Let's Roll! 1.08

I figured I would go ahead and do a special edition Let's Roll for the holidays now because there is so much cool stuff that I run across on the internet this time of year and I don't know if or when I'm going to have another shot to get it all in. I have included a wide variety of links with everything from ideas the get your shopping list going and tools to make shopping easier to places to shop online and fun stuff that is used to entice you to shop at a certain store. I'm sure glad that shopping... I mean Christmas, hasn't become commercialized. Let's Roll!

ElfYourself- If you have been sent this via email in the past, there is a good chance that you deleted it as spam, an e-chain letter or just another annoying e-greeting card that you wish no one would send because then you feel obligated to remember to send them one on their birthday. This one is actually pretty cool, however, and may be worth a few minutes of screwing with. It's free to elf yourself and send the short movie to your friends, though, it'll run you $4.99 to download the dance and more if you want to buy product with your elf pic imprinted on it.

PaperSnowflakes- Ever make paper snowflakes as a kid? This site is titled Paper Snowflakes for Children but I cut one for a project at work and it took me 45-minutes and I have take college courses on how to cut paper. It provides folding and cutting instructions as well as patterns to make about 600 different designs and tips and tricks from the pros (do you believe that there are professional snowflake cutters?) that will soon have you on the level of Will Ferrell in Elf.

2008 Christmas Specials TV Schedule- I made mention of this site in a posting earlier in the week, The Twelve Days of Christmas Specials: My Top Twelve Holiday Programs, but it is worth another plug. It has an extensive list of movies, special presentations and even regular programming holiday episodes by date with times and channels. Be sure to check out some of the old reruns of shows like Three's Company, Green Acres and The Beverly Hillbillies, to name a few, Christmas shows on TVLand.

Amazon.com- is one of the biggest e-retailers in the world so it wouldn't be surprising if you had heard of them or even made a purchase from the Website in the past but, until I was laid up last year and did all my shopping online, I was unaware of the many member features that the industry leader offers. Gift and wish lists based on your buying and searching habits are pretty common now but Amazon takes it a step or two further with special Gold Box discounts on merchandise on your list in addition to the Deal of the Day and Lightening Deals up to 66% off regular pricing.

Also when you are shopping at Amazon or similar sites, check the More Buying Choices sections. You can often find the same item in a new or like-new condition for a fraction of the price. When purchasing merchandise with this option, though, be sure to look over reviews of the seller and read things like the shipping policies to make sure you know what your getting into.

SkeetzTeez- If you are reading this blog because you enjoy it and not just because you're my wife's second-cousin, you feel sorry for me, or you owe me money-- I absolutely, positively guarantee that there is something that you or someone on your holiday shopping list (probably someone that is usually very hard to buy a gift for) is going to really dig at SkeetzTeez! I am still adding new designs almost every day but there is a ton of cool stuff to choose from, including the new seasonal stuff featuring Will Ferrell's Elf- Cotton-Headed Ninny-Muggins and Pete Schweddy's Balls shirts. Other popular items this holiday season include TV's Smallville and Suck It Trebeck, movie's Shermer H.S. Bulldogs and Slapshot's Charlestown Chiefs, the Old Time sports collection as well as some really smart, cool fashion designs.

SkeetzTeez has all kinds of T-shirts, sweatshirts and hoodies, hats, office accessories, drinkware and other fun items for adults and kids, men and women, boys and girls, babies, expectant moms and even something for the dog. You certainly won't regret giving these unique, custom holiday gift items this year-- and if your are my wife's second cousin, you feel sorry for me or you owe me money... you might even find something you like.

Read this. Peace.

Monday Morning Quarterback 1.07

I was just too darn busy last week to get to the Let's Roll article where I usually post the numbers from the previous week. Sales at SkeetzTeez have been sluggish, to say the least, but from what I gather, with the economy the way it has been, I should be lucky to see any kind of traffic.

Top five keywords that resulted in visits to SkeetzTeez or SkeetzTeez Blog:

5. favre

4. jorts

3. urban cougars

2. cubs

1. suck for a buck

Top five designs sold at SkeetzTeez

5. Suck It Trebeck

4. Sweet Sixteen

3. McCain/Palin (McMaverick/Sarahcuda)

2. Slapshot- Charlestown Chiefs

1. Big Brother (Sister)

Here's my notes for the week:

• Too bad the Cubs Fans Wear Jorts T-shirts didn't catch on any quicker. They were bounced so quickly from the payoffs that no one had time to hate them. Oh well-- there's always next year.

• The Urban Cougar lens is getting so much traffic that it past my foundational lens SkeetzTeez in the Squidoo rankings. It is mostly perverts looking for porn but the site is rated G (but may lean towards PG).

• Hey-- the Rams didn't lose this week! I wish our fantasy league would have buys so we could say the same.

• October 2- First sighting of this year's Christmas stuff at the stores (Walgreen's).

• I actually cleared $1.35 from my Squidoo lenses in August-- after contributing to my charity, StrokeNet! I didn't realize I was doing anything to make a dime!

• Now that the economic bailout package has been passed, let's get things fixed with the market and such. It's hard to get anything done with the whole nation in a panic.

• Isn't it bazaar how all QTs are almost exactly alike? From the pattern of taquitos on the little rolly things to the general appearance of the uptight clerks trying not to look uptight is all spookily the same. I sometimes forget which location we are at when I come out from one of the 8-10 weekly trips and have to check the GPS before we get on our way.

• QT does have the best beverages available and the bathrooms are fairly, acceptably clean and easy to find (very important when M3S decides that he does have to go potty even though he was sure that he didn't have to the 17 times I asked him in the half-hour prior to leaving his Mimi's house.)

• Along with thinking about names, I never thought I would be so concerned about poop in my adult life either-- and nobody wants to hear about it so I will stop there. Except...

• Funny: Schwa said he had a poop like sand. (I don't know how that can be so hilarious to me and, at the same time, scar MLW for life.)

• I'm a little worried about my brother. He's turning 40 this week and I'm not sure, but it seems like it is affecting him more than it did the other guys. I sent him a Dr. Porkenheimer's Bonerjuice T-shirt from the shop. I hope it cheers him up! Happy Birthday C-Bear!

Hope everyone has a good week. I am still real busy but plan on having several blog entries after my weekend with my best buddy, including a story on Why I like Mondays, my thoughts on another birthday coming up and the ultrasound where we find out the gender of the baby next week. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

Monday Morning Quarterback 1.05

Today is the first day of Autumn. I think I mentioned before that this is probably my favorite time of the year. The weather is cool and crisp so we can turn off the air conditioner and, although it is getting dark earlier, we still have a few more weeks before daylight savings time is over. The only thing I can think of that I don't care for around this time of the year is my allergies that seem to get worse and now and the Spring. I'll get by with a little help from Claritin D even though I will spend a small fortune on it in the next month or two.

I am lucky to live in the Midwest, where we have all four seasons, but I would like it if the moderate climates of Fall and Spring where longer than the extremes of Summer and Winter. They often say, "If you don't like the weather in St. Louis today-- wait until tomorrow." Here's my notes for today:

• We went to do some karaoke for my niece's 22 birthday on Saturday. It wasn't the people in their 40s and 50s singing my song set--it was the darn 20 year olds. Van Morrison, The Rolling Stones, Neil Diamond, Rick Springfield and Journey? Get your own music! Someone said it was because of video games like Guitar Hero and Rock Band and TV and Movies like The Sopranos that use classic music but my theory is that these kids are smart and today's music sucks so they have come to relate with the old stuff.

• The younger generation may be into the music but they no nothing about playing air guitar.

• Jordo got several Compilation CDs as gifts from her friends. It reminded me of mix tapes and the movie High Fidelity and inspired the Squidoo lens, Mix-Tape.

• Week three in the NFL was pretty bizarre with Miami beating the Pats and Indy almost losing again to a weaker opponent but the Rams still may be the worse team in the league and our fantasy team may not be much better.

• Shermer, Illinois High School's mascot is the bulldog. This is just one of the many interesting facts I learned while researching my Shermer High School lens.

• M3S is growing up so fast. He went peepees standing up over the weekend several times. Maybe because that was such a bonding experience between a boy and his Dada or maybe it's because his Mother is going to be having to spend more attention with the new baby, but he is switching from a Mama's boy to his Father's Son in the matter of a couple of weeks.

• All the new TV shows are starting up and I am not, at all, interested in any of them. All I get to watch anyway is Sprout and Noggin.

• Facebook is pretty cool. I have four friends and there are some pretty cool applications associated with the Site. My sister doesn't approve of me joining but I don't approve her pierced nose.

Short but sweet this week. Buy T-shirts. Peace.

Mell This!

A recent Web Poll question asks, "Which of your five senses would you most likely give up for $5 million?" 84.8% of the respondents chose smell. Although I can understand why they feel that way, I can't imagine going through life without any one of my senses, for any amount of money, but I think it would be especially hard to not be able to smell.

I am an visual artist by profession so, I suppose, being blind would be just incredibly tough to deal with. Music is also very important to me as a performing artist so losing my hearing would be very hard too. The sense (and scent) of smell, though, is very powerful. Smells can, among other things, cheer us up, calm us down, wake us, put us asleep, make us hungry, make us sick or trigger emotion or memories.

I have a new found respect for smells having recently quit smoking overnight (http://skeetzteez.blogspot.com/2008/08/how-to-quit-smoking-overnight.html). It was really strange, at first, how smells were so strong. I smelled something burning in my buddy's basement that no one else could find the fire. It was the neighbor's bar-b-que pit... two houses down. The way I found the cafeteria at the hospital was to sniff out, like a bloodhound, the only thing they were cooking at the time-- potatoes... just boiled potatoes. People would tell me for years how bad the stench of my gas I passed was, but I didn't believe them. Now I have a hard time staying in the room with myself when I fart.

Perfume and cologne products have been around since at least 2000 B.C. and are now a multi-billion dollar industry. I wish I had realized how important smell was a long time ago. Apparently there is a reason why the "good stuff" cost $50-$60 or more-- the Chicks dig it! At least a lot more than "the essence of some fragrance you've heard of" offered in the vending machine in gas station men's rooms for 25 cents a squirt.

Not that I ever used that stuff! I was a Polo man. In fact, I'm still a polo man. Not the Polo Sport or Polo Platinum stuff, either. We're talking dark green bottle, gold bulbous lid, smellin' like you just got out of high school gym class and didn't want to take a shower in a public locker room so you'll just throw on a bunch of this, original 1980's Ralph Lauren Polo. MLW hates it so I don't wear it much but I keep a bottle around because the smell reminds me of when I was cool (or at least thought I was cool).

During a recent trip to the mall we got turned-around in a department store and ended up in the middle of the men's' fragrance section. MLW who, by the way, smells everything before she buys it (and I mean everything), went about sticking sample bottles under my snout and asking me what I thought of this scent and that scent. M3S, imitating his mother and I, proceeded to grab the samples that he could reach (and some that he couldn't) and took a sniff himself. I don't know if is in his genetic makeup or if was pure, darn luck when he proudly showed us that green bottle of Polo and exclaimed, "Mell dis, Mama. Dis mells sooooo good! Dada should buy dis pray!" 

That's my boy!

He's only three-years (and has trouble with his consonant blends) but he doesn't get the concept that there is a difference between him and the older kids, or adults for that matter, so I give him a couple of sprays of my fancy cologne when I put it on. It makes him feel big and it makes me feel good that he wants to be like his Daddy.

I almost feel bad, though, that I used this little routine to trick him. M3S doesn't like to take a nap, or should I rephrase that? He doesn't like to sleep anytime! (He thinks he's going to miss something.) Well, he was getting excited when we did this cologne routine and I thought it would be fun to also spray his Teddy Bear (named not Teddy, but Barry). Barry, though, gets his own cologne, which is actually an aromatherapy, pillow spray that is supposed to make you sleepy. Since he takes Barry in the car seat and to bed with him, he has been much easier to get to sleep. Now if I can only find a smell to wake him up and clean the house.

See-- smells are powerful things, and we didn't even touch on the power that it has over your appetite. My mouth will start to water at the first whiff of a food that I really like. I bet you can't tell me that you don't get up from your desk at the office and track down the person that just microwaved a bag of popcorn late in the afternoon. 

Other smells can bring back memories. After my stroke I had the strangest thing occur (besides being able to burp for the first time in my life). My memories were so vivid that I felt that I could really smell them-- almost like a photographic memory with my nose. I could smell mornings after spending the night with my Grandparents when I was very young... bacon and eggs and cigarette smoke, as well as other things like the way my 5th grade teacher smelled of BO, coffee, moth balls and Old Spice. Weird, huh? I told my recovery psychiatrist and that's all he said... "weird, huh?"

There is one smell, though, that I remember from the years in my teens when my friends and I would hang out at Six Flags. It wasn't just the smell of the park itself although it had many distinctive odors like the wooden turnstiles, landscaping mulch and lemonade stand in the humid air in the line to ride Thunder River; the strangely appetizing combination of tasty funnel cakes, popcorn, freshly airbrushed T-shirts, fryer grease and electricity from the bumper cars through the game booths up by the Screaming Eagle; or the strong fragrance of vomit, consisting mostly of-- a powdered sugar donettes and Canadian Mist-- breakfast, behind the Galaga machine in the Pac 'em In Arcade. 

My favorite smell was, simply, the peaceful, clean odor of a strong, late-afternoon thundershower meeting the fresh blacktop that was heated to a comfortable 112º in the unbearable, hot, August sun. Every once in a while I will catch a bit of it drifting across my nostrils and it brings me back to our days and nights in that amusement park when our biggest worry was, "where did we park the car?" and we thought we were cool cause you could smell our Polo from 120 feet away.

No-- if you ask me, I am not going to give up my sense of smell. I'd just as soon cut my nose off. Besides, speaking physiologically, as I understand it, you would automatically lose your sense of taste if you lost your ability to smell. Therefore, you might as well just pick taste. Think of all the weight you would lose!

Buy T-shirts! http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez

Let's Roll! 1.03

Does it feel like this week went by really fast? Usually a regular week after a shortened one just drags on and on but yesterday I looked up and it's Thursday already! Before we look at our Link roll for the week let's go to the board and look what's happening on the Statcounter report:

Top five keywords that resulted in visits to SkeetzTeez or SkeetzTeez Blog:

5. brett favre

4. schweddy balls

3. Saracuda

2. land of the lost

1. suck for a buck

Top five designs sold at SkeetzTeez http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez

5. Favre Goes Deep (That's What Cheese Head)

4. Slapshot (Charlestown Chiefs)

3. Schweddy Balls

2. Big Brother (Sister) '09

1. McCain/Palin (McMaverick/Sarahcuda)

I am still a little unsure of what links I am going to include today. Is anybody actually checking these out? If you have links of your own that you would like to appear in this column, send them to me (in the comments section). I will pick one per week and run them with mine. Okay, Let's Roll:

http://delicious.com

del.icio.us is a Web-based bookmark application I have been using. It works, pretty much, like your bookmarks in your browser with a few extra bells and whistles but what I like best about it is the fact that you have the same pages marked on any and every computer that you sign on to. I am looking at the same list of Websites on my computer at work, at home or from the library.

You can download buttons from del.icio.us that can be added to your browser menu bar to post an address or view all your bookmarks with one click. You also have many preferences available to customize your saved files including the ability to tag your entries and then subscribe to tags (so when someone else uses that tag for a Site they found, you are notified) and network with other users. All-in-all pretty helpful, easy to use and free!

http://simile.mit.edu/timeline

To be completely honest, I don't know what this is, exactly... but it is cool. I was doing some research, recently, on timelines for a project at work and stumbled across this little gem. Obviously the work of a really smart kid (or more likely a whole team of them) at MIT, this Site presents research and samples of a study to improve on the standard timeline that you often see in reports like this. (Kind of like an surreal picture of a picture of a picture and so on.) 

A lot of it is way over my head, to tell yo the truth, but the timelines themselves are somewhat interactive and the live examples contain some really neat information including a minute-by-minute account of the assassination of JFK, a comparison of the Jewish and Christian religious beliefs and the history of the dinosaurs. Maybe it's because I'm a dork and I'm into history and science and stuff, but I thought this was a cool site. I wonder if I can get to other MIT files?

http://www.urbandictionary.com

This is a silly little sight that can actually be helpful on occasion-- especially to older folks, such as myself. These kids today... it's like they have their own language or something!

I couldn't see how many entries they had but it was a... a... a... lot! Oh wait-- there is is: 3,332,673 definitions submitted since 1999. The urban dictionary is available in a hardcopy as well as online and has definitions for words from A.N.S. to Zzang. They are user-submitted definitions but, for the most part, they aren't too ridonkulous considering all the attention whores out there. Besides, where else can a noob, cougar, geezer or soccer mom find definitions to words or phrases like: whale tail, shart, break your crayons, cock block, dutch oven and peeps? Not to mention: putting lipstick on a pig, Napoleon Dynamite, qwertyuiop, Vanessa Hudgens, xbx or flexitarian.

But then again-- Why would they want to?

BTW don't call me skeet skeet! Peace out.

Hard Ball: The Sad Tale of Big Mac- Ten Years Later

Apparently, this week marks the tenth anniversary of Mark McGwire's memorable season. Big Mac hit his 62nd home run of the 1998 season breaking the longstanding record held by Roger Maris. The local sports talk radio station was asking listeners if they remembered where they were and what they were doing the night that McGwire sent the long ball over the left field wall like it was an event like JFK being shot or 9/11.

I do, sadly enough, remember were I was that evening but that is more because I was struggling with a serious bout of depression, at the time, and spent almost every night in this particular place. As I remember the people in the bar that night, pretty much, went crazy-- similar to the reaction when the Cardinals won the Series. Maybe it was the overall depression but I was not at all impressed with the so-called feat.

Baseball as a whole, needed McGwire to break that record. They needed the race between him and him and Sammy Sosa, that had been building all year, to climax that September night. The climate in MLB was poor before that season. A recent strike had disheartened many fans and there was a shortage of family-friendly stars. McGwire and Sosa got everyday people talking hardball again and became heroes to the kids.

Although I was way too old to be considered a kid by almost anyone and I didn't care particularly for any of the players, I was still a fan of the game, but there was something about what was going on in this circus they called America's past-time that didn't sit right with me. Not that the league was, intentionally, doing something shifty but things didn't seem to add up.

There was a lot of talk, around that time, about the ball being juiced. Statements from the league and Rawling's officials denied the accusations and independent tests from outside parties failed to produce results except a bunch of cork, yarn and horsehide.

Even at that time, if they would've looked at the baseball players instead of the baseballs, they probably would've found their juice a few years earlier than they did during the Congressional hearings on the steroids scandal. I really, really hate the idea that many young peoples' heroes were taken down-- that, in some cases, the truth came out and, in others, the line between truth and lies became harder to find or disappears, altogether. I also hate that legendary players like Hank Aaron and Walter Johnson, as well as thousands of lesser known men, who didn't have the steroids and growth hormone, are being forgotten-- with a career full of statistics being swallowed up and spit out by the modern day likes of Barry Bonds and Roger Clemons.

I am not claiming that the old timers didn't have their own way of gaining an edge. We have to remember that even though it's a game-- it is still big business with big money implications. I know players that used things that "weren't exactly against the rules" to find that edge in much lower levels of organized sports than the Bigs. Even if drug testing cleans the game of all steroids and HGH, (some of) the professionals are going to find something else to stay ahead of the game.

I do believe now, unlike ten years ago, the MLB is serious about cleaning up the sport. All the bad press about these players has the public asking, "How could the league not know this was going on?" Honestly, even if you ignore McGwire's acne problem, look at the size of this guy! Muscles weren't meant to be that big. That's why a bad step out of the box can put a guy on the 15-day IR and why baseball careers are shorter than they were in other eras and so many ex-ballplayers walk with a cane.

Maybe some day they will work out this mess and they can spend all of their time on something really important, like discussions on whether or not to reinstate Pete Rose to be eligible for the Hall of Fame. For me... I'm still a fan of the game but there are very few players that I will root for. Player's don't want to be our kids' role models? News for them: I don't want them to be.

Stick with the Old Time Baseball: When Hardball Was Played Hard. Get the brand new T-shirt at: http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez/5966673

Monday Morning Quarterback 1.02

I'm running Monday Morning QB on Tuesday this week because, honestly, I was just too beat yesterday to think about writing. My intentions were good but after the third annual family camping trip at Aunt Rita's on Sunday night, I spent most of my Labor Day getting caught up on the sleep I lost by taking several naps.

• Even though today is, probably, more Summery than yesterday there is something in the air (or maybe just in my head) that makes it feel more like Fall. I usually love this time of year. It reminds me of going back to school (which I guess I really liked), gearing up for soccer season, chili cook-offs and parish festivals. I can't wait for the first chilly night.

• Speaking of back to school, Ashley started her first semester at Indiana Wesleyan today. I hope she continues to be one of the few regular readers of this blog. Be good, Kid... but try to have a little fun, too! Are you excited yet?

• Speaking of soccer, I think my new design, "Future Soccer Mom", is one of my best. Check it out at: http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez/5924462

• Had a hot stone massage on Friday night. I don't know why men have a problem with going to a spa and getting rubbed. They have made hair salons geared for men, where they serve you beer and show sports games on your own personal flat screen TV. Why not have massage parlors for guys?

• I'll stay away from talking politics and I'm not going to comment on what she looks like or anything about her personal life. In fact, I only have three words to say about Sarah Palin: Tina Fey look-a-like.

• Two good video rentals we've seen recently: Dan In Real Life and Definitely... Maybe.

• Word of the week that you haven't heard in 20 years: Jipped (as in: I got jipped.)

• A big shoutout to the girls (and guy) at Sanford-Brown. I was a guest speaker in Kelly's OT class today. I enjoyed talking with them about my stroke and recovery. A real nice group of folks.

• Fantasy Football (and NFL regular season) starts this week. Here's hoping for a winner.

I thought that I had more to write about this week but I can't remember anything else. Must be that three day weekend. Peace.

What I know about fashion.

If the length of this article corresponds with my level of knowledge on this subject, this will be the shortest post in the history of this blog. In fact, I can't think of a single thing that one would call a "do" when it comes to fashion. I have been called, though, on more than one occasion a "walking don't". Several years ago they, actually, had a dress like Skeetz day at work.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear. It's not that I don't care about how I look (I want to look nice for my wife) but, in all fairness, I think people worry way too much about how other people look, and therefore, how they look, themselves. Yes, I do make fun of what someone is wearing or a silly haircut or something but that is all in fun and, unless someone is dirty or stinky or dressed inappropriately for some reason or another, I don't care what they look like.

With that being said, there are some fashion rules that I have learned to live by– whether I want to or not:

• Mullets. On boys or girls, this hair style has not been in fashion since the mid-eighties– and even then, it was ugly. I, of course, had one until the mid-nineties and a modified one into the new millennium (most of that time, with a tail to boot).

• Shoes and belts should match and don't cross your brown and black color pallets. This one I have never really understood. I'm an artist. I have taken classes on what different colors mean and how they work together... and got an A. They can't say that nothing on the brown and black color pallets can go together, but they do and I am tired of fighting it so I follow the rule.

• Wear clean underwear. What if you get in an accident? Who's going to know if you follow this rule? And if you do get in an accident (and you don't crap yourself), do you really think anybody is going to care what condition your drawers are in? The reason I follow this rule is because the answer to the last two questions is: MLW

• Jorts. They're jeans. They're shorts. I should've known that they were bad fashion because I often wear them... but I didn't. Jorts, or jorts being uncool are a, fairly, new phenomenon. Here again jorts haven't been cool since the mid-eighties (if ever) and now they are definitely not. Whether the young, beautiful, cool people like it or not, they are, highly, outnumbered by the old, ugly dorks in the world... and we don't have a problem with them. 

In fact, I have created a Squidoo Lens dedicated to jorts. Visit the page at: http://www.squidoo.com/jortfashion and check out my jort t-shirts at: http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez/5891514

If you don't like these shirt designs (Cubs Fans) leave me a comment on who you think wears jorts and I will produce those designs too!

Fantasy (Football) Weekend

It's that time of year again! On the weekend before Labor Day, 17 or so of my friends and I get together to drink too much, gamble too much, get too much sun and draft our fantasy football teams for the upcoming season. I have been in the league for 16 years, I think, but it was around for a few years before that. Some teams are co-owned, like ours, and other owners go solo. The guys come in from three different states (it used to be four but Dreamer moved to N.C. where the McNabbs were already settled). 

Winners take home a good chunk of change at the end of the year, however Gereetz (Gerkens and Skeetz) has only finished in the money one time. I figured we are down about $3000 over that period of time. It's a good thing we split it.

It's not a coincidence that it is called "fantasy" football as most of us are not in good enough shape anymore to watch a gridiron game, much less play "two-hand touch" on a Saturday afternoon. We do, however, have a lot of pride about the teams that we "own" and, although there is a huge amount of luck involved in doing well in the standings, the winner always proclaims superior coaching skills as the cause, even though they probably think a "red dog" is a type of lager, a strong safety is another name for a prophylactic and collective bargaining is something you do with your wife to get a little extra cash out of the budget to go to the boat for the night.

It does keep us a tight bunch, though, and if you ask anyone who has participated in a fantasy league in any sport, I'm certain they would say that it makes the games more exciting. In addition to this weekend we all get together on Sundays throughout the season as well as several other times, directly or indirectly, related to all of this. I think most of the guys would agree that this (along with opening day and Thanksgiving) would pick this as one of their favorite times of the whole year.

I would write a lot more about the fiasco that I'm sure the next three days is going to be but I will save it for the Monday A.M. QB Column. There is more quality stuff from one good outing with these guys than what I get from all the other weekends in the combined so I know that I am going to have a ton of great stories... I just don't know how much I'm going to be able to post on the blog without changing the rating to PG-13.

The main objective of this blog is to promote SkeetzTeez shop on cafepress. As the title of this article is "Fantasy (Football) Weekend" and I have no designs related to either Fantasies or Football yet, please take this opportunity to visit: http://www.cafepress/skeetzteez and browse the other designs available for imprint on fine selection of T-shirts and gifts while enjoying this classic video hit that climbed to number 23 on the Billboard Hot 100, from Aldo Nova's, 1981, self-titled, debut album... Fantasy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GylirgHfgeQ

Can't Keep Up!

I was going to write about the Olympics and all of the ridiculous spin that accompanies them, but I decided to wait, at this point, until they are mercifully over. Instead I want to write about some of the designs I am working on for the SkeetzTeez cafepress shop at: http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez.

Although sales don't reflect it, the shop is getting some decent exposure. I am getting hits from Squidoo, Twitter and even this blog. I have also seen some traffic directed from Google and affiliate shops, however all of my sales have come by way of the Marketplace. That's OK. As my exposure grows so will traffic and sales. Some shopkeepers claim that they get no action at all for months after opening.

As the word gets out about my designs I have gotten quite a few requests, recommendations and suggestions for T-shirts ideas from friends and family and friends and family of friends and family. I think I have mentioned some of these ideas in my previous posts. 

My wife and her cousin are both pregnant. They were both peppering me with ideas for maternity and baby stuff on Saturday. Matt at work specializes in the "That's what she said" stuff. I have done a few of those designs but not even half of what we have come up with.

Various other people have given me ideas too, including the mother of a friend of lady that works on our warehouse.

I am having a hard time keeping up with the demand even though even when I do get the product up very few people are buying them. Mav's ideas, however, have been completed and posted very quickly.

Maverick, or Mav for short is one of the funniest guys I know. He's got a really quick wit that has me cracking up whenever he is around, even though he is usually kicking my butt at fantasy football. He posts his ideas on our league's message board. They are usually simple, yet hilarious, so I knock them out and put them up. It's a shame that I will probably go to hell for doing so.

Funny story about Mav. I was living in a townhouse with two other guys when I met Mav. We had a terrible habit of laying around, drinking beer and wasting our Saturdays in that place. He came over with his future brother in law, Schwa. Schwa's real name is Steve but so is Dupee, Stupo and in addition to all the Steves we have three Scotts that hang with the group. So we all use these nicknames all of the time. I mean, I didn't know Dupee's real name until four years after I met him.

Well– this has got to look pretty stupid to a newcomer so Mav asked, "What's up with the code names? What is this Top Gun?" I replied with, "Yes it is... and now you will be called Maverick!"

He's been known by that for the ten or so years since.

He did come up with some pretty funny concepts for T-shirts though. Check them out: http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez/5889001 and

http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez/5792428

That's what she said...

I've been on a roll developing a series of T-shirt designs based on the pop double entendre, "That's what she said". The phrase is being made even more popular by the hit NBC series, "The Office". I have seen the show a couple of times but I am unaware of the running joke and I know that it wasn't started there. In fact, I think the writers on the show are, cleverly, mocking the fact that every office has one of those guys that thinks he's funny by dropping the line in response to every other comment they here.

I would have to say though, when done correctly– with a little tact and wit and not overdone– it can be pretty darn hilarious. We have a guy at work, Matt Lamb, that is pretty good. Although it is not really my thing (I prefer the witty comebacker, "You're a ______!"– fill in the blank with whatever word you just ended your last sentence with) I find him very funny. Matt, in turn, likes my creativity and we have joined forces to amuse ourselves and maybe make a buck or two selling these shirts at: http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez.

It all started by accident. Matt was at my desk discussing a marketing piece I was working on. We were just finishing up when we overheard a model in the photo studio say, "You want to get me from behind, don't you?" It was the perfect set up and Matt couldn't resist saying, "That's what she said," as he was leaving the department. One our designers said, "Matt Lamb, you are bad!" 

Instantly, an idea for a T-shirt popped into my head. The combination of "bad" and "Lamb" made me think about sheep and a few minutes later, I had the "That's what sheep said..." design done. This was quickly followed by "That's what..." "Chi" said and "bee" said and a couple for "tree" said. All cute, in their own right, but they haven't gotten a lot of action in the shop.

A couple of hours after I showed the designs to Matt, though, he came back with a real winner: "Favre Goes Deep... That's what Cheese Head." Now that's just funny no matter who you are. (Unless you don't follow current events in the NFL.)

I think it is funny. Someone else does too, because we have sold a single shirt. I'm sure once the word gets out, everybody's gonna want a piece of it...

That's what she said.

*If you are interested in a whole bunch of stuff related to "That's what she said..." Check out my Squidoo lens on the subject: http://www.squidoo.com/twss

Smart Religion

I take offense to the stereotype that bible belt Christians are, somehow, not as bright as your average American. 

I was raised Catholic in a city that, when you meet someone new, you don't ask where they live, you ask what parish they are from. I converted to a non-denominational Christian church when I met my wife– not only because I met my wife, but I did my research and I agreed with the belief structure: It's not about Religion– Its about Relationship. And besides, the Christian services were a lot more interesting than the old Catholic mass. I am not arguing a point (here and now) that one religion is any better than another or the right or wrong of any beliefs. I am, merely, stating my preference.

To get back to my original point, though, I don't like the way traditional Christians are thought of as unintelligent. I guess there is a certain amount of blind faith that is involved with believing everything the Bible teaches us, but really not more than any other religion.

I consider myself pretty darn smart, even though I (usually) don't go around bragging about it (or necessarily act like it). Most people that know me well, I think, would tell you the same. I can hold my own in a conversation on just about any topic because, for one, I have learned that "if you don't know what you are talking about, don't say anything" and I just try be well informed on things. This policy works well for me most of the time... except for when the topic turns to religion.

Most of my personal, religious principles that have been questioned in the past can be explained with two basic theories:

1) I find it easier to believe that a loving God created this world and put man (and woman) on it to inhabit the world and love him back than the idea that a great accident caused non-living moleculer material became living matter and evolved into what we have become, over any period of time, or some alien race put us here and left us as an experiment or pet project or something.

2) For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

I guess the second one takes a little more of that "blind faith" than some people are willing to let themselves believe, but if you can't bring yourself to do that your not going to get the rest of it anyway. 

I wish there was a more scientific way to explain all of this. As an intelligent person who wants to find the reasons behind things, that would make being a good Christian and spreading the good word much easier for me. However, just because I am going to believe these things without proof doesn't make me an idiot. I would rather be right about this and wrong about everything else in the world than be the smartest man in the world and not be remembered as a believer on Judgement Day.

Spread the Word... Text the Word.

http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez/5800722

Audition tonight!

I'm not exactly sure why but I am very nervous about my audition tonight. Its not that I haven't been through auditions before and, as far as auditions go, this one should be a breeze as they have no male vocalist currently and I am the only one trying out! It is church, though, and I have not really sang in public, or out loud for that matter since the stroke.

I really didn't want this blog to be about the stroke so I have avoided the subject completely but recent events have made me felt I have to get some things off my chest. Since no one is reading this thing, this seems like as good a place as any...

No one understands how hard it is!

Maybe I was super-gifted before and now this is just how the general population struggles with ordinary things on a day-to-day basis. Maybe I recovered too quickly and so well that friends and family don't remember that only 9 months ago I couldn't speak or move anything on the right side of my body. Maybe I should not have tried to be so tough, listened to the doctors that told me I probably wouldn't be close to normal even a year after the event and not try to get back to a normal life as soon as possible.

I have always been a person that believed you get what you deserve. Other peoples' sense of entitlement really made me enraged. No one was holding me down or threatening my family when I made the conscious decision that I was going to work as hard as I possible could to recover as close to 100% as I was before the stroke. I didn't sue my chiropractor for (hypothetically) breaking off the piece of plaque from inside the vein in my neck causing a blood clot in my brain. I didn't suck as much as I could out of my disability insurance even though I have paid into it for over 18 years and they were still a major pain in the butt to squeeze a penny out of. (I had a bloody stroke, for God's sake! How much more disabled do you want me to be?) That's the kind of person I had always been and I didn't seem any reason to change because of this unexpected misfortune.

At the time, my wife and I didn't think we need and didn't want any special help from anyone (but we were very grateful for what we were offered and the help that was given). We felt blessed that I survived without too many complications and the struggles we had were few because the recovery went so well.

However, now I have a simple request to ask of anyone who knows me or anyone else who has survived a similar brain attack... Please understand.

Understand that I am not the same person that I was before- besides the more obvious physical challenges, my brain is still healing so mentally, although I still am as smart as I was before, it may take me a little longer to get it together, and emotionally I have different priorities than I once did and a new outlook. This was, after all, a near death experience. (At least near enough for me.)

Understand that everything (and I mean everything) is harder than it was. Staying awake is harder–sleeping is harder (which I don't understand at all). Speaking is harder. Eating, walking, reading, typing, not to mention anything physical– all harder. There are some things that I cannot or am afraid or embarrassed to do and there are some things that it just physically hurts too much.

I'm not saying this will always be the case but, as it was form the time when I started the recovery process, we can't tell when or how much we will get back. The doctors can give you information like, "your brain will heal the most in the first 3-6 months and most of the recovery process will be done in a year to a year and a half," but honestly, they are guessing too and they don't really have a clue.

I do get stronger and more coordinated every day. I just don't see the improvements like I did in the beginning because they were so drastic then. I still have faith that I am going to make a full recovery... and faith is what got me this far.

In the mean time, though, please remember to understand that everything is much harder to do than it was and, because I don't want this to be a blog about strokes, buy some T-shirts at: http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez 

How to make a Suck for a Buck T-shirt

By far, the most search engine inquiries that I have hit has been, "How to make a Suck for a Buck T-shirt". So much so that I have dedicated a Squidoo lens to the subject at: http://www.squidoo.com/suckforabuck

It amazes me, to some degree, but then again–it doesn't. Being involved with bands and bars for many of my vast single years, I have paid more than my fair share of bucks for the "so-called" sucks. It was all in good fun, at the time, however looking back now, I feel that it was a rather silly ritual.

The public beckons, though, and needs to find out the answer (simple as it may be) to the oft-asked question, "How to make a Suck for a Buck Shirt". Who am I to deny this generation of attention-seeking Maid of Honors and Bachelorettes from the privilege of having every inebriated young man in the club drooling (literally) on them and their friends for a night– no matter how silly they one day will think it was.

So... as simple as it may be– here is the four-step process for making a Suck for a Buck T-shirt:

1) Determine what shirt you will use- This is actually one of the more difficult parts. Traditionally, a white T-shirt is fine, but in recent years, Bridesmaids have gotten more elaborate with colors and styles including tanks (which focuses the sucks in the more vital areas. You may purchase high-quality, professionally imprinted (which takes care of step-two) Suck for a Buck T-shirts at: http://www.cafepress.com/skeeteez/5842826 or use your own source.

T-shirt Tip: make sure you bring another shirt for the bachelorette in case the Suck for a Buck shirt tears or the bride-to-be wants to change later in the night.

2) Imprint the Shirt- This may be done professionally (see step-one) or at home. Iron-on sheets can be purchased and run through your computer printer or, if it comes down to it, you can use fabric paint or permanent marker.

3) Determine what kind of candy to use- Lifesavers are, traditionally, the candy of choice but, in all reality, the sky's the limit here. Any hard candy is good– mints or butterscotch candies, Blow-pops or Tootsie-pops, or any cheap candy that you have to suck. I have even seen those candy necklaces used. They left the candy on the string, wrapped it around the young lady and attached them with safety pins around the whole shirt. Pretty original and it worked well!

4) How to attach the candy- Honestly, this is the only part of the process that I can really see anyone would have questions about. Here again, if you are talking about tradition, you are using Lifesavers and you just take a needle and thread and sew them, with a couple of stitches through the hole, right to the shirt. This really works best because they are fastened securely but most grown men can snap the stitches with their teeth.

If you are using individually wrapped candy of some kind, you can fasten them with safety pins. This also works with lollypops or anything you can stick a pin through. Another option with the lollypop type candy is to poke the sticks through the shirt, but this doesn't seem very stable to me.

The last method seems a little (or a lot) gross to me but, then again, who's going to know. Lick and stick the candy to the shirt. I don't know... besides being gross for the guy, I don't know if the bride wants to wear around something that her friends' saliva is all over.

One last tip: I have seen candy for Suck for a Buck T-shirts applied with glue. I don't, in any way, recommend this method. Besides being messy, you don't want to poison any of the poor guys with toxic adhesives.

All you need is love... bum ba da da dum.

It is just amazing how things in your life can be so important to you and then something else comes along and you hardly even care about the other thing.

Music was like that for me. One of my earliest childhood memories is music. I vividly remember at the age of 3-4 riding in the car while my mother was taking my dad and grandma to work. The Beatles, Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds, was playing. (I know I was that age not because of when the song was released, but because this was the only time my father and grandmother worked in the same place.)

I also remember, starting a little after that, my mother cleaning on Saturdays. I recall she had a very specific routine, but what is most vivid is the music– and the harmony. My mom would never sing the lead to any song. It was always the harmony and it was loud so it could be heard over the vacuum cleaner. Her favorites were soundtracks to musicals like The Sound of Music, Fiddler on the Roof and Godspell and artists like John Denver, Anne Murray, Kenny Rodgers, Bette Midler and Barry Manilow. They were all considered lame by most pre-teens but I kind of liked them and I could sing most every track on the albums, word for word, front and back– and in harmony.

I am going to have to write about some more of my music memories. They really are powerful as they can stir up such emotion– bringing you back to places and times that otherwise seem insignificant.

I need to do some more music based designs for the shop on cafepress too. I only have one available right now: http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez/5792803 but it is one of the most prolific lines in rock 'n roll– if not the entire history of music...

All you need is love.

Jonah's Brothers Tour T-shirts

I almost feel bad about my new design on cafepress... almost. 

Do a search for T-shirts on your favorite search engine and count how many times Jonas Brothers comes up. I'd be willing to bet that 12-14 responses out of the first 100 will mention something about them. Most of those will be tween and teen girls asking how they can get their hands on a tee from a concert that they are unable to go to.

I had heard my 18-year old sister-in-law mention the Jonas Brothers (Joe is apparently the hot one) and at that point I had no idea who they were. I am not a Bible scholar, but I don't remember mention of any of Jonah's siblings in the Good Book– and that was the only Jonah I had ever heard of.

I guess I feel a little bad because I am exploiting the popularity of the Jonas Brothers to attract people to: http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez and, possibly make a buck or two out of the deal. Its not that there isn't a whole lot of exploitation going on here anyway. Disney is exploiting these young boys from New Jersey to make them all kinds of jack and the whole bunch of them are exploiting all of those tweens and teens.

The kids do have some talent and the message of the design is a scripture from the Bible. I am not intentionally trying to mislead anyone into buying something that they don't want. In fact, I wrote in the first line of the description that "This is not the Jonah that you think!" Although there is some exploitation going on, I don't think anybody is really getting hurt in the long run.

It is kinda a cool design. Check it out at: http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez/5821601

I Survived a Major Brain Injury...

Before I go any further, let me explain myself. I am in know way, trying to make fun of any individual (except, perhaps, myself) and I know first hand that a brain injury is a very serious thing, but that doesn't mean that we can have a little laugh about them.

I suffered a stroke eight months ago yesterday. By God's grace, and a lot of hard work from many people, I have made almost 100% recovery which is pretty incredible in that short amount of time. Through four months of therapy, I met many people with brain injuries and many people trying to help them. I would, in no way, want to make fun of any of those people or the tragic situation that many of them or in, but because the situation is so somber, many of those people can use a good laugh.

I tried to keep a good attitude when going through therapy. This was very hard some of the time (some days it was harder than the therapy) but I am convinced that the good attitude contributed, greatly, to my remarkable recovery. A good sense of humor improved my attitude, as well as the mood of my doctors, therapists and other patients.

There were many funny stories that came about in my group psychological sessions because it was just 6-8 patients (usually all guys) sitting around and talking about their recovery and the challenges that each one faced. I hope I can share some of the other stories in the future but today I want to concentrate on the one that inspired the design above.

The discussion in group that day revolved around getting back to the real world. Most of the patients had been away from their jobs and such for some time and were soon going to be going back in some capacity. I had been in therapy for ten weeks or so and was starting back to work in a couple more. The doctor asked how I felt about that. (That's always their big question: How does that make you feel?)

I thought for a second and then told him I was pissed off. "I mean I am grateful and all that I was able to recover and get back to some of the things that I was doing before the stroke but, overall, I was pissed off."

He, obviously, wasn't expecting that answer out of me so I went on. 

"I have worked at the same job for almost 18 years, never taking more than a week off at a time (and that was for my honeymoon). I had almost three months of vacation saved up that I could always use in case of an emergency, like this one, but I had hoped that I would get to use it for something more satisfying or productive– or both."

"Now its all gone and what have I got to show for it? I had no fun and got absolutely nothing done for 13 weeks! I feel like I should be given a T-shirt that says... I survived a major brain injury and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."

The doctor got a good laugh out of my comment. He really liked my idea for the t-shirt, even mentioning it several times in the sessions in the last few weeks. It wasn't until my graduation day that I realized the prophetic meaning of it when my Occupational Therapist gave me my T-shirt and sent me on my way. My doctor was sure to be there to see that.

The shirt didn't say my slogan but it may as well had. I joked and promised them that I was going to produce the design and get it printed on some shirts. This is my fulfillment of that promise. I hope Dr. Gillespie and Liz OT at St. John's Rehabilitation Hospital in West St. Louis County will get to see it because I really don't expect to sell any of them, but if you want to check it out go to http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez/5779576. I will contribute any profits from sales of this shirt to StrokeNet.

Thanks guys

Weekend with Just the Boys

I had a great weekend. My wife went out of town on Friday and left me at home with the baby through Sunday night. 

I guess I should be done calling him the baby as he will be three years old next week and he really is getting to be a "big boy". He is learning to go on the big boy potty so he is wearing big boy unders.

I always promised that when I had kids I wouldn't be one of those parents that bragged endlessly about how smart they were, but I am having a hard time keeping this one. I don't know if it is just an "every parent" type of thing or if he really is extremely advanced, but he just freaks me out sometimes with how he presents himself and what he understands. I want him to be smarter than me– just not yet.

It has taken almost three years but I am almost completely comfortable with staying alone with him– even for as long as 2-3 days like this weekend. His clothes will probably not match like they do when Mama dresses him and we may have cold pizza for breakfast, but we are going to make it through without any major catastrophes– and we might learn to pee standing up (in the backyard) as a bonus.

My weekend with just the boys was the inspiration behind my most recent design available at: http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez/5804026

One of the tricks I have learned to make the weekend move along smoothly is to keep my son busy and make sure he feels involved. Saturday morning we went to the Home Depot to pick up some stuff so we could do some work in the yard. I felt much better about my fathering skills when I saw how some of the other dads had their kids dressed. There was a 6-7 year old girl wearing cowboy boots, a fairy dress, cape and stocking cap. 

Why not take the easy way out and dress the kids in a shirt that explains your predicament right off the bat? http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez/5804026 Then you can concentrate on more important stuff like teaching them how to pee standing up.

Save $4.00 on Selected Tees at cafepress!

Use this coupon code to get $4 off Jr. Jersey Tees at:

http://www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez

A Trip to the Land of the Lost

To be brutally honest, Land of the Lost didn't make that big of an impact on me. I was about ten-years old when the original series aired in 1974-1976 and I do remember the show. I guess it was pretty cool at the time as they were pretty progressive (for a Saturday morning show) with special effects and such. This would have been a big change from the regular cartoons at the time.

I also remember the sleestack. Not that I was afraid of them (and at 10 I wouldn't have admit it even if I was) but they did freak me out a little. Looking back it is really funny because they are not frightening at all. In fact, they are almost hokey with the really bad latex costumes and freakish masks. But again, at that time, they didn't have a lot of the special effects that they do now. We didn't expect more so it could be a little scary.

My memory of the sleestack is why I developed the design at: www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez/5662197

It had nothing to do with the upcoming film starring Will Ferrel and based on the original series, Land of the Lost. It is listed at the IMDb (Internet Movie Database) as a Adventure/Comedy/Sci-Fi.

According to the message board at IMDb, there are some problems with costs and such so production is shutting down. You would think fans of the show would be disappointed in this, but here is a quote from the board: "So we are in luck! They won't rape this childhood classic! We WIN!!!".

Apparently the original series did make a big impact on some people as there are a bunch of posts out there condemning the making of this movie. I think, mostly, because of Will Ferrel and the fact that it is a comedy (to at least some degree) but some want it be a great epic feature film.

I understand their point, but the producers of the film must think they are wrong or, at least, in the minority. A comedy with Will Ferrel is likely to make more money than an epic film with Orlando Bloom. Unfortunately, that's what it all comes down to-- money.

I'm not sure what side I'm on, but I would like to encourage both sides to check out the unique, custom Land of the Lost T-shirts and gifts at: www.cafepress.com/skeetzteez/5662197