Stroke-Chiropractors to see all of the evidence for yourself!

• If you have a cause or even just an interest that you would like to get the word out about, Squidoo is an excellent, easy, free vehicle to do so.

• I'm sure glad Mimi is alright. Yes-- for her sake, but also Nanu's. He's a tough guy but I don't think he would get along very well without her.

• Can't say it enough... tell the people you love, that you love them... now!

No... I really mean it! Stop reading this blog and and call your Mom, Dad, Grandparents, Brother, Sister or anybody else that you care about, and tell them how you feel; step away from the computer and give your Wife, Husband, Girl or Boyfriend a kiss; find your kids and give them a big hug and then spend a few moments playing or talking with them because a time will come when you won't be able to do these things-- and I don't want you to blame me that you didn't take the time when you had the chance...

Then come back here and Read this. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

Who's the fat guy talking to Mark?

A good friend posted some pictures of our visit to the pumpkin patch on Facebook. I was going through them looking for shots of my Son in the vast sea of children (most of them hers), not recognizing anyone until I caught a glimpse of her husband in the crowd. My first thought was, "Who's the fat guy talking to Mark?" but on closer inspection I realized it was me... I thought he looked familiar!

I made the mistake of standing, nakee, in front of the mirror on Friday. At home I know where the full-lengths are strategically located and I make it a habit not to get caught in front of one, but we stayed in a hotel this weekend and I wasn't paying attention. I woke up from an afternoon nap and dropped my clothes on the floor before darting into the bathroom for a shower and spun right into a full-frontal. I think it would be safe for me to say that you can ask anyone that knows me and they would say I am anything but vane, however, this was not a pretty sight.

What I saw made me disgusted to think that, not a year earlier, I stood in front of a mirror looking at a body that was mostly crippled on one side, promising myself that, if I regained my strength and coordination, I was not going to fall back into the bad habits that allowed me to get out of shape. I, honestly, don't know what happened. Although, I haven't been a fitness fanatic, I am still eating ten times better than I was before the stroke and working out more often also, yet I have gained more weight in the last 12 months than I have in any period in my life.

I have cut the salt, the fat, and the carbs and, as a result (and with the added help of some really good meds) I have brought down my blood-pressure and my cholesterol to acceptable levels but even with the additional exercise, I am still not losing-- and sometimes even gaining, pounds. My first thought was that the medications could be contributing to my difficulties, but nothing I have read would lead me to believe that any of them would cause a problem.

I tried to blame some of the weight on sympathy gain because my wife is pregnant with our second child. I could believe that was the problem until my sympathy gain exceeded her actual weight gain and M3S exclaimed that Dada was going to have a big baby when he understood that Mama's belly was getting big because it had a baby growing in it.

I know that some people pack on the poundage when they quit smoking but I would have a very hard time using this as an excuse considering I quit overnight with the only ill-effect being that I was tired all of the time. I continued to lose weight for the first three or four months afterward so I don't think the delayed nicotine withdrawal argument is going to fly.

My wife tends to think that it is all because of my age. 43 is not what I would consider old now, though, 25-30 years ago I certainly would. If I can't use my lost youth as a legitimate explanation for the stroke-- I can't use it for a good reason to be lazy and out of shape either.

During my rehabilitation, I fell into some excellent habits. I took my diet and exercise to the extreme-- partly because I was scared to death of dying, but mostly because I wanted to be sure to get a good head-start because it would be hard to keep up that pace and not start slacking. That slacking, however, came back way too quickly once I got back to a semi-normal routine. I went from being bored and looking for things to do with all of the free time I had to being worn-out all the time when I went back to work. In addition, sitting at a desk all day isn't very healthy either-- at least with my nicotine habit, I would get up to go to the smoking area four times a day.

I have always enjoyed working out earlier rather than later and, from what I've heard, this is much better for burning calories. I find it extremely hard to get myself motivated to go to the gym after work-- or even worse, after dinner. There is a group of people at work though that actually workout before they come in but I could just never see myself getting up before the Sun, dragging my butt out of bed, into the car and up to the YMCA, when I could do something much more sensible and enjoyable, like... sleep!

This was before the incident with the mirror, though, and my knee-jerk, paranoia, hypochondriac reaction to get up early the next morning, drag my sorry butt out of bed, down the stairs (instead of the elevator) and into the hotel "fitness center"-- two treadmills and a stationary bike. They weren't the best facilities but I got in an almost 50-minute session before MLW and M3S came down looking for breakfast and the other key to the room.

Later in the afternoon, I commented how it felt good-- mentally and, surprisingly, physically-- to get up and get in that workout early in the morning... and while on vacation to boot. My wife suggested that I should try it when we get home, and reminded me that I usually get up to load our Son in the car for her at 5:30 anyway. I never thought of it like that.

So, this morning, I gave it a shot. MLW, gently, woke me at 5:30 so I could carry 38 pounds of dead weight 50-feet to the garage and load M3S into his car seat and then I dragged my sorry butt into the car and to the Y. I got in a 5-minute warm-up and stretch, 18-minutes on the treadmill, a quick upper-body circuit and 16-minutes on the elliptical machine. I still had time to take a nice hot shower and stop back by the house to pick up a few things that I forgot before I was off to work.

I don't know how I will hold up the rest of the day. It is only lunch time now but I am already feeling a little tired. I hope that I will soon pick up a second wind, though, because I am committed to giving this a shot, at least, through the end of the week. I'm sure it will get easier if I get used to it.

Besides, I weighed in while I was at the YMCA and I'm a little embarrassed to say that I tipped the scales at 191. I'm embarrassed but still willing to post my weight here as well as my goal of 182 by December 31 and 175 by February 19 to better hold myself accountable. There is not a lot of people that are reading this blog but, probably, enough to get on my case if I start slacking again.

I will give periodic updates on my progress in the upcoming weeks. Until then... Read This. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

Monday Morning Quarterback 1.10

It seems like it has been weeks since I have written anything. I have a friend at work that always takes a post-vacation vacation day. It seems silly to waste an extra day off when you just had all of that time to relax but, whether it's due to me getting old or M3S being a handful to travel with, I could use an extra day to recover from the trip. It was only a three-day weekend, but I have a bunch of notes to write about so I am going to skip the Top Fives for now and get on with it while it is all fresh in my head.

• Used to be that when a young person went away to college they were gone until Christmas break unless they ran out of money and hitched a ride home for the weekend to get more. We went to Indiana to visit my sister-in-law for her school's family weekend and there was more family on campus than students because everyone went home. We were lucky she knew we were coming or she would've probably taking the five-and-a-half-hour drive home for the fifth time this semester and we would miss her.

• If the government is looking for a model of how to get dug out of this financial crisis they should look to the Colleges and Universities as it seems the several that I am aware of are in a financial boom with expansion and improvements running rampant.

• If you call someone from Indiana a Hoosier, do they consider it a complement.

• Indiana is proud of John Cougar Mellencamp. I heard more of his music in the last three days than I heard in the three biggest years of his popularity. I like his stuff as much as anyone but see no need for, WJCM: All Cougar-- All the Time.

• I have never worked in a fine eating establishment such as T.G.I.Friday's but I just can't understand how it can be that hard to split up a check, no matter how many people are on it, as long as you have already added in 15% gratuity.

• It's official-- M3S is my best friend now. We became blood brothers on our trip and he gave me some weird kind of brain meld.

• I will write in more depth on this in the next few months but I have a real concern that I have grown so attached my three-year old Son that it will be hard to not favorite him when the baby comes.

• Visited a church in Kokomo, Indiana on Sunday that was very cool. In addition to having a super amazing building and the most elaborate production of children's church that I could ever imagine, they were in the middle of a series based on The Beatles, of all things. I wish I could have heard more because everything that I ever heard says The Fab Four and God didn't cross paths very much.

• Did I mention, after starting 1-5 and then winning three in a row that our fantasy football team may be able to end up with a respectable season this year? If I did... I was wrong.

• After averaging almost 50 mpg in the Prius since we bought it, we got barely over 40 mpg on the trip, partly because of our speed, the weather, and having three passengers and their luggage for three-days packed in the space but mainly because MLW was in charge of the climate control and we would constantly be switching from heat to air-conditioning.

• Be sure to check SkeetzTeez often in the coming weeks because I have a ton of new design ideas that I will be adding in an attempt to get as many holiday gift sales as possible.

• Did you know: you have 30,000 individual thoughts in your head every day?

• Wall-E is a good movie with several interesting messages and an artsy essence that reminds me a bit of the Disney masterpiece Fantasia. Not really a kids' film, though, in my opinion.

• I have a theory that Cracker Barrel Restaurants, no matter how busy they are, always have at least a 20-minute wait for a table so you are stuck roaming around that silly craft store until you break-down and buy the $4.89 worth of stuff, just to distract the children (or wife) long enough to stop whining about how hungry they are.

• I am very proud of the attention that my Squidoo lens about Awareness of the Risk of Strokes with Chiropractors is getting. I am getting more and more hits every week as the word is being spread about the dangers of chiropractic neck procedures. If you have a loved one or a friend that is being treated by a chiropractor, make sure they see this before they are seriously injured!

I thought that I had a lot more than this to right but I am running out of time and can't think of anything else appropriate to write (I am trying to clean up my act). I hope to have something every day this week though and will certainly include anything I forgot in an upcoming article. Until then... Read this. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

Drive Time

My morning drive to work takes me 23-minutes and 52-seconds on a good day. Considering, however, that there are almost no good days, I'm lucky to make the trip in less than a half-hour or 45-minutes most of the time. I have become wiser in my old age and have just come to accept that there is nothing I can do to reduce the amount of time that I spend on the road and I must try to make the most of the situation.

I take advantage of the opportunity to prepare, mentally, for the day ahead of me. I want to be sure to not be distracted when driving but, because there is less driving and more crawling, very slowly along the highway, I can get away with some minor brain-activity like practicing a speech, memorizing multiplication tables or analyzing the previous night's reality show episode and trying to handicap the odds of each contestant being eliminated off the island, dance floor or stage the next week. On days when the sun is out or when it is raining I can catch up on some reading or get in a game of Texas Hold 'em on my cel phone. If I am lucky enough that there is a fender-bender going the other way, I actually have enough time to do some laps around adjacent cars or take a quick nap before a fellow commuter notices I have dozed off and politely reminds me what we are here for with a friendly toot of his or her horn.

All kidding aside, as seen in yesterday's post, I'm an Excellent Driver, I am a big proponent of eliminating the distractions we all face while trying to operate a motor vehicle. I am also a believer that, although cel phones have received most of the attention, something as simple as glancing away to change the radio station or adjust the climate controls can be distracting enough to cause an accident. 

I am fortunate, though, to own a 2006 Toyota Prius that, for safety's sake more than comfort, has most controls for every system in the car, literally, right at your fingertips. Besides the usual turn signals, lights, windshield wipers and cruise control levers mounted on the steering column, the automakers embedded controls for the heater/air conditioner and, most importantly, the audio system, right on the steering wheel. With the additional features of a LED instrument panel on top of the dashboard, up at the windshield instead of lower on the dash, I rarely have to take my eyes off of front and center, much less, my hands off the wheel.

The radio in the car is important to me because I think I would be more distracted by it not being there. Let me try to explain... when I am by myself, without some kind to mental stimulation, my mind starts to wander. Having a creative imagination, this isn't usually a concern unless, of course, I start to wander into a thought that makes me anxious because, no matter how ridiculous the concept may sound, if my anxiety takes over, it very quickly becomes real to me and I start obsessing about all the negative possibilities until I become overwhelmed with what is going on in my mind and forget about everything else that is going on around me.

So... I listen to the stereo when I drive to work. I often listen to one of three AM talk stations-- one news, one sports and one variety. I'm not sure if my reasons for doing so are because it is just a natural instinct thing that one starts listening to talk radio when they start getting old or if it is a security thing that I know what I am going to get when I listen to these stations: news- mostly bad in this day and age, but they try (mostly unsuccessfully) to put a positive spin on things; sports- mostly bad in this town, but they try (mostly unsuccessfully) to be funny and entertaining; and variety- is a little less predictable depending on the guest and subject of the day could be anything from gossip or fortunetellers to current events and interviews with entertainers or political leaders.

You would think that music stations would be a little more predictable, but I have found that is not the case-- especially during morning drive time. I have a total of 12-pre-set stations that I have programmed on the car stereo. Because I like a very wide variety of music, so I basically have each of those pre-sets on a different genre station-- classic rock, pop, easy listening, R&B, jazz, etc. I even have Christian music and Hip Hop stations programmed in for when MLW is in the car and the Disney Station set for when M3S is with me.

Monday morning, for a change of pace, I felt like listening to one of the twelve music stations instead of the three talk stations, mainly because even the sports guys were discussing the upcoming presidential election. I have heard about enough discussion of our two candidates to last until the 2016 campaign that I would be willing, at this point, to commit my vote to the guy that promises to pull all of the negative advertisements, honestly give their position on the real issues and then shut their trap. But I digress...

In the first 2o-minutes of my commute, I was surprised to find nothing worth listening to. An almost constant cycle through eleven (I just couldn't bring myself to try the Hip-Hop that early in the morning) music channels and I could find no music! I would have even resorted to Worship music or gospel hymns on my wife's or the Jonas Brothers on the kid's favorites, but even they were broadcasting talk-- or should I say static and talk (neither has a very strong signal). Some of the others run big production, syndicated, super-crazy morning shows that you expect a lot of teams of hosts and their wild shenanigans, but a just couldn't believe that no one was playing any thing close to music for such a long period of time.

Granted that I was flipping through all of those channels and about three-quarters of the way through my trip I was frustrated enough to try the scan button to see if I could find anything anywhere else (nothing but the end of a classical tune and something that I think was a Hindu love song) so I could have missed a very, very short song, but it would have had to be timed just perfectly-- nothing else but politics, commercials and political commercials. 

Oh... and Christmas music, of all things! There is a station in this town that has gone to all Holiday music... in October. I expect they will continue with that format through December but, if they are doing it now, they might as well play it all year long!

I was about to give up because it had been a good traffic day and I was almost to work when I came upon the sweet sound of a ringing acoustic guitar chord. It only took a few seconds to recognize the harmonized vocals of Extreme with their 1990 chart-topping hit "No More Words"-- I love that song!

As I pulled into my parking spot on the side of the building, the rock ballad was coming to it's end. I sat there for a few seconds to soak in the last little bit and see if the station would follow that classic with another cool tune. Imagine my astonishment when they went with... an Extreme Two-for! Hole Hearted! Sweet! The only thing that was going to beat that on a Monday A.M. is to get to hear some other obscure one-or-two-hit wonder like Nelson or Zebra!

My morning had gone from worst-to-first and now I could go in and start my work day with a song in my head and a smile on my face. After all of that searching and searching, I stumbled onto a little piece of heaven right here on... the Oldies station? There must be some mistake! If music on the charts when I was old enough to vote is being played on the Oldies Station-- there can be no doubt that I am definitely getting old.

Don't get old. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

I'm an Excellent Driver

Does everyone think to themselves, "I'm an excellent driver?" And if they do, do you think they say it in a voice like Dustin Hoffman in Rainman?  

I've been behind the wheel for 25 years now (for what I figured out to be about 550,000 miles) and I tend to believe I one of the best drivers I have met. If you ask MLW, however, she would say that I drive too fast and aggressively and, I guess, the couple of accidents I have had and several-- okay, more than several-- tickets I have gotten, would go far to back her claim.

I still believe, however, though I may be lacking the patience to score a perfect 100 on my driving test again (written and roadway), my experience and skills are far better than your average individual on the road today. I am not, by any means, trying to instruct anyone how to safely and lawfully operate a motor vehicle, but I will offer up these friendly driving tips that I have picked-up over the years to help you avoid being cursed at by other drivers:

• Wear sunglasses- I don't mean you should need a pair of fancy Blueblockers or anything. We are not, after all, concern about the health and welfare of your eyes, we just want you to stop squinting and traveling along at a snail's pace. You can still get a pair of cheap sunglasses at the Dollar Store-- and yes... they are only a dollar. This will shield your eyes enough to pick up the pace a little bit without worrying too much about rear-ending the moron in front of you without sunglasses. Note: When the traffic guy on the radio says your driving into the Sun, he doesn't mean your going to drive into the Sun!
• Use your visor- Similar to the sunglasses, but you don't even have to go out and buy these separately. Most, if not all, cars made in the world after 1963 are equipped with sun visors in both the driver and passenger positions. Other "useful" accessories including mirrors, lights and pockets to hold various other things that you don't need in a car, are sometimes added-on to the visors, but the primary intent of these devices is to shade your eyes from the Sun so you can use both hands to do more important things while you drive-- like driving.
• Use your blinkers- Does anybody call them directional signals? They're just blinkers, right? Before this invention, sometime before I was born, drivers had to stick their arms out the window and point which way they were going. Pretty silly, huh? Mainly for safety's sake, automakers came up with the bright idea to put a lever on the steering wheel that would flash lights on the car to inform other drivers that you are about to cut them off or "you might want to go around me because I'm trying to make a left onto this busy street and I might be here a while because I can't find a place to squeeze my giant, gas-guzzling minivan in". All it takes is a flick of the pinky but I'm amazed at the number of drivers that are not courteous enough to use the signal.
• Use of Turn Lanes- Best traffic discovery in the last twenty years-- the "odd" turn lane. You know, if you have a four-lane road (two in each direction) they add that fifth, middle lane to allow cars making a left to get out of the main flow of traffic. Whatever engineer first came up with this idea was brilliant! Dull individuals, however, that use the lane to make the left turn onto the road and then sit there until they are able to merge in, spoil the whole concept by blocking the lane and screwing up traffic in both directions.
• Drive in the correct lane- While we are on the subject of lane changes... we were on the subject of lane changes, right? I have to be careful with this one because this is where my natural, male aggression shows it's ugly head. There are so many cars on the road now that it is hard to find a two-laner anywhere. Almost all highways (or bi-ways or freeways or interstates or whatever you call them in your part of the world) have, at least three lanes in each direction. I was taught in tenth-grade DE class that each lane on a multi-lane road, had a specific purpose-- the right lane was for entering and exiting the highway; the left lane was for passing; and the middle lane was for regular through travel. It has been a long time and with budget cuts and liability issues most school districts have eliminated Driver Education programs but, it seems to me, that no one is following these guidelines anymore. It seems simple enough: enter the freeway and move to the middle lane until you come to a car moving slower than you, at which time you move one lane left, pass the car and move back to the middle lane. What is so hard about that? A lot of highways I travel on have four or five lanes in each direction which should make it easier and more uniform but, in reality, it just turns into a free-for-all with the faster drivers weaving in-and-out of the slower ones. Someone is going to get hurt.
• Limit distractions- This is hard and I, sometimes, have trouble with it. Cel phones are a great tool to have but they are one of the biggest causes of traffic problems on the road and studies show that people using them cause more accidents. How many times have you seen a person on their phone distracted enough to have trouble steering or controlling their speed? Believe it or not, if you are trying to talk on the phone and drive at the same time, it is very probable that you are doing the same. Although, cellular phones get most of the press there are many other things that can cause distractions too. Limit eating, shaving, sightseeing, smoking, putting on make-up, doing your hair, scolding the children, changing the radio station, looking for something, talking with passengers or anything else that may distract you from driving and... drive.
• If you can't drive well... don't drive- This may be the most important thing to keep in mind, but is probably the hardest problem to correct. There are many reasons why an individual would not have the ability to drive well. There is so much discussion about the ability of the elderly and young people to drive that many states are considering legislation to restrict, limit or require addition testing for these drivers. In addition to the obvious person under the influence of drugs or alcohol, we must also look at other conditions like being sleepy or displaying road rage that impact a driver's abilities. The condition that is often overlooked that can be a major factor in a person's ability to drive is fear. My niece shouldn't have been driving for the first five years that she had her license. She was afraid to drive because she thought that she wasn't good at it-- she wasn't really that bad, but her fear overcame her and made her a poor driver. I don't know how many times I have seen a driver on one of those long, flyway, overpasses that take you up, over, and around the congestion of two intersecting super-highways, creeping along the wide, walled, reinforced roadway like one wrong move would have them plummeting off the face of the earth. You've got to respect the road but you can't be afraid of it. 

Once again, I meant this post to go another way and I am running short on time so I will have to get back to the subject another time. Until then... drive safe... and buy T-shirts... or license plate frames. Peace.

What's in Your Name: 2

I have written about names and naming children a couple of times since starting to blog so I won't go into too much depth on the subject today. Because I don't think that we can get out of deciding on a name before we are issued a birth certificate, however, it is probably a good idea to start the grueling task of choosing a name for our Son, now that we know it will be a son. It seems a little unfair that the name we pick in the next 18-weeks will be the one he will be stuck with for his whole life.

I haven't really used the polling feature on this blog to this point, but I think this will be a good opportunity to try it out. I have included our "short list" of names-- some suggested by MLW, M3S or myself and some I am not sure where they came from. You may vote for more than one name in the poll, but you can only vote once... so make it count.

If you would like more background information on what to consider when making your choice, read What's in Your Name? Please keep in mind that we, being the child's parents, are in no way obligated to name our Son the winning name in the poll. After all, some of the names suggested by M3S are cartoon characters and some of them I came up with... and I am not good at this.

Your comments are welcomed but be nice as to not hurt anyones' feelings, huh?

Thanks and buy T-shirts. Peace.

What's in Your Name?

I have spent much more time thinking about names in my life than I ever imagined I would. Since MLW found out she was expecting again, the subject comes up all the time and we haven't even found out the gender of the baby, yet.

I never really thought that much about names or understood how many things needed to be taking into consideration when naming a child. I don't think my parents realized it at the time, but I was given two the five most popular names at the time-- Scott Steven. I have written before about how more than several of the guys I have been hanging with since Junior High share the same names-- namely (no pun intended) Scott and Steve. That was never a big deal though because I am a big fan of nicknames as I think they give you character and are more personal than your given name.

I think that it is interesting that, except for people at work, no one calls me by my formal name. My family still calls me Scotty and everyone else, that knows me well, calls me Skeetz. When you really think about it, how many people use their real names? Most that I can think of are usually referred to by a nickname, pet name, relationship name or title. I very rarely even call my son anything but Buddy (unless he's in trouble) or my wife anything but Babe (unless I'm in trouble).

This leads me to believe that the name that your parents give you are not that important because you, or the people around you, are going to, basically, re-name you and call you whatever they want. But, alas, this is not the way that it works, and many people (including MLW) think it is a decision that needs to be considered carefully. In fact there are more than a few things to think about when choosing a name:

Are you named after someone? There are two different kind of people that influence baby naming. One being famous people or characters. My Mom liked to use this one. My brother was named after Cary Grant, my sister after Heidi-- the little German girl played by Shirley Temple, and I was named after Scotty-- Spanky's friend on the early Our Gang series who wore a big sweater and his baseball cap sideways. 

The other would be family names. M3S was named after his Grandfather. If our second child is a girl she will be named after her Great Grandmother. This is why MLW is convinced that we are going to have a boy-- because she already has the girl's name picked out. Without telling anybody what it is (for many reasons, but mainly so nobody we know steals it) I think we can find a masculine version of the same name for a boy, but I don't think it would work very well unless we were in a Latin nation.

We talked about naming our first Son after me but there are several reasons I didn't like that idea, including it's my name, there are better ones out there and I don't want for him to have to go through life with anyone calling him Junior-- and I'm sure someone would. I have met people, however, with there Mother's maiden name as their middle name and thought that was pretty cool. Come to think of it, though, those people were all women, but maybe we can find a way to honor Gram some way like that with another boy.

I guess I should also mention that we get an extra name to work with. Our children have (or will have) two middle names, although most people just run the two together, assuming that's how it is supposed to be. MLW claims that she is, not only allowed but expected, to do this because of her Mexican/Spanish heritage but I think it is just her way to one-up our kids over others... and I'm not going to argue this point.

What does your name mean? This is a point that I am willing to argue because I think my wife puts too much emphasis on it. Unless your name is totally weird, who is going to ever ask you, "what does your name mean?" My name means Painted Warrior Crown. I didn't know this before five minutes ago and I am probably not going to remember it in five minutes more but she insists on looking up the meaning of every name we remotely consider on one of the many Websites or books dedicated to this subject.

Unless the name actually reads as something silly, like Harry Colon, Richard (Dick) Head or Lemonjello and Orangejello (all real names of real people) I don't care about the origins or original meanings. I don't think many others do either.

What does your name rhyme with and what do your initials spell? On a similar note, parents should do their best to not name their child something that will get him or her teased or beat-up for no better reason than the parents wanted to make a point. Celebrities are big on this with children named Apple, Racer, Eagle-Eye, Heaven, Rocket, Rogue, Rebel or anything close to Sarah Palin's kids' names. (Check out the Palin Baby Name Generator--pretty funny). Frank Zappa almost made an art of it naming his kids Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan, and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen. Children have enough to deal with on the playground without having to explain that their parents didn't have enough forethought to realize that the initials PP were going to be a problem to a bunch of first graders.

How popular is your name? The only negative thing I can really say about my name is that there are too many Scotts. I have found, though, in my extensive research of names, that the popularity of names runs in cycles. In many cases the cycles are complementary with trends in pop culture and the famous (and infamous) in the culture.

Look at the name Monica, for instance, which was becoming more common before President Clinton and Monica Lewinski made headlines. Now you almost never hear of a newborn child with that name. If you look at polls of the most popular names in over a period of several years, you can find many more examples of names exploding up the chart with the popularity of a celebrity (Madonna, Michael Jordan) or falling of with the fall of someone (Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy). Compare the popularity of the name Britney with the rise and fall of Britney Spears and tell me it is a coincidence. 

There are even names that are completely forgotten after an event or person in history. Adolph was a common name before Hitler started his reign. Now, I imagine, you would have a hard time finding many in most of the world. The same can be said about Napoleon and Attila but, honestly, I don't know if those were unique names before or if parents didn't want their children to be associated with Huns.

Some biblical names have had some periods of popularity. Jesus, though, is a name that I can't quite figure out. I know the Spanish speaking cultures use the name, but I can't think of a single English speaking person, Christian or not, named Jesus. Maybe that's in line with one of my very few rules of baby naming: No Bible Names. My theory being, I could grow up thinking that I was going to be the most famous Scott ever--bigger than Scott Joplin, Scott Baio and Scotty on Star Trek. A child named after a person in the Bible-- especially a major player in the Bible-- Moses, Jonah, or God forbid-- the biggest player of all... Jesus, can never hope that of themselves.

Does your name match your personality? You know how they say that couples that have been together a long time start to look alike. I think this can happen with individuals and their names. When you hear certain names you just picture certain characteristics in a person. Think of the name Bubba, Junior, Martha, Lola, Chad or Marvin and tell me what you see. Different individuals may picture things differently but, generally, each name generated some characteristic and/or personality in your head, right?

Who's to say that a name choice that isn't assigned to a person doesn't play into that person's personality? Maybe it's the fact that when we hear a name we see a particular person or maybe it's that so many people see that particular person that they start to become that person... or maybe I'm thinking too much about this now.

We were lucky, I think, to pick the perfect name for our Son. It seems to match his personality almost perfectly. The choice, however, for my wife and I was a difficult one. We had almost definitely decided on the first name months before the birth but we went right up to the final deadline when we were just about to leave the hospital before we, finally, filled out the name portion of the birth certificate application and handed it over. MLW said it was so we could tell if the name we chose fit the baby.

I think we did a pretty good job but that is an idea worth considering. Why don't we wait for a few years, try out a few different choices, make sure there are no pop culture conflicts or too many other kids with that name in the world. We could take a little more time to match the name to the personality and even the looks of the child and then a little more to allow the youngster some input on his moniker. Then, at the age of maybe five or six we can have a coming out party and announce the little bugger to the world with the name that he or she will have to live with for the rest of their life... or maybe we should just pick one and move on with it.

There is a very interesting page on Wikipedia: List of unusual personal names, that I ran across while researching this article. Check it out and then buy some T-shirts. Peace.

Mell This!

A recent Web Poll question asks, "Which of your five senses would you most likely give up for $5 million?" 84.8% of the respondents chose smell. Although I can understand why they feel that way, I can't imagine going through life without any one of my senses, for any amount of money, but I think it would be especially hard to not be able to smell.

I am an visual artist by profession so, I suppose, being blind would be just incredibly tough to deal with. Music is also very important to me as a performing artist so losing my hearing would be very hard too. The sense (and scent) of smell, though, is very powerful. Smells can, among other things, cheer us up, calm us down, wake us, put us asleep, make us hungry, make us sick or trigger emotion or memories.

I have a new found respect for smells having recently quit smoking overnight (http://skeetzteez.blogspot.com/2008/08/how-to-quit-smoking-overnight.html). It was really strange, at first, how smells were so strong. I smelled something burning in my buddy's basement that no one else could find the fire. It was the neighbor's bar-b-que pit... two houses down. The way I found the cafeteria at the hospital was to sniff out, like a bloodhound, the only thing they were cooking at the time-- potatoes... just boiled potatoes. People would tell me for years how bad the stench of my gas I passed was, but I didn't believe them. Now I have a hard time staying in the room with myself when I fart.

Perfume and cologne products have been around since at least 2000 B.C. and are now a multi-billion dollar industry. I wish I had realized how important smell was a long time ago. Apparently there is a reason why the "good stuff" cost $50-$60 or more-- the Chicks dig it! At least a lot more than "the essence of some fragrance you've heard of" offered in the vending machine in gas station men's rooms for 25 cents a squirt.

Not that I ever used that stuff! I was a Polo man. In fact, I'm still a polo man. Not the Polo Sport or Polo Platinum stuff, either. We're talking dark green bottle, gold bulbous lid, smellin' like you just got out of high school gym class and didn't want to take a shower in a public locker room so you'll just throw on a bunch of this, original 1980's Ralph Lauren Polo. MLW hates it so I don't wear it much but I keep a bottle around because the smell reminds me of when I was cool (or at least thought I was cool).

During a recent trip to the mall we got turned-around in a department store and ended up in the middle of the men's' fragrance section. MLW who, by the way, smells everything before she buys it (and I mean everything), went about sticking sample bottles under my snout and asking me what I thought of this scent and that scent. M3S, imitating his mother and I, proceeded to grab the samples that he could reach (and some that he couldn't) and took a sniff himself. I don't know if is in his genetic makeup or if was pure, darn luck when he proudly showed us that green bottle of Polo and exclaimed, "Mell dis, Mama. Dis mells sooooo good! Dada should buy dis pray!" 

That's my boy!

He's only three-years (and has trouble with his consonant blends) but he doesn't get the concept that there is a difference between him and the older kids, or adults for that matter, so I give him a couple of sprays of my fancy cologne when I put it on. It makes him feel big and it makes me feel good that he wants to be like his Daddy.

I almost feel bad, though, that I used this little routine to trick him. M3S doesn't like to take a nap, or should I rephrase that? He doesn't like to sleep anytime! (He thinks he's going to miss something.) Well, he was getting excited when we did this cologne routine and I thought it would be fun to also spray his Teddy Bear (named not Teddy, but Barry). Barry, though, gets his own cologne, which is actually an aromatherapy, pillow spray that is supposed to make you sleepy. Since he takes Barry in the car seat and to bed with him, he has been much easier to get to sleep. Now if I can only find a smell to wake him up and clean the house.

See-- smells are powerful things, and we didn't even touch on the power that it has over your appetite. My mouth will start to water at the first whiff of a food that I really like. I bet you can't tell me that you don't get up from your desk at the office and track down the person that just microwaved a bag of popcorn late in the afternoon. 

Other smells can bring back memories. After my stroke I had the strangest thing occur (besides being able to burp for the first time in my life). My memories were so vivid that I felt that I could really smell them-- almost like a photographic memory with my nose. I could smell mornings after spending the night with my Grandparents when I was very young... bacon and eggs and cigarette smoke, as well as other things like the way my 5th grade teacher smelled of BO, coffee, moth balls and Old Spice. Weird, huh? I told my recovery psychiatrist and that's all he said... "weird, huh?"

There is one smell, though, that I remember from the years in my teens when my friends and I would hang out at Six Flags. It wasn't just the smell of the park itself although it had many distinctive odors like the wooden turnstiles, landscaping mulch and lemonade stand in the humid air in the line to ride Thunder River; the strangely appetizing combination of tasty funnel cakes, popcorn, freshly airbrushed T-shirts, fryer grease and electricity from the bumper cars through the game booths up by the Screaming Eagle; or the strong fragrance of vomit, consisting mostly of-- a powdered sugar donettes and Canadian Mist-- breakfast, behind the Galaga machine in the Pac 'em In Arcade. 

My favorite smell was, simply, the peaceful, clean odor of a strong, late-afternoon thundershower meeting the fresh blacktop that was heated to a comfortable 112º in the unbearable, hot, August sun. Every once in a while I will catch a bit of it drifting across my nostrils and it brings me back to our days and nights in that amusement park when our biggest worry was, "where did we park the car?" and we thought we were cool cause you could smell our Polo from 120 feet away.

No-- if you ask me, I am not going to give up my sense of smell. I'd just as soon cut my nose off. Besides, speaking physiologically, as I understand it, you would automatically lose your sense of taste if you lost your ability to smell. Therefore, you might as well just pick taste. Think of all the weight you would lose!

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